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overcoming gender based psychological traits

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Sergeant, Feb 4, 2004.

  1. Sergeant

    Sergeant IncGamers Member

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    overcoming gender based psychological traits

    Specifically, the male tendency to want to "fix" everything. Whether it's a physically broken object (lawnmower, vcr, fine china) or an intangible break (emotional or other type of problem) with his family, spouse or significant other.

    Guys, I'm here to tell you from experience to be very selective and careful when you decide to charge into the fray and fix a problem "she" is having. However the "she" applies to you. Especially when "she" is of the female homosapien persuasion. When she is venting to you, complaining about something that is wrong and how she doesn't like it and it should be this way and so on. If you want to help, tell her, ask her "how can I help?".

    This next part is important.

    If she says "don't do anything, it will only inflame the situation", LISTEN TO HER. Do not charge off into the thick of it anyhow, determined that you, superman in your own eyes, can fix "it". By an overwhelming majority, your good intentions will blow up in your face like a car battery with jumper cables on wrong. Then you'll spend days wondering why the heck you didn't just listen to her in the first place; "I mean, she DID say to NOT DO ANYTHING. She did tell you it would get worse, and it did. She did say pretty specifically what would happen if I got involved and I'll be darned if pretty much what she said would happen happened just like she said it would."

    Guys have a very strong desire to help, to fix and to make it all better. But sometimes guys, helping means keeping your trap shut, your hands in your pockets and just let her vent. Sometimes all she wants is you to listen and NOT DO ANYTHING.

    Yes, for those of you out there thinking it, I will say it. I just did exactly what I'm warning you all not to. My bride-to-be was venting to me about somethings she was upset over. I offered to help. She said no and proceeded to tell me in detail why. Now, for the life of me, I can't figure out why I ignored all that and tried to help anyhow. It makes no sense that I would not have listened to her and just let her vent and deal with it as she wanted to. Now I've got her pissed at me, her mom pissed at me and who knows what else. I'm thinking it's not as terrible as I've been thinking because there hasn't been any phone calls yet.

    I got a few e-mails from her, telling me to call. One came last night just after I shut my computer down so I didn't get it till this morning. The other two came today while she is at work. So tonight I will be calling her after she gets home to see what's been happening since I stomped on a piece of flaming C4 yesterday.

    All I know so far is she left work an hour early yesterday to get home and try to fix my Homer. Aside from that, I have no idea what's been going on so I naturally assumed the worst and have been waiting for the call. Well, it never came so I resolved that I'm just in trouble. That I can handle. I can handle being pissed at. I can handle being yelled at. I can take my lumps and move on. I'm hoping that is as bad as it will get and I can just learn a very valuable lesson from all this without permanent damage.

    What is the lesson you ask? The next time "she" confides in you about something, you offer to help and she says NO then proceeds to tell you why, LISTEN TO HER. There, I've just saved many of you guys hours or days of misery, apologizing and groveling. Feel free to send cash, checks or money orders. I'll PM my address to whoever needs it. :xsmile4:
     
  2. Smeg Head

    Smeg Head IncGamers Member

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    I hope the stomped on flaming Semtex was only a metaphor.

    Good advice all around Sarge. Just don't take it to extremees and NOT help when it's already crawled into the toilet and is reaching for the handle. (another metaphor for the unwashed masses)
     
  3. Geeno

    Geeno IncGamers Member

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    I hear ya brother, Ive been through it and done the wrong thing... and never realized what I should have done so thanks!

    Anyways girlfriends uncle (close uncle?) died and she was all sad and I just got pissed because there was nothing I could do. **** I still dont know what I should have done, I suppose nothing but there has to be something to nothing.

    For me its either fix it with wise advice from geeno or offer nothing besides "damn that sucks".

    Neither gets me anywhere, its my bane!
     
  4. LunarSolaris

    LunarSolaris IncGamers Member

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    Some good advice there Sarge (Josh)... and good advice for anyone to heed.

    Luckily, I was raised viewing my world from the female perspective (as I grew up without male influence, this became a default perspective for me). As such, I've never been one to try and "fix" things unless asked to do so.

    Glad that you learned from it Josh... and i'll hope that whatever it is that you did to piss off your fiance and her mother blows over here shortly. Things like this usually do with time and distance.
     
  5. toader

    toader Banned

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    If females would just stop getting themselves into problems in the first place....... :xmad:
     
  6. Sergeant

    Sergeant IncGamers Member

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    I would just like to point out toader said that, not me.

    *points accusingly at toader*
     
  7. Akira

    Akira Member

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    Sound advice sarge, i will most definately put it into practice should the situation arise.
     
  8. dodomac

    dodomac IncGamers Member

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    Yep, I basically do the same thing, except a more extreme version of it. Just pretend like you're listening, this way you won't get bogged down by someone else's problems.
     
  9. Akira

    Akira Member

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    Heh... depends on the girl.

    My last (as in, i had no other ones after her) girlfriend in highschool i actually got by listening to her, and instead of trying to fix things for her, i talked about them and possible ways she could deal with it (this part i did not do every time, it lends itself to certain situations and not to others).

    i did meet one girl today, and to put it lightly she is best dealt with in small doses. To avoid conflict my brain kept going into 'safe' mode. i'm sure everyone knows what 'safe' mode is, glazed eyes, nodding of head, occaisional "uh-huh" so the girl knows you're 'listening'.
     

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