Time for some Christmas humor
- Thread starter Syxx
- Start date
Re: Time for some Christmas humor
What did the hat say to the scarf?
.
.
.
.
.
.
You hang around. I'll go on a head.
Why is ice like music?
.
.
.
.
.
.
If you don't see sharp you'll be flat.
Why did the fly fly?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because the spider spied her. [Oh wait, that's for Halloween]
What did the hat say to the scarf?
.
.
.
.
.
.
You hang around. I'll go on a head.
Why is ice like music?
.
.
.
.
.
.
If you don't see sharp you'll be flat.
Why did the fly fly?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because the spider spied her. [Oh wait, that's for Halloween]
TurbulentTurtle
Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Time for some Christmas humor
Snowman 1: Hey, Snowman 2! What are you doing up in that pecan tree?
Snowman 2: Nuttin'!
Snowman 1: Hey, Snowman 2! What are you doing up in that pecan tree?
Snowman 2: Nuttin'!
Amra
Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Time for some Christmas humor
One holiday season, while listening to the radio, I heard a story of a woman who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both of her children asking for everything they saw on those shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during this holiday season of the year. It was the overwhelming pressure to go to every party and every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we do not forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making certain we respond to everyone who sends us a card.
Finally the elevator doors opened, and there was already a crowd inside. She pushed her way into the elevator, with all of her shopping bags, and then pulled her two children in with her. When the doors closed she could not take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot!"
From the back of the car, everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, "Don't worry, we already crucified Him." For the rest of the trip down, the elevator was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
One holiday season, while listening to the radio, I heard a story of a woman who was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both of her children asking for everything they saw on those shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during this holiday season of the year. It was the overwhelming pressure to go to every party and every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we do not forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making certain we respond to everyone who sends us a card.
Finally the elevator doors opened, and there was already a crowd inside. She pushed her way into the elevator, with all of her shopping bags, and then pulled her two children in with her. When the doors closed she could not take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot!"
From the back of the car, everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, "Don't worry, we already crucified Him." For the rest of the trip down, the elevator was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
bg1256
Diabloii.Net Member
SaroDarksbane
Diabloii.Net Site Pal
Re: Time for some Christmas humor
"The first time I had sex, I was scared. It was dark . . . and I was all alone!"
Indeed.
"The first time I had sex, I was scared. It was dark . . . and I was all alone!"
sevencreature
Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Time for some Christmas humor
Something like this?
http://www.rob-sheridan.com/sketchblog/pics/xmas2007.jpg
:whistling: Kinda last year, yeah, I know...
Something like this?
http://www.rob-sheridan.com/sketchblog/pics/xmas2007.jpg
:whistling: Kinda last year, yeah, I know...
BobCox2
Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Time for some Christmas humor
'Twas Assembly Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage “Some Assembly Required.”
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie’s town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat….
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can’t get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
“Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.”
“Honey,” said hubby, “you just glued my hand.”
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With “assembly required” till morning’s first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
“This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we’ll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!”
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there’s something to say for those self-deluded;
I’d forgotten that batteries are never included!
The Real Thing here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZatVGNJC-c
'Twas Assembly Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage “Some Assembly Required.”
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie’s town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat….
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can’t get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
“Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.”
“Honey,” said hubby, “you just glued my hand.”
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With “assembly required” till morning’s first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
“This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we’ll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!”
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there’s something to say for those self-deluded;
I’d forgotten that batteries are never included!
The Real Thing here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZatVGNJC-c