Personal problem vent (long) I don't know what to do. I am now in a situation that I am extremely inadequate to deal with. This situation hurts myself and two other people. The only reason I am posting this, other than to vent, is because of the anonymity of the internet and the almost certainty that the reader doesn't know me. A neutral bystander is what I need the most--I hope. The background: A co-worker is currently involved with a guy; they have every intention of getting married. She moved to my region, leaving all of her family, friends, and contacts behind, to be with him in an area in which she knows no one. The only people she has had the opportunity to meet are her co-workers. His job has sent him away, far enough away so that he can only see her every month or so. Phone and email are their only modes of contact, and she tells him everything she does. Without fail. Everything. I have no self-confidence. At all. My last few years have been spent on a computer except for college and work. The few friends that I do regularly see share many of the same qualities that I do. What time we do spend together usually involves more computers, gaming consoles, or retarded movies that only we could enjoy. I have not been on a date since my senior year of high-school, a good four years ago. I have never even kissed a girl much less anything more than that. Because I do not know how to act around women in public I'm sure I come off as an ***, jerk, etc. The truth is that I just don't know what to do, say, or behave. My nerves are horrendous; I shake constantly because I fear people are constantly judging me. I can't control it without a conscious effort and with that effort I am unable to do anything else. It's basically lose-lose for me. About a month ago, perhaps a little longer, said co-worker asked me to spend some time with her, help her get to know the area and get her out of her house. Because she is an attractive woman and someone I was able to get to know a bit I said yes. I still don't know exactly why I agreed, but I did. We went to a bar for a few hours and talked, watched the scenery of the area. Nothing else. For some reason, of which I still do not know, I was very comfortable with her. For the first time in my life I was able to just talk. We talked about her background, mine, random world events, you name it. She told me personal things and asked them of me. Remarkably I answered. Disregarding sheer embarrassment or whathaveyou I was able to tell her that I am still a virgin, that I have nervous issues, that my family life is bad, that I spent the last five years in front of a computer. I didn't even hesitate. There is just something about her that put me at ease so much that I was able to enjoy myself, in public (around a lot of strangers, at that), for the first time. Ever. One of the most important things that she told me that night was this: "I have never cheated on <boyfriend's name here> and never intend to." Now, I will admit that prior to this I had had thoughts involving her. Who wouldn't? She is attractive, charming, etc. After she told me this line the first thought that entered my head was "ok then, nothing will happen". As far as I was concerned nothing would ever happen. She was taken, I have nothing to offer her, physically or otherwise, she wouldn't have me for anything. I know it is hard to believe but after that night I never imagined a single scenario in which anything remotely intimate would happen. The idea of "co-work and I having sex" would immediately prompt thoughts of "she's taken...you aren't attractive...you wouldn't be able to do anything regardless...". After just the idea I couldn't imagine past that because of those thoughts. Nothing would come of it. After that we were together a lot. She is someone that I am comfortable with. She is the first person who ever complimented me. She made me feel like I wasn't a total failure of biology. Out of this relationship I got advice, a good friend I could talk to about anything, and a means to get away from my computer. Out of the relationship I thought that she got a new friend, someone to show her the new city she moved to, and someone she could trust in total confidence about anything. For a bit this was how it was. We went to bars a few more times or just stayed at her home watching movies or whatever. For a few days I stayed at her home while some renovating was being done to my home (with the consent of both her and her boyfriend). Other than that only three times have I stayed past midnight or slept at her home. Each time I stayed the night I stayed in the guest bedroom, never thinking anything of it. Only once have I even stepped foot into her bedroom and that time she wasn't there (I saw a photo album I wanted to look through). NEVER did anything happen. NEVER did I think anything would happen. Apparently she is a flirtatious girl. I knew this but thought nothing of it. I thought of it only as who she was. I was already to the point where I knew nothing would happen so I mostly disregarded it. I probably flirted back some--in private--although I know I'm probably bad at it. Well...an event happened. We will disregard what the event is because I don't think it is really important. The important part is that nothing happened (no kiss, sex, drugs, or rock and roll) but that it wasn't proper. Something meant as a joke to see her reaction, and was approved of by another co-worker (who was part of the joke), back-fired. I must reitterate this: said event was meant as a joke and nothing more. Before the event happened, however, I learned that said boyfriend would not appreciate something along those lines. I immediately called off the event (to the dismay of other co-worker and fiance) and told my friend what I had planned. She told her boyfriend. The short of it is that he did not appreciate even the thought of the event. He now hates me. He called me and threatened me should I have anything to do with her again. He is angry at her for being with me so often. From sources we still are not sure of he was told that we weren't "just friends". He was told that we have been sleeping together, that I stay at her home nearly every day, that any number of things we shouldn't be doing we have done. None of which is true. Nothing that we did he did not hear about from her. Like I said, she tells him EVERYTHING. I tried to explain myself, my intentions, and apologize for my lack of forsight in my joke. The only responses I could get were that I am a liar and I had better not be near her again. Now, even, she does not believe me in my intentions. She thinks that I am lying when it comes to how I think of her. She is dissappointed with my idea of a joke and, mostly, my lack of forsight in the matter. So now I have several problems. First is that a guy that I wanted to become friends with hates me. A friend that I had no longer trusts me and is probably beginning to hate me. He is doubting her and her intentions so their relationship is on the rocks. My nerves and social anxiety, which I thought were improving, are getting worse. Who knows what other problems will arise from this? I realize now some of the mistakes that I have made. Some of them I warned her about because I know that I make them, yet an unable to realize that I am making them until too late. I fully accept responsibility for much of what happened, regardless if the fault is actually mine. The event, of which I am not mentioning the exact nature of, while meant to be a joke and only a joke, was a terrible idea that I should have thought through more. Hindsight is 20/20, eh? I apologize for the length of this post. I needed to vent and, hopefully, get some insight and advice. What could I have done differently? Did I really do anything wrong? Did I do anything right? If I can clarify things for accuracy I will but I believe that I have said more than enough. If you have read this then you have my thanks. Venting is good, I think, even if it is as an anonymous.