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The English Language as seen by a crusty old man

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Freemason, May 22, 2005.

  1. Freemason

    Freemason Banned

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    The English Language as seen by a crusty old man

    We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
    But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
    One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
    Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
    You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
    Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    If the plural of man is always called men,
    Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
    If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
    And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
    If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
    Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
    Then one may be that, and three would be those,
    yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
    and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

    We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
    but though we say mother, we never say methren.
    Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
    but imagine the feminine she, shis and shim.

    Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish Furniture.
    5 ) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid
    12) There was a row among the oarsman about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
    18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21)How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
    22)The wind winds the windmill.

    Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind!

    For example.....if you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

    We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

    Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

    In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

    Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

    Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

    Source
    Libs need not look. I will offend your delicate sensibilites
     
  2. CyberHawk

    CyberHawk IncGamers Member

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    in (18), wouldn't number be replaced by "more numb" ?

    but yes I see your point..surprisingly I guess to why its used by so many.

    Now we should move on to why certain letters put together make cuss words. And whom made them up 1st, and why. I mean..wouldn't fugyi be a bad word if I say so? Or maybe fihnish, or heekiha.....but who knows maybe they are alrdy a word?
     
  3. Alviarin

    Alviarin IncGamers Member

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  4. CyberHawk

    CyberHawk IncGamers Member

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    damn that English teacher!

    hence my Aword. :uhhuh:
     
  5. blu3l1ghtn1ng

    blu3l1ghtn1ng IncGamers Member

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    *spontaneously combusts*
     
  6. Damotta

    Damotta IncGamers Member

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    I dunno about you but my fingers definetly fing.
     
  7. adamfgt78

    adamfgt78 IncGamers Member

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    God damn, how hard is it to NOT quote a huge initial post in your reply? Did you worry that people might think you might actually be responding to a completely different thread or something?
     
  8. Broncobiv2

    Broncobiv2 IncGamers Member

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    Hmm, that site is like Maddox for an older generation.
     
  9. Generator Of Chaos

    Generator Of Chaos IncGamers Member

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    *becomes one with his shoe size*
     
  10. rikstaker

    rikstaker IncGamers Member

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    Its a phunny language.

    Rik
     
  11. Namyeknom

    Namyeknom IncGamers Member

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    Of course English is full of paradoxes, bizarre relationships, and generally wierd pronunciation. And thats what makes it great.

    Anyway, what do you expect from a language thats a mixture of German, French, Latin, Old Norse, and some Gaelic thrown in for good measure...
     
  12. Anakha1

    Anakha1 Banned

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    In my extremely sleep-deprived state at the moment, the only conclusion I can deduce from that post was that Smeg is intending to have a sex change operation. :cheesy:
     
  13. Freemason

    Freemason Banned

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    Nah, that's going to be the Pacific hurricane just as soon as it reaches the Atlantic.
     

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