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Red Skelton's Tips For A Happy Marriage

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Freemason, Mar 27, 2004.

  1. Freemason

    Freemason Banned

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    Red Skelton's Tips For A Happy Marriage

    RED SKELTON'S TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

    1) Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2) We also sleep in separate beds. Hers in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

    3) I take my wife everywhere.but she keeps finding her way back.

    4) I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

    5) We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6) She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric breadmaker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.


    7) My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "in the lake".

    8) She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

    9) She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

    10)Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11)I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    12)I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

    13) The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
     
  2. Night

    Night IncGamers Member

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    That's so wrong hahaha.
     
  3. Ting

    Ting IncGamers Member

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    haha, rolf!
     
  4. bigD72

    bigD72 IncGamers Member

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    *ZING*

    I feel a little dirty just for reading that
     
  5. xXxDraGoNxXx1123

    xXxDraGoNxXx1123 IncGamers Member

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    LOL! Those two were the best. :lol:
     
  6. Mecal

    Mecal IncGamers Member

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    lol, i was gonna say the same thing. :)
    #4 is pretty funny as well.
     
  7. Canadia142

    Canadia142 Banned

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    That decribes my mom 100%. Thats probably why she fights with everyone in the family.
     
  8. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

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    #8 is....mean?
     
  9. Choogy

    Choogy IncGamers Member

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    Lol...tis good, tis good...
    #10 is pretty true tho
     
  10. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

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    I kinda like 13
     

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