Nerds Make Better Lovers

axeil

Diabloii.Net Member
Nerds Make Better Lovers

From the New York Daily News.

Nerds make better lovers

Ready for a real relationship? Ditch the
pretty boys and grab yourself a geek


By TRACEY LOMRANTZ

Christina Aguilera recently traded in piercings for petticoats, apparently making the usual Marilyn Monroe morph. But there's more than meets the eye: Sure, she's blond, buxom and sweet-voiced now, but she's also emulating the classic bombshell in matters of the heart.

You see, Aguilera's fiance, like Monroe's husband, playwright Arthur Miller, is kind of a geek.

When Aguilera announced her engagement to smarty-pants music executive Jordan Bratman in February, the 24-year-old pop star demonstrated a tried-and-true dating trick. Geeks have got the goods.

Bratman, with his scrawny frame and oversize ears, has mastered the music industry at just 26 and is Romeo enough to have stolen Aguilera's heart (as well as inspired her new demure-coquette look).

"A nerd is an excellent provider and a guy who puts you first," says E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine's love and sex advice columnist. "He'll turn out to be a great father and a great husband."

And, she insists that a woman who is willing to stick it out with a nerd and get past his quirks will be handsomely rewarded. "Don't give up on him too fast," she said. "If you stick with him, he's going to turn out to be really great."

If Hollywood is any indication, then yes, he will. This month, reality TV celebrates geek love with two shows: Ashton Kutcher's "Beauty and the Geek," which pairs braniacs with bimbos for a "social experiment," and the latest installment of "Average Joe," in which a pretty girl woos not-so-studly dudes (airing on June 22).

On Fox's "The O.C.," the nerdy Seth Cohen (played by Adam Brody) didn't just land the adorable Summer Roberts (Rachel Bilson) on TV - he managed to get the girl in real life, too. Bilson (and her character) managed to look past the slicked-down hair to find the witty guy beneath. Cohen's obsession with comic books? Her character deems it sweet. Brody's nasal drawl? Bilson doesn't seem to mind.

How can a savvy girl land a geek of her own? Spencer Koppel, a self-proclaimed geek who attends crossword-puzzle tournaments on weekends, has made it easy for girls with their eye on the prize with his "Geek to Geek" dating service, www.gk2gk.com.

Members can meet and select a perfect mate (guys with screen names like "thinkspecs" and "ivygrad") based on favorite board game and gadget instead of eye color, height and other categories the nerds might be lacking.

And according to Koppel, the pool is stocked with supreme sci-fi fans and accomplished intellects.

"I think geeks are more successful. They're happier in the work they do," Koppel said. "And they're pretty faithful people, because they're certainly grateful for anything they have."

When it comes to the between-the-sheets aspect of the relationship, Carroll agreed that a girl couldn't do much better than a less-than-perfect male specimen. "We've all been to bed with the guy who is worried about what he looks like, checking the mirror before he gets in bed," she said. "The nerd, gloriously, stunningly, perfectly, is into the woman. That right there is very stirring, sexually."

Tiger's purr-fect

It seems to be enough for the likes of goddess models and Hollywood A-listers. Tiger Woods has a geek-like drive for a stodgy sport, a fat bank account and Swedish model Elin Nordegren on his arm. David Arquette may not have the body of a Greek god, but he managed to land sexy former Friend Courteney Cox with his goofy humor and mismatched wardrobe.

For Scott Dennis, a 34-year-old teacher from Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, "geek" and "good guy" are synonymous - and he is both. Although some aspects of his personality make him what he called a "quintessential babe magnet" (former jock, drummer in a rock band), the real qualities that helped him land his girlfriend are the geeky ones.

"Do I know the difference between a knight and a pawn? Certainly," he says. "Am I familiar with the Four Move Checkmate? Well, maybe I am. ... But the truth is I'm a decent guy with diverse interests who actually offers authenticity in his relationships."

But to get to that authentic nerd, chic women have to be willing to embrace their own inner geek and accept the guy for who he is, chess trophies and all. The caveat to mating with a geek, as some dating experts see it, is coming to terms with his less-than-studly looks and less-than-suave demeanor. All thoughts of embarrassment have to go out the window.

Andrea Lavinthal, who co-authored (with Jessica Rozler) "The Hookup Handbook," a young woman's guide to navigating the waters of singlehood, says that being sure of your choice of guy is first and foremost.

"Girls tend to worry about what their friends are going to think," she said, "and you have to get over it. You can't always be making excuses and apologies. Give him the respect he deserves, and don't always be assuming you're better than him."

She also said that not all girls are ready for a full-on geek relationship right from the start. Her book has a chapter devoted to "The Snufalufagus Hookup," the one that every girl wishes her friends didn't know about, and that she at first tries to deny happened. "In many ways, it's the first foray into the nerdy guy thing," Lavinthal said. "You're attracted to him because he doesn't screw around. Sure, it's fun to make out with the hot bartender, but you're not going to marry him."

Not falling for the fakes

Koppel, however, warns that unserious girls who prowl his site looking for a breadwinner should use caution - his members may be geeky, but they sure aren't stupid. "I think geeks are intelligent enough to be wary of the idea that an attractive woman is interested in them," he said. "They aren't as drawn to beauty as they are to intelligence, and wouldn't just accept a ditz."

It takes the right kind of girl to love a nerd. Kate Hammer, an NYU student, said she's just that kind of girl. "I have been snagged by nerd charms," she said.

"My ex and I bonded over 'Star Trek,' and on our first date at an amusement park, my current boyfriend impressed me with his intricate understanding of the physics of roller coasters. He's a mechanical engineer."

For a modern girl who is far from ditzy, the geek could be the mate who brings security and a load of eclectic interests to the relationship. Even the once-naughty Aguilera managed to find a guy who defines devotion and doesn't compete to be the sexiest one in the relationship. Clearly, it's what a girl wants.
Nerds Make Better Lovers

Thoughts?
 

D.K.night

Diabloii.Net Member
This is something that's a relief for me to see.

Geeks and nerds are much-maligned and shoved to the edge-of-the-party of the social food chain, where the cooler and trendy players take center stage. The word really needs to get out - a given female's chances are being screwed over and cheated on by a player are astronomically higher than the same thing happening to her if she had only given the honest, humble, and eager-to-please geek a chance.

We've all seen the movies and read the stories about the geek outside her house with flowers in one hand, and an umbrella in other in the lightning-charged, pouring rain. And meanwhile the smooth player's already in her pants in her upstairs bedroom. The heartbreak kills what was once a good man inside the geek, and the seeds of the exploitive player are thus planted. It just doesn't have to be this way, but unfortunately society's - but more importantly women's - attitudes towards dating have changed and evolved over time. What was considered enough to impress and get your foot in the door with a woman in 1950 is not the same as what it takes today. The hard-working husband who pulls in O/T on a regular basis for the sake of earning a little extra for the family, on it's own is no longer enough. He must also tend to her ever changing and evolving emotional needs, lest she engage in some adult-oriented activities with the plumber, gardener, or handsome co-worker. Which is even glamorized and shown as a legitimate and justifiable option, by today's media.

I've went off on a huge tangent here but the core thing I'm trying to say is, I think it's about time. Now mind you Ms. Aquilera's fiance assurely isn't totally your average incoming-earning regular geek, but at least it's progress.
 

AeroJonesy

Diabloii.Net Member
Oh, it's definitely true. Nerds aren't going to break your heart, and they are great to settle down with. You just get screwed in high school (and college to some extent) because many girls don't want to settle down, they just want some quick lovin'.
 

D.K.night

Diabloii.Net Member
Yeah I have to concede that the key words are "settling down". Party with the bartender, but marry the nerd.

In the end, nice guys do finish last(?)
 
AeroJonesy said:
You just get screwed in high school
Isnt that the idea? :uhhuh:
Anyway, being a bit nerdy myself (not complete nerd, but many would group me with them anyway) and in college, its kind of a pain, but my time will come. Just waiting for Mischa barton (Marissa from the OC) to come knocking...:D
 

djIgneo

Diabloii.Net Member
Hmm...Do nice guys truly finish last? This could be an entire different thread topic.

In my experience it sure seems that way. What do you guys/girls think?
 

D.K.night

Diabloii.Net Member
Nice guys DO finish last, in so far as:

- Activities which reward winning-at-all-costs, and shove all others outta your way.

- Activities where rules are stated and the spirit is to follow them...but the bad boy always finds a way to circumvent them. The Nice Guy is left behind yelling "hey man that's not fair, you cheated".

- The "bad boy" always has, and always will, since time immemorial, that certain appeal to women. And the elusive prize that the woman gains from "taming" the bad boy. Yeah right. For every one "taming" that occurs, many hundreds more single mothers spring up. When will they learn? I know this experience first-hand with one my female friends...the hope that he'll change...take responsiblity for his and her child born outta wedlock...that he'll mature...that he'll stop being so obnoxious...that he'll someday stop asking her for money which he blows on drugs and speeding tickets. The probability of all this occuring with a Nice Guy? I wager the percentages in the single if not, decimal, digits.

Ladies if you were to merely just play the odds...by god does the Nice Guy look appealing.
 

Herald of Doom

Diabloii.Net Member
I've always wondered what defines a true geek/nerd. Everyone has nerd-like qualities, but when are you really considered one? :eek: Like, for example, I have 3000+ posts on a gaming forum. Does that make me a geek? ^_^

HoD
 

Phil

Diabloii.Net Member
"If you think that nice guys finish last, you dont know where the finish line is." - Gary Chandling, Esquire

Nice guys don't finish last. Lots of my friends are geeky, and complain about this all the time, but when asked about the last time they asked a girl out or godforbid talked to someone they never met, I always get a lot of humming and hahing in their response but no substance.

Why Beauty and the Geek? Why not Geeky and the Geek? Why is it that geeks sit back and look at the "popular girls"(or whatever stereotype you want to give) and always say "well shes out of my league"/"she only dates assholes"/etc.

Geeks do not make better lovers, boyfriends, or husbands. I know lots of geeks that are jerks just like everyone else, and I know lots of jocks and lead guitarists who are kind, gentle, and all that sappy stuff that you would want in a relationship.

It is easy to sit back and say about yourself that you are a nice guy/girl but you just never get the girl, and you get "screwed" when in college and high school, but in the end, its just a way of throwing around blame. If you want a date, ask. If you get turned down, ask someone else. If you have never been out on a date with a particular someone, and you ask them and get turned down, please dont go mope around and feel sorry for yourself. He/She wasnt the one. I know it seems cliche, but a lot of my guy friends will very very very subtlely massage in "vibes" in a conversation with someone, and then talk about what a nice guy they are and how they got screwed when the girl of "[their] dreams" doesnt get it or turns them down.

The only difference between the geek and the bad boy.... confidence. Thats it.(kinda anti-climactic dont you think? something so simple)

goodluck, be confident.
phil
 

Kawaii

Diabloii.Net Member
Herald of Doom said:
I've always wondered what defines a true geek/nerd. Everyone has nerd-like qualities, but when are you really considered one? :eek: Like, for example, I have 3000+ posts on a gaming forum. Does that make me a geek? ^_^

HoD
dictionary.com
Geek, n. Slang
1.
1. A person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy.
2. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.
2. A carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken.

wikipedia
A person who is interested in technology, especially computing and new media. Comparable with the classic definition of hacker. Late 20th century and early 21st century

urbandictionary
1. geek
The term "geek" originally referred to the carnival performers whose act consisted of biting the heads off chickens and eating glass. Over time it came to be applied to anyone who got paid to do work considered odd or bizarre by mainstream society.

The term now enjoys a special status within the technical community, particularly among particularly knowledgable computer programmers. To identify oneself as a "geek" indicates a recognition that most people still consider programming computers to be a bizarre act, along with a certain fierce satisfaction in being very good at their inglorious profession.

That most software geeks now easily earn twice as much as the average laborer just sweetens their defiant embrace of the term.

Note: Unlike the word "nerd," which is always pejorative, "geek" often carries a positive connotation when used by one of the group. The use of the term by outsiders is considered insulting.
"If you really need the right answer, check with Bob; he's our resident alpha geek."
 

djIgneo

Diabloii.Net Member
Phil,

Geek =\= Nice guy. Confidence is huge in relationships, and while many geeks tend to be rather socially inept and lack confidence, this is not always the case with nice guys.

I guess my question was more about nice guys putting up with more outlandish behavior from not-so-nice females and just getting more mistreated because of thier patience. Just as some guys don't know how to treat a woman with respect and honor, some girls don't know how to treat men with respect and honor. It seems that nice guys end up getting the shaft, similar to the way girls who are nice end up having to put up with more garbage from prospective mates because the mean ones just end up getting away with it and leave the nice people the bill.
 

Omikron8

Diabloii.Net Member
Young females (wild guess of 15-25) want excitement in a relationship. A "nice guy" will often not provide this due to the guy's attitude (by being a nice guy) and will therefore be ignored by the majority of females. I see this crap all the time.
 

Tor

Diabloii.Net Member
damn right we do

4444 posts O_O

edit:

if i remeber correctly revenge of the nerds predicted this
 

Phil

Diabloii.Net Member
Just a Craiglist rave....

djIgneo - I definately agree that these are not the same thing, however I have many friends, and know many people who assume that they are. The article makes Geeks/Nerds mutually exclusive with Nice Guys(as does the CL rave i just posted), and assuming that that is the case, I think that "nice guys [finishing] last" has little to do with getting "screwed" by bad boys and assholes, and a lot to do with the general confidence of people who see themselves as nice guys and geeks.

phil
 

D.K.night

Diabloii.Net Member
Phil said:
"If you think that nice guys finish last, you dont know where the finish line is." - Gary Chandling, Esquire

Nice guys don't finish last. Lots of my friends are geeky, and complain about this all the time, but when asked about the last time they asked a girl out or godforbid talked to someone they never met, I always get a lot of humming and hahing in their response but no substance.

Why Beauty and the Geek? Why not Geeky and the Geek? Why is it that geeks sit back and look at the "popular girls"(or whatever stereotype you want to give) and always say "well shes out of my league"/"she only dates assholes"/etc.

Geeks do not make better lovers, boyfriends, or husbands. I know lots of geeks that are jerks just like everyone else, and I know lots of jocks and lead guitarists who are kind, gentle, and all that sappy stuff that you would want in a relationship.

It is easy to sit back and say about yourself that you are a nice guy/girl but you just never get the girl, and you get "screwed" when in college and high school, but in the end, its just a way of throwing around blame. If you want a date, ask. If you get turned down, ask someone else. If you have never been out on a date with a particular someone, and you ask them and get turned down, please dont go mope around and feel sorry for yourself. He/She wasnt the one. I know it seems cliche, but a lot of my guy friends will very very very subtlely massage in "vibes" in a conversation with someone, and then talk about what a nice guy they are and how they got screwed when the girl of "[their] dreams" doesnt get it or turns them down.

The only difference between the geek and the bad boy.... confidence. Thats it.(kinda anti-climactic dont you think? something so simple)

goodluck, be confident.
phil
I agree with you on many of your points, yet I disagree on just a few.

The difference between a geek and a bad boy is not merely confidence. The boy boy pushes the envelope whenever he can, and the geek tends to stay within the rules, where it's comfortable, where it's safe, where it's clearly defined. The bad boy thumbs his nose at that, and continues to tread the edge. It is this very edge-treading - for lack of better words - which lends them their irresistable allure. The element of danger. Something many young girls crave to have at least at some point in their life. Geeks don't offer that kind of thrill.

I will say one thing though. The geeks tend to be the ones who do not approach the hot girls, and then bemoan how they had no chance anyways. That does point to a lack of self-confidence, but also you do have to remember they know full well that while it's not impossible, the odds are very much stacked against them. Maybe more so than the suave bad boy.
 

Rius666

Diabloii.Net Member
Wow i totally agree with that article. It's nice to see the trend finally start to come out where nerds/geeks (like myself) aren't just shoved to the side and disregarded without a second thought. I hope this short of stuff gets more attention b/c otherwise women who go after the "badasses" will just end up being hurt and more unsure of relationships.

Hope more women catch on to this and realize that geeks aren't to be avoided like the plague and that they can have a lot of potential and future security.
 

Omikron8

Diabloii.Net Member
Rius666 said:
Wow i totally agree with that article. It's nice to see the trend finally start to come out where nerds/geeks (like myself) aren't just shoved to the side and disregarded without a second thought. I hope this short of stuff gets more attention b/c otherwise women who go after the "badasses" will just end up being hurt and more unsure of relationships.

Hope more women catch on to this and realize that geeks aren't to be avoided like the plague and that they can have a lot of potential and future security.
If that "future security" means gold-digging the nerd/geek for all he's worth over many years then i say to hell with those women.
 

CyberHawk

Diabloii.Net Member
For some of you "geeks"...

If a women is EVER more interested in your career(this includes possible future career), than yourself.....you are wasting your time.
Just be yourselves.....nothing worse than being someone else for many years to come...to find out she just cheated on your with that bartender. Let her know exactly who's she's with on the 1st date...well maybe the 2nd and 3rd..if you make it that far. Just dont change...change sucks, and why should you have to change just to win someone over.....if shes doesn't like it...let her waste her life with a a loser.
I dont qualify in the "geek" status..more along lines of badboy/w.geek qualities...but I dont change for nobody but my kids. As I've gotten older...my little geekness comes out slowly..and its enjoyable. Plus keeps me out of trouble nowadays. The wife doesnt care either...she can sleep better now that I'm becoming less what I used to be. And its cool to be geeky with my kids in public....what the hell do I care...I love them to much to care what a hottie thinkis...even tho I still get alot of looks, psst.."go get a geek girly girl..he'll treat ya better!" :)
I'm lookin' out for ya geeks....I always have. ;)
 

Gix

Diabloii.Net Member
Of course people here are going to support this because 75% of them are nerds. For all I know or care, nerds might be better lovers, but since when do they have the balls to approach a girl anyway?

-Gix
 
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