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The Infinite Improbability Drive

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Undisputed Ruler of All, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Undisputed Ruler of All

    Undisputed Ruler of All IncGamers Member

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    The Infinite Improbability Drive

    Me and a couple friends of mine are working on a new device in our D&D games...

    For those of you who have read/seen the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you know what this is. For those of you who haven't, and don't know anything about the series, the Infinite Improbability Drive is basically a device, that, once activated, will alter reality in a completely random and unpredictable way, that while not impossible, is extremely improbable.
    For instance, once the IID is activated, it might turn everyone near it into purple wombats with wings... Or a viking will come riding into the room on a llama, wielding a 6 ft long stale cheesestick, while muttering vulgar obscenities under his breath.

    While it's true that the IID should be completely random, and therefore when used in our games, the results should be made off the top of the DM's head, it was pointed out to me that it couldn't hurt to have a few preconcieved notions as to what those results could be, and that it was equally as random to have ideas that came from complete strangers as to make them up myself, and that I could do a percentile to see if I used your ideas, or mine.

    So what I'm getting at is that I want you to come up with completely random improbable things that could happen, and keep in mind that totally mundane things could be improbable as well... (such as your mother appearing out of nowhere to scold you to within an inch of your life)....
     
  2. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    Two wild ostriches ride into the room, start a debate on Kant and then promptly turn into an icecream sundae.

    You find yourself sitting on an ottoman in the middle of a lava lamp.

    Everything in the room moves two inches to the right.

    Your left hand turns into a Pez dispenser.

    The floor suddenly sprouts a waist-high crop of giant asparagus. A herd of walking mailboxes walk in, shriek "Oh my god, I left the oven on!" and run out the door. On the ceiling.

    A man with a pelican on his head walks up to you and asks you where the kippers are. Over and over again.

    You die. Sort of.

    The walls turn inside out. You're feeling peckish, so you eat them. It's okay, it's on rye.

    Four giant statues rear up hundreds of feet in the air on all sides: you're in a giant game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

    Something amazing happens, but you forget what.

    Everything in the room turns tartan.

    You're suddenly inside an episode of Hangin' with Mr Cooper, except that in every room there is a small group of jockeys who pummel you with ping-pong balls.

    Gravity reverses, but only for you. And not your clothes.
     
  3. Unchosen

    Unchosen IncGamers Member

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    Your upper lip and non-phallic genitals swap around. Eating becomes a very delicate task.

    Nearby objects turn into a variety of small angry animals and you develop a sudden urge to put things between your legs.

    Nothing changes until you go to the toilet and discover you can urinate molten magma...and you can physically handle the temperature but your mind has not yet fully developed the appropriate pain threshold.

    You lose all ability to communicate except through nude miming.

    You are teleported into a breeding stable for horses and turn into the most attractive looking female horse/mare in the world.

    You find yourself transported back into the Colosseum of the Ancient Greeks as a gladiator armed with only a 12 inch rubber sex toy.
     
  4. Johnny

    Johnny Banned

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    I thought we already had the battlepics thread for people to spam up thier post count. Do we need more of these?
     
  5. Freet

    Freet IncGamers Member

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    Maybe not as much as we need Johnny spamming up his post count whining about the threads he's doing it in.

    Now that's entertainment!



     
  6. Freet

    Freet IncGamers Member

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    • You find out you're a grandfather...of a newt
    • Bags of snot fall on your head.
    • Your shoes become empty tampon boxes
    • A beaver bans you for no appearant reason. He then snaps your bum with his blankie.
    • You magicly appear at McDonalds where you buy a kids meal. They charge you for a Supersized Whataburger meal. Then the hamburglar steals it from you.
    • Nothing happens.
    • You lay an egg.
    • 3 wise men approach you and ask if you have seen a really bright star. You point to the north then they get in their Volvo convertable and head west.
    • You fall into a coma and dream about these ----> :jig:
     
  7. UserMathias

    UserMathias IncGamers Member

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    I want to join in, really I do. But instead I'll point out that this could make an interesting (sorta) computer program. A random number of 'events' - below 10 or so, to keep it reasonable - where each event is a combination of a randomly chosen object and action from their respective finitely long lists. Then serve it a cup of tea and wait for it to do the work.

    *Is surprised upon being lynched by a stampede of furious physicists who finally discovered they don't like smart***es*
     
  8. BlueDogAnchorite

    BlueDogAnchorite IncGamers Member

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    A rather pretentious monkey on a pogostick bounces through the window whilst skillfully swishing a martini and makes several obscene references about the decor of your room. He suggests you invite him back at a later date and contact Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen for a drunken makeover and pay him by means of an intense grooming/threesome session.

    He then exits, but not before poping over your computer and giving you a wink.
     
  9. asdf

    asdf IncGamers Member

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    you knock over a pile of skulls, which bounce around the room and land back into another perfectly neat pile at your feet. the local goblins take this as an omen and worship you as their new god. or prophet.

    the dungeon you are in crumbles in such a fashion that it kills everything except you; the fallen pieces now form a nice spiral staircase leading outside.

    every single oxygen molecule around your head happens to be moving away for a few seconds, while just as many carbon dioxide molecules are going towards it. you die of asphyxiation.
     
  10. Freet

    Freet IncGamers Member

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    • A petunia grows in your *** crack that attracts killer bees.
    • Britney Spears gets a real job
    • You are in the show "Star Treck", and you are Ralph Mouth. Spock thinks you are his *****.
    • Your calendars battery runs down and you are transported back a week before you notice.
    • You develop a liking for Aunt Gussy's infamous green bean casarole.
     
  11. Ikeren

    Ikeren IncGamers Member

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    A herd of O Canada singing alpaca's...or is it alcapa's? runs into the room, trampling everyone and trying to eat anything made out of metal.
     
  12. Stompwampa

    Stompwampa IncGamers Member

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    your random event generator randomly generates a new event randomly.
     
  13. {KOW}Spazed

    {KOW}Spazed Banned

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    Neither, plurals don't need apostrophes. It is alpacas.


    /donny


    I steak knife wielding baboon enters ready to fight your weakest warrior for title of Troop Leader.



     
  14. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    Trek, casserole.



     
  15. TonoTheHero

    TonoTheHero IncGamers Member

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    Your random event generator generates a random event generator



     
  16. Stompwampa

    Stompwampa IncGamers Member

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    randomly...



     
  17. Stoutwood

    Stoutwood IncGamers Member

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    Module88 gets a girlfriend.
     
  18. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    No, that would require an Infinite Impossibility Drive.



     
  19. Cannon Fodder

    Cannon Fodder IncGamers Member

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    Bras rain down from the sky. They then wriggle around trying to pinch people with their clasps.
     

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