Tell a Joke Get an Item

Megaman123

Diabloii.Net Member
Tell a Joke Get an Item

If you tell a joke that makes me laugh you can choose an item to take. I am on ladder west btw.

Items:
HoZ x 2
Shako
Gore Riders
Arm of King Leoric
Homunculs x 2
Marrowwalks
Andy's Visage
+3 P&B ammy and circlet
Plain Combat GC
WizSpike(open socket)
Titans
+2 valk helm
Verdungos 14% dr
Buriza
205 cold resist pally shield
203 lit resist pally shield
raven frost
wisp projector low %
upgrade gold wrap
bag of junk 1
bag of junk 2
bag of junk 3

With each joke leave you item peference, accnt name, and times when you play(central time zone).
 
The top stupidity award goes too....

this man.


A local zoo animal cleaner is doing his job today. He is cleaning the various elephants from the zoo.

He is cleaning around his hindcourters and notices that he has some "dingle berries" hanging from its behind. So he decides to help the pacaderm out and starts to remove em.

Tee elephant becomes excited and starts to snort a little. Then the elephant backed up and stomped on the guy's foot. Then decided to drop a load right there. In other words the guy fell down under the elephant while the elephant was taking a schitt.

Well the person was found 4 days later, he died. He was suffocated by the elephant dung that was piled on top of him.
 

Diminished-Soul

Diabloii.Net Member
Ah heres a quite strong joke...

How do you tell the difference between our BotD and www.vritems.com's BotD?

Theirs are Eth 415/15.

*SaladMaN[HoD]
*ProPayneTorch (my ladder acct but I play both)( US Standard Eastern Time)

HoZ plz
 

Coltyy

Diabloii.Net Member
Two men walk into a bar..................












figured one of them would have seen it......(the bar)

IK_Coltyiii

could use a Hoz as I am considering a zealeot
 

Boogie

Diabloii.Net Member
Nice lies Lovelygods, that story is from Newsoftheworld or sumthing and there isnt even a zoo in the german town it was supposed to have taken place
 

Antiochous_3

Diabloii.Net Member
ok. A hunter and his hunting dog were walking through the jungle. Over the course of the day the dog became seperated from his master and became lost. While sitting near a bush thinking about what to do next the dog notices that a panther was close by and had spotted him. Realizing that the panther did not know he was discoved, and thinking fast He crawled into a nearby clump of bushes and when the panther came near, he said "Yumm, man that panther was good."

At hearing this the panther stops and thinks to himself " huh, O man if that dog eats panthers i dont want to mess with him!" The dog peaks out of the bushes and sees the panther sneaking away. He also notices a monkey running after the panther in the trees above him, but thinks nothing of it. Satisfied that his trick had diswaded the panther from following him, the dog continued on his hunt for his master.

While all this was happening, a monkey happend to be sitting in a tree above the panther and the dog and saw everything. The monkey decides that he will get into the panthers good graces and hopefully keep him from trying to eat him by telling panther the trick the dog pulled on him.

A little while later the dog stops and notices that the same panther was comming up the hill towards him being led by the monkey that he saw in the tree. Thinking fast the dog agian hid in some nearby bushes and waited till the panther came into hearing rang and said, "Man im hungry! I wonder were that damn monkey is that is supposed to be bringing me another panther?"

Antiochous_10, Im on after 6:00pm mountain time ususally. if the andy visage is still available i need that other wise a zak would be wonderful.
 

zero9

Diabloii.Net Member
This is something that happened to me today which is funny because it is
totally true...

First, the setup... a few days ago I went to Target to buy a frame for a
print that I had purchased. I had the frame sitting in my apartment until
last night when I decided to actually put the print in the frame. When I
opened the frame, I discovered that one of the corners was broken, which I
didn't notice until now because it was covered with some styrofoam
padding. So, today I needed to make another trip to Target.

I refunded the frame and then began to look at the frames again. I
started to wonder if I really wanted this frame because it was 18"x24" and
the print was actually a non-standard size of 10"x24". I began to think
of other options while I headed towards the hardware section.

The most elegant option I thought of was to get a couple of clips and
attach them to the print and then get some hooks, nail the hooks to the
wall, and then hang the print up like that.

I wandered around the hardware section for a couple minutes and couldn't
find what I was looking for. As I walked out of one of the aisles,
standing right there was an employee, so I decided to ask him for help.

"Do you have any hooks?" I asked.

Just then, I happened to glance down, and...
THE MAN HAD A HOOK IN PLACE OF A RIGHT HAND!

Oh my God, I couldn't believe it! I swear, I almost fell down. This guy
has a hook on his arm and I ask him, "Do you have any hooks?" ??
Unbelievable! It's not as though I said "Do you sell hooks?" or even a
simple "Could you show me where the picture hooks would be?" No, I say
exactly, "Do you have any hooks?" If there ever was a "faux pas", this
sure was it.

Well, he was very friendly and pointed me to what I sought without any
sort of strange reaction. I still felt like an ***. For the next twenty
minutes I kept repeating that line in my head wondering if anything worse
could have come out of my mouth. I then determined I was going to Hell.

HoZ
*Skoog
After 3 PM Central - 9 PM Central Weekdays, Most of weekends.
 

ARK

Diabloii.Net Member
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

--

HoZ, *noahark, Im in Indiana so its not far from central time, but I usually play in the evenings around 10-midnight or so.
 

toolthegod

Diabloii.Net Member
what do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever. :thumbsup:

I got kicked out of a movie theater the other day for bringing my own food.
Have you seen the prices of the food there??
...plus it's been a long time sense I've had a BBQ. :teeth:

A kid goes into confession one day. says, "father, I've dreamed about my sister being naked. Is that a sin??"
The father of the church says, "Why yes that's a sin, don't you have 2 beutiful brothers?" :worship:



I like the marrowwalks. :uhhuh:
 

ALtheDefender

Diabloii.Net Member
Gonna keep it quick here.....

What does Michael Jackson like about twenty-eight year olds?

There are twenty of the :). I'm on East, just thought I'd contribute to this interesting thread.
 

Bonesman

Diabloii.Net Member
I'm east too, but what the heck why not make someone laugh:

So there's this guy sitting in his living room, hears a knock on the door. Guy walks over, opens the door and there's noone there. He looks around and then down and there's this snail sitting there looking up at him. So the guy picks up the snail and throws it as hard as he can out the door.

Three years later the guy is once again sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Walks over, opens the door, noone! He looks down and the snail looks up at him and says, "What was that all about?"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

So this blind guy walks into a bar and sits down. Bartender asks him, "Sir, can I get you anything?"
"Sure but first I have this great blonde joke!"
Bartender says, "Well sir, before you say it, I should warn you I am blonde, the woman next to you is a blonde cop, the woman on the other side of you is a blonde bodybuilder and the two women behind you are blonde cops, now are you sure you still want to tell it?
Guy thinks for a second and says, "No, not if I have to explain it 5 times.

AAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHH! Whew.
 

Forever_Zero

Diabloii.Net Member
One day before Adam and Eve were going to make love, Eve decided to freshen up in the local stream. Upon washing herself there became massive storm clouds forming above Eve. When she asked why god was angry at her he replied "Now I'll never bee able to get that smell out of the fish!"

*Phoenix0902
*Phoenix0903
I'm on most weekends around 9-12 mst
The HoZ would be nice
 

pntball101

Diabloii.Net Member
what do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
fur traders
/w *pntball101
im usually on diablo on weekends never during the week
o ya i want verdungos
 

Apologetix

Diabloii.Net Member
acct: Apologetix
item: HoZ please =D

A guy noticed his fiance's sister was always giving him sexually suggestive glances. She would always bend over to give him a nice peak of her underwear and always rub up against him. One day the two were alone in her house and she said, "come upstairs if you want and you can have your way with me. i want to sleep with you once before you marry my sister" when she reaches the top of the stairs the guy rushes out the front door and starts to walk towards his car. Nearby he sees his soon to be father in law run at him and hug him and said "you passed the test.. you can now marry my daughter congratulations."

moral of the story: you should always keep your condoms in the damn car and not in your wallet.

Duck: do you have any crackers?
Bartender: Nope.
Duck: got crackers?
Bartender: I said no.
Duck: you got some crackers?
Bartender: NO NO AND NO.. if you ask me one more time i will nail your beak shut.
Duck: got any nails?
Bartender: No.
Duck: got any crackers?

hehe... (crosses fingers)

if that HoZ is gone ill take the verdungos... and if thats gone ill take gore riders...

1.)HoZ
2.)Verdungos
3.)GoreRiders

hehe there you go is my order of preference if i made you laugh.
 

kanowhoopass

Diabloii.Net Member
When do you know it is bed time at Michael Jackson's house?

-When the little hand touches the big hand.


What do Mcdonalds and Michael Jackson's house have in common?

-They both have 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns.

i could use
-Verdungos 14% dr
-Hoz (if you still have) or
-shako
*streetjustice
*streetpharmacis
i will be on from 9-11pm central 6-9pm pacific
 
Throwback Joke


Whats similar about Monica Lewinski and a vending machine?






they both say "insert Billl Here" :thumbsup:






And that Elephant thing was from the Darwin Awards e-mail that goes around.... i lost the mail so i made up my own lol.....

Give my HoZ to Saladman_HoD

gg.. :lol:
 

CookiesnCream

Diabloii.Net Member
Megaman123 said:
If you tell a joke that makes me laugh you can choose an item to take. I am on ladder west btw.

Items:
HoZ x 2
Shako
Gore Riders
Arm of King Leoric
Homunculs x 2
Marrowwalks
Andy's Visage
+3 P&B ammy and circlet
Plain Combat GC
WizSpike(open socket)
Titans
+2 valk helm
Verdungos 14% dr
Buriza
205 cold resist pally shield
203 lit resist pally shield
raven frost
wisp projector low %
upgrade gold wrap
bag of junk 1
bag of junk 2
bag of junk 3

With each joke leave you item peference, accnt name, and times when you play(central time zone).
1) Item: Andy's Visage
2) Account: Pkmuleing
3) Time: 3:00 PM Pacific Time. Or 8:00 - 9:00 PM (Pacific Time) today

Ok here's the joke:

There were these parents, and they had a little boy. One day they decided to take their kid to a nude beach. Since everyone else was naked on the Beach, the family decided to take off their clothes as well. All three of them went their separate ways. The little boy decided to go and play on the beach, a few minutes later he came running to his mom and asked "Mom, why do some women have bigger breasts than you." The mom replied with "Well, the bigger the breasts, the dumber the person is." The kid was satisfied with this response and went back to play. A few minutes later, he came back and asked "Hey mom, how come some men have a bigger penis than dad's.?" The mom replied with "Well the bigger the penis, the dumber the person is." The kid went back to the beach and continued to play. Then he came back to his mom and said "Hey mom, Dad's talking to the dumbest lady on the beach and the more he talks to her, the dumber he gets."
 
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