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Things my mother taught me

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Freemason, May 27, 2005.

  1. Freemason

    Freemason Banned

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    Things my mother taught me

    Things My Mother Taught Me

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.â€

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.â€

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!â€

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    “Because I said so, that’s why.â€

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.â€

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.â€

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.â€

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.â€

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!â€

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.â€

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.â€

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
    “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!â€

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.â€

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    “Stop acting like your father!â€

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do! â€

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    “Just wait until we get home.â€

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    “You are going to get it when you get home!â€

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.â€

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?â€

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to meâ€

    21 My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.â€

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    “You’re just like your father.â€

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?â€

    24. My mo ther taught me WISDOM.
    “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.â€

    25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

    This proudly stolen from www.evilconservativeblog.com
     
  2. TurbulentTurtle

    TurbulentTurtle Diabloii.Net Member

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    Awesome list, good read and good laughs :)
     
  3. Keldaris

    Keldaris Diabloii.Net Member

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    mildly humorous
     
  4. Twoflower

    Twoflower Banned

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    explains why he turned out that way, though
     
  5. Beowulf

    Beowulf Diabloii.Net Member

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    Very much so :D
     
  6. nrabbit

    nrabbit Diabloii.Net Member

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    hillarious :lol: read the frist 10 and i was laughing so hard i fell from the chair
     
  7. Matt

    Matt Diabloii.Net Site Pal

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    Haha, those are a riot :)
     

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