Your Definition of Dating

Your Definition of Dating

So I asked MixedVariety what dating was and he suggested that I make a thread about it. So what is dating exactly? I seem to always skip that step. I don't think I've dated more than one person at a time. Does a friendly movie or dinner count as a date?

When is the line between dating and "a relationship" crossed? Don't tell me when you both agree on it, that's so ambiguous.

urgh...All this stuff confuses me.

 

Dating to me is having fun with your date, yet being closer. The time out means more to you two.

 

Dating for me is when your consistantly seeing 1 girl.

 

Its all expectations.

Garbad

 

Oh, so you don't think that it is proper to see a lot of girls at the same time? Or do you have another term for that?

 

I have had few relationships in the past, and all but a few were actually meant to last. Little did I know, heh :uhhuh:. I have had a six month relationship and a four year relationship ending on me (yeah, she dumped me) and later on a four month relationship was forcefully ended in circumstances some regular forumers know about. My current girlfriend is with me for over a year now, and we are very happy together. I guess I'm a "steady" kind of person.

I never really "dated" those girls. I spent time with them, prior to the relationship - but we never looked at it as if it was "dating". As I am European, we are also not very familiar with the concept of dating, at least not how it is portrayed in American TV-shows and/or movies. So this will just be a shot in the dark, but I'll try nevertheless.

I have had a few loose relationships as well, but basically just for one evening. No strings attached. That is probably what dating all is about: getting to know the other person a little, trying to find out what it is that makes him or her attractive enough to spend the evening with. When you get to the point where you actually realize what that is and still want to be with that person, you might consider calling what you have a "relationship". Provided there is mutual agreement, of course (yeah, I had to say it ).

 

Personally, I consider dating the time in-between relationships when you're actively pursuing THAT relationship. This means that dating and being in a relationship are the same, minus one very important variable--emotions. Dating is the time where you find out about a person/people enough to determine whether you want to entrust them with all the emotions involved in a serious relationship. I believe that once you start opening up to a person, you're in a relationship, whether you want to admit it or not.

 

No, if I'm seeing multiple girls at a time, we're friends with benefits. If I'm dating a girl, it's me and her exclusivley.

 

What if you realize that you don't like this girl you're "dating" that much? And, can friends with benefits later become a girl you date? What if your friend with benefit doesn't have sex with you, is she still called a friend with benefits? Sorry for the barrage of questions:S

 

According to my "definition" posted above, when you realize you don't like the other person that much, it will never go beyond dating. Either the series of dates will break, either you will keep dating him or her if you are all for the benefit of the doubt.

I suppose so. But actually, here I'm stuck. I can answer when dates aren't dates anymore, but it is hard to determine when regular meetings with a friend turn into dates. I guess when you start thinking romantically about that person?

I guess that depends on what you want to call "benefits"...

 

Hmmm, I must have my terminology all mixed up then.

I consider 'going out' as what most of everyone in this thread called 'dating'. I call 'dating' when you're in a relationship. If its serious relationship with time to back it up, then its a 'long-term relationship'.

Recently, my 3 year relationship ended. I am still not entirely sure who broke up first. She wanted to take a month break, but it was clear to me she wanted to break up. After a month, I gave it some serious thought and realized this was for the best, so I ended up breaking up with her. I guess we can say it was a mutual thing. Though if she never proposed the 1 month break, I might never have had the courage nor think about breaking up. I made promises, I meant to keep them.

Ok, well I kinda went out off topic here, I'll get back to the point. I am not ready nor sure if I want a relationship again so soon, so I've just been 'hanging out' with girls. Going out for walks under the sunset, watch a movie, play some pool, anything where we can just spend time together, getting to know each other more on that level and see if any sparks come up. Though we dont intend there are any sparks (atleast know theres a chance), we just enjoy each other's company. I usually go out with girls that I dont know too well, it makes things interesting. Going out with someone you know for a long time doesnt really have that chance to bring up sparks (not to mention its weird, its like going out with a sibling to me), so I call it hanging out. But this time, I've made an exception, there has been one girl that we've been friends for ages, but we've crossed paths. I've been doing a lot of things with her lately and I think she feels a spark as well. We'll go out some more and see where it goes from there.


Did this post just confused you more on the subject, SSG?

 

Oh, it's fine ask away.

If I'm dating a girl and it's not really working out, I'll tell her that I don't see it going anywhere and end it. And a friends with benefits girl did become my girlfriend, we've been dating for almost a year. I don't consider a friend with benefits whether or not they put out. I call it friends with benefits when four play is involved.

 

I wouldn't know.

Half the time the girl's parents turn me down, the other half of the time I chicken out.

 

Then, you stay friends. It has to be a 2 way connection to have a relationship.

Its possible, though you really have to be specific on what these benefits are. Is it sex? If so, its possible, but if its only for sex, you don't really know the person inside, so the relationship will just be driven by lust. A relationship needs romance and a deep connection outside of the bedroom too, or else you'll just be bored with that person. We call those friends, '**** friends'.

Its relative. Maybe others would consider benefits as something more than sex. Though, at the moment, I cant think of any other benefits. I consider benefits as in there is a chance the going out process can lead to dating and if not, we still enjoy each other's company. But those benefits are far different than sex. Sex usually comes in at dating (my term of dating) because you would have decided on one person.

Parents... So far, I've been lucky, the girls I've dated had really understanding parents. I am saying because I've heard so many bad stories. I am Chinese. From all the girls I've dated, only one has been Asian (Taiwanese), the rest have been something else, I was surprised their parents were understanding on the subject. I guess its a Canada thing?

 

I've never quite understood the need to attach these sorts of labels. I had one girlfriend (eventually a girlfriend, I suppose) that was just obsessed over what stage of our relationship we were in. Were we dating, were we going out, were we in a relationship, etc. After all of that worrying, we lasted about a month and ended whatever the hell stage we were in.

I just always saw things fairly simply. You go out on a date (or dates) with someone. If you like them enough, you keep going out with them. If you still like them, you might hang out with them at times other than what we would normally call a date. Eventually you might end up sleeping over at their place on a more regular basis than simply having sex. Then you might move in together, etc, etc. I never was terribly worried with what you call each one of those stages, or what stage you were actually in.

I suppose I'm just against the need of people to give everything a tag.

 

I suppose that once you "pig out" its a releationship..?

 

Whenever I would like a girl, and I would go on a date with her, like take her to a movie or dinner, or both. If it wasn't a first date and I knew she had feelings for me, I would be like "Kim, will you go out with me?" That's how I would always get a girlfriend.

Friends with benefits was different. I'd be sitting in my room with her alone, and I'd start kissing her, and either she'd kiss back or pull away.

 

I consider dating doing an activity with someone you are interested in. Coffee, movie, dinner, dancing, etc. A person can date more than one person if they feel so inclined as to me it is the process of trying to meet that special partner that then turns into a relationship. A relationship is pretty much dating one individual that you love and don't have the desire to be with anyone else.

For me, when I have been in a serious relationship, there is no real defining moment. We just knew. You don't want to go out with anyone else. I have never sat down with a relationship and said, "you know I think we need to have a committed monogamous relationship". There has never been that need because it just naturally happens if you are with the right person. If I have to talk about it with someone, then I am not with someone that I am clicking with, so the point is pretty moot then.

I do have a couple female friends that I go out to lunch or for a drink with, but it isn't a date as there is no interest in that person. Just friends getting together, even though it is a male/female thing.

That's just my two pennies of years of experience in the "dating" arena. We all have our own perceptions it appears.

 

Nah, it's all in the numbers. You meet a lot of girls, you'll eventually stumble across parents that like you. Personally, I don't get out much recently because of my studies. And my school only goes as low as 7th grade (sigh).

I didn't realize it was so difficult for interracial relationships in Canada. Must be even harder if there's an age difference, eh?

 

On the contrary, I was trying to say either I was lucky to have met parents that were understanding or its a Canada thing, atleast in Montreal.

The friends that I mentionned who had problems with parents had nothing to do with ethnic backgrounds.

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