Trying to craft Utar's Roar

Shadowtwin

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While trying to get the materials to craft Utar's Roar for my (still theoretical) monk cold build, I may have gotten just a little bit loopy. This is how I think the dialogue might go from within the game world itself:

Monk: "Haedrig, while fighting my way to the Pandemonium Fortress, I felled one of Malthael's mightiest minions. Upon the corpse of this foul beast, I found plans that are said to grant a smith of the highest order the ability to create an item heard of only in legend; A mighty axe that contains the roar of Utar."

Haedrig (while studying the plan): "It is true! I can craft this mighty axe, but first you must collect for me the materials. Most of these items I can salvage from any piece of armor, but the others will be a bit more difficult to find. Twice you will need to venture into a Nephalem Rift and capture the soul of its keeper. These can easily be taken from the corpse of the fallen keeper ... but not always. Sometimes as the mortal coils are cast away the soul will depart too quickly to capture. If you fail to capture the soul, you must try again until you have captured two. Once you have the souls, you must go to the Bridge of Korsikk. You will find the Caverns of Frost near the bridge ... but not always. The wind pushes the snow drifts to and fro frequently, and the entrance may be hidden. Once you've found the caverns, you must fight your way to the deepest level. There you will find a hideous beast named Chiltara ... but not always. This is the only place the monster has ever been seen, but she is not always there. If you've defeated all the creatures in the deepest level of the cavern but still have not seen Chiltara, you must leave the caverns for a time and try again. She may return after you've left. Once you do find and vanquish Chiltara, you must bring me her frozen blood. This can be easily taken from her corpse ... but not always. The body may be too badly destroyed to obtain a large enough sample. If you are not able to obtain the sample you must try again. And remember that this may only be obtained in the Caverns of Frost and not the Icefall Caves which may also be found near the Bridge of Korsikk."

Monk: "Let me see if I have this right. Continue killing the keepers of Nephalem rifts until I've managed to capture two of their souls, then obtain a sample of blood that isn't always obtainable, from a creature that isn't always present, in a cave that isn't always there."

Haedrig: "Exactly!"

...Time Passes...

Monk: "I have returned! I was able to capture the souls of the Rift Keepers rather quickly, but I searched for days before finally obtaining a usable sample of Frozen Blood from Chiltara. But obtain it I did! Now please craft for me this mighty axe!"

Haedrig takes the materials and starts pounding away.

Haedrig: "Here is your axe! It's my finest work ever. In addition to the cold damage of legend, it will also give you strength and health!"

Monk: "Oh. Well thank you. But the thing is that Gheed has crafted for me a mighty gem which will greatly increase the damage when the Gods choose to strike through me. I need only for there to be small socket crafted in the haft..."

Haedrig (visibly irritated): "I'm sorry but I will not sully my masterpiece by gouging holes in it! Perhaps you should speak to Myriam, that charlatan will do anything for coin."

...

Crusader: "Myriam, I have here an item of legend. It was crafted by Haedrig and will surely allow me to put an end to Malthael's dark reign. While this weapon is very nearly perfect, I need for it to have a small socket crafted into the haft where I may place a powerful gem. This gem was crafted by Gheed and will allow the Gods to strike through me with unrivaled ferocity! Can you modify the weapon for me?"

Myriam: "I can. But first you will need to fight your way through a Neph..."

Monk: "Right, right, capture the soul of a Nephalem keeper. Got it. Anything else?"

Myriam: "The other materials are easily obtained."

...Time passes..

Monk: "I have returned, Myriam. I bring the soul of a fallen Rift Keeper. Now please add a socket to the haft of this mighty axe!"

Myriam takes the axe and begins imbuing it with a magical socket.

Myriam: "Here you are."

Monk: "There's no socket in the haft."

Myriam: "I've done even better. I've increased the strength with which Haedrig crafted it by .1%. .1%!"

Monk: "That's not exactly what I was looking for."

Myriam: "Hmm. Well if you don't find the increased strenght to your liking, I could also make it increase the speed with which you are able to swing it by 5%! So instead of swinging it 1.3 times per second, you may swing it 1.35!"

Monk: "Um, no thank you. I'd just like a soket in the haft."

Myriam: "Oh, you were serious about that? Alright, well I'll have to start all over now. You'll need to bring me the captured soul of a..."

Monk: "You know what, just forget it."
 
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