Ah, the weekend was so great, my relationship to Sina got much more intimate, mentally as well as physically.
Nevertheless I still have to fight my jealousy. I actually know everything you say and I know that it is right. The only right way. I got to know a lot about relationships and lots of the things you say sound familiar. But now that I really AM in a relationship, it's something totally different. I am directly confronted with such issues and it isn't only a informative text or something, but affects me and my life.
I understand what you say, that distrust always plays a role in jealousy. But the jealousy isn't meant in a bad way by all means. I know that it might result in something terrible and that is what I fear. But I also fear losing her and that is why I am jealous. With Sina I am happy again. In retrospect I can say that I often looked back on former happy times in the last years. Times about which I can say "hah, that was cool!", but which will probably never come back. With Sina I don't have to look back because the present is so overwhelmingly great. Therefore I don't want to lose her and am too suspicious when she's in contact with other boys.
Yes, I know that this is wrong, but it's hard to put aside. It's something my brain knows, but my heart still has to learn. Or vice versa, I don't know. It's just like last year, where you all told me that I have to be happy with my actions and that it's unimportant what others think. I knew that you were right, but I still had to make my experiences to learn it. I have learned this and it has already helped me in my life a lot, it has made me more self-confident. Thank you very much for this! :flowers:
However, I can see Sina again tomorrow (I couldn't today)! :heart:
