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Trying not to be an idiot in my relationship

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Anyee, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. Anyee

    Anyee IncGamers Member

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    Trying not to be an idiot in my relationship

    After many years (seriously) of searching, I've found a lovely girl with whom I am rather in love. There are so many excellent aspects to our relationship, including common hobbies, approximately equal intellects...hell, she outstrips me in quite a few areas, shared friends, and so on. This is why I am struggling with this one aspect.

    My girlfriend has an ovarian cyst, which is a non-cancerous growth on one of her ovaries. It means that she's in pain a lot of the time. It's not the "Oh my god please kill me make it stop" pain, though from time to time it will get that bad. It's usually just a serious discomfort that comes and goes unpredictably during the day. (The way her doctor wants to cure this is to make her go through temporary, early menopause...which has a LOT of side effects...or to do surgery, which will put her totally out of commission for over a month.)

    As a result:
    1) She's exhausted even when she's gotten a full night's sleep and 2) she's not really feeling, um, in the mood to romp. Issue 1 means she's out at 10:30PM even on the weekends while I'm up and about. Issue 2 is a little more complex. You see, she's willing to give me attention, but I feel extraordinarily bad if she does that without wanting to receive any attention. I'm a weird gal in that I get more enjoyment out of what is being done to me if I know the other person is happy than if I'm just able to lie there with my mind a complete blank. Plus, it feels like she's forcing herself to do something she doesn't want to do, though she swears up and down she's happy to make "the effort".

    I know she can't control her body. I just don't know what to do. I miss her body. I miss being able to touch her in that way. I miss feeling like she wants to do this rather than I'm obligating her or something.

    So, boys...how do I not be an idiot about this? I'm sure your gf/wives have had similar issues. What did you do?
     
  2. Stoutwood

    Stoutwood IncGamers Member

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    What do you mean "being an idiot"? Are you trying to suggest to her that she just get the surgery? It would probably be the best move. A month out of commission certainly beats years of pain. What's your personal opinion on the matter?

    I hope you're not a wierd gal. I would like to think that most people get more enjoyment out of sex if the need is mutual.



     
  3. Lord Nyax

    Lord Nyax Banned

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    Zomg. He was talking about...sex? Ahhhh, I'm scarred for life!

    No, really. If she's in pain, and she has a choice, it's up to her. There's no use feeling sorry for her, or for feeling "like an idiot" wanting her back "up to speed". You want her the way she was, hopefully she does to, and hopefully she'll make a choice that'll satisfy you both.



     
  4. SaroDarksbane

    SaroDarksbane IncGamers Site Pal

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    When I can tell that she's just doing it for my sake (it happens to everyone at some point, I think) we stop and talk about it. Sometimes just talking about it openly is the emotional connection she needs to get in the mood (strangely enough), and sometimes it just doesn't happen that night. The "discussing it openly" part is the key, though.

    Welcome back, by the way. Haven't seen you around these parts in a while. =)
     
  5. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    It's not that weird, I'd be unhappy in that situation too.

    Nice to see you around again, Anyee. Unfortunately I don't think I could reliably advise you.
     
  6. zodiac66

    zodiac66 IncGamers Member

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    Anyee..I can't give advice on that.

    *Hugs and Kisses* that you are back. Even for only one thread.
     
  7. zodiac66

    zodiac66 IncGamers Member

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    Sorry, I didn't want this to get lost in the fight about post counts.

    Sorry Freet and Doc..I have to bump this. I would hate for Anyee to be lost over I am a retard thread. I didn't think we were even supposed to use that term.
     
  8. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    Fight about post counts?
     
  9. ModeratelyConfused

    ModeratelyConfused Banned

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    I really don't see what you're being an idiot about. What it really boils down to is that you want your significant other to feel better and not be in pain. Like someone else said, what's a month of pain versus a lifetime?
     
  10. SuggestiveName

    SuggestiveName IncGamers Member

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    Ok. A lesbian asking men for relationship advice about women. Yep, now I have seen it all.

    But sorry, I'm a general screw-up when it comes to lady-folk relations, so I have no advice worth giving.
     
  11. zodiac66

    zodiac66 IncGamers Member

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    I fail to see where she mentioned MALES. Just general advice. I do seem to remember a thread about giving advice here. I hope the same outrage applies here.
     
  12. Yaboosh

    Yaboosh IncGamers Member

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    What do you mean by trying not to be an idiot?

    Are you suggesting that you are considering ending the relationship over this? Or are you saying that you sometimes take some frustration out on her? Or are you just asking what you can do to deal with these feelings of frustration?
     
  13. {KOW}Spazed

    {KOW}Spazed Banned

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    It isn't bad to want that attention and if she says she is fine doing it then I would have to trust her. If you think she is fibbing then try doing other things. Back massage, breakfast in bed, etc. Do something that you know makes her happy. It's not exactly what you want, but it is better than nothing.

    Other than that waiting it out seems like the only option. How long would the menopause thing take? How big of a scar would the surgery take?(I ask because lots of people hate having visible scars) How well has she done with surgery recovery in the past?


    For those of you who don't know Anyee is a woman.
     
  14. Lord Nyax

    Lord Nyax Banned

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    Owned? Sorry...I felt the urge...
    If he/she/it had said "guys" there might be some arguing room...but in context...obviously a male question. Reading comprehension FTW!



     
  15. ModeratelyConfused

    ModeratelyConfused Banned

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    I'm confused. But I'll leave it out of this thread.



     
  16. zodiac66

    zodiac66 IncGamers Member

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    Ok..how to feel with the pain. I stand corrected.

    It just irritates me that the fact that she is lesbian had to be thrown into the mix.

    I grow to hate this place more and more.
     
  17. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    But only moderately, right?



     
  18. Bortaz

    Bortaz Banned

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    What are you talking about? No one said anything about her being a lesbian, other than KOW, who was correcting that nyax fellow, who apparently called her a 'dude' or something. (And SN...but who listens to him, anyway?)
     
  19. Yaboosh

    Yaboosh IncGamers Member

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    The entire forum is in a ridiculous state of arousal over this sensitivity stuff.
     
  20. zodiac66

    zodiac66 IncGamers Member

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    Actually..I think the term was it. He has been reported and I hope the same actions will be taken here as were the other day.

    I have more respect for her than 99% of the people who are here now.



     

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