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Sixth Grade History

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by llad12, Mar 31, 2004.

  1. llad12

    llad12 IncGamers Member

    Jun 24, 2003
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    Sixth Grade History

    This morning I was cleaning out some old e-mails and found this little gem that was sent to me a couple of years ago.


  2. Nastie_Bowie

    Nastie_Bowie Banned

    Jun 27, 2003
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    Out of the mouths of babes ...

    Good one.
  3. Geeno

    Geeno IncGamers Member

    Jun 23, 2003
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    The fact that they try to pass it off as the work of 6th graders ruins the humor for me.
  4. Canadia142

    Canadia142 Banned

    Aug 23, 2003
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    7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

    this is the best one
  5. Nword

    Nword Banned

    Jun 26, 2003
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    Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

    thats the one that made me laugh the most... dang i'm a bastard
  6. MixedVariety

    MixedVariety Banned

    Jul 8, 2003
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    Pretty funny stuff, a couple of them had me cackling. I don't know if those are truly 6th grade work, though.
    Donkey Hote. Too much.
  7. DurfBarian

    DurfBarian IncGamers Member

    Jun 22, 2003
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    Here's an essay version I have lying around:

    Subject: History lessons

    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is
    receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have
    pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
    genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United
    States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you
    will learn a lot.

    The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the
    Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such
    that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the
    dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in
    the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains
    between France and Spain.

    Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses
    led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread
    made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
    to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing
    the liar. He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in
    Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500

    Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented
    three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had
    myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of
    Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable.
    Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the
    "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on
    his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man
    of that name.

    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
    advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

    In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
    and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The
    government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into
    their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so
    high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were
    doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered
    because the Persians had more men.

    Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people
    Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman
    banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar
    extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March
    killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a
    cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to

    Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King
    Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops
    before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George
    Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their
    necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be
    hanged twice for the same offense.

    In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest
    writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also
    wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow
    through an apple while standing on his son's head.

    The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value
    of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at
    Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being
    excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the
    female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of
    great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir
    Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Anot
    her important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake
    circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

    The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found
    walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth
    was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth
    exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her
    navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear.
    Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
    He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and
    errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his
    situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady
    Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his
    manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at
    the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey
    Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise
    Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

    During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
    great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
    His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the
    Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress.
    When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came
    down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs
    carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed,
    along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of
    1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies
    were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

    One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks
    in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their pacels through the
    post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was
    throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks
    crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for

    Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented
    Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
    singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston
    carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each
    arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a
    horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is
    still dead.

    George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the
    Father of Our Country. Them the Constitution of the United States was
    adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people
    enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

    Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
    mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with
    his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat.
    He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln write the
    Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the
    back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and
    the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue
    Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent
    victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and
    got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The
    believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedl insane actor. This
    ruined Booth's career.

    Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
    Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy".
    Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
    Autumn, when the apples are flaling off the trees.

    Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
    Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very
    large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even
    though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long
    walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven
    expired in 1827 and later died for this.

    France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was
    accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of
    the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the
    Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their
    shoes. Then the Spanish gorrilas came down from the hills and nipped at
    Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very
    tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since
    Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.

    The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is
    in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest
    queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. He reclining years and finally
    the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death
    was the final event which ended her reign.

    The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and
    thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
    spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the
    work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis
    Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturailst who
    wrote the "Organ of the Species". Madman Curie discovered radium. And
    Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

    The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a
    surf,ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
  8. Anakha1

    Anakha1 Banned

    Jul 19, 2003
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    Human history better get its anals checked by a doctor. That error doesn't sound good... :cheesy:
  9. th5418

    th5418 Banned

    Nov 1, 2003
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    The best one is this.
  10. cyclotronic

    cyclotronic IncGamers Member

    Jun 27, 2003
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    300 wives and 700 concubine. Nice.
  11. Ash Housewares

    Ash Housewares IncGamers Member

    Jun 30, 2003
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    I had a nagging suspicion...
  12. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

    Jun 22, 2003
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    I love the Beethoven one.
  13. memememe173

    memememe173 IncGamers Member

    Nov 16, 2003
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    I havn't laughed this hard in years
  14. TheHillbilly

    TheHillbilly IncGamers Member

    Sep 21, 2003
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    These qoutes are too over the top, straining to be funny to be real, and lose any sort of humour.

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