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Need some opinions on a subject....

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by g00tch, Mar 21, 2005.

  1. g00tch

    g00tch IncGamers Member

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    Need some opinions on a subject....

    Alright, here's my situation. Well, it's not really a situation, more of a topic of discussion between me and my girlfriend. I've been with her for a little over a month. She's without a doubt the best girl that I've ever met. From the first date it's been instant chemistry between us, which is so rare for me, and I can honestly say that I love her, and she knows it. I stay at her place probably 1-3 days out of the week. A lot of times on the weekends, and sometimes I bring my dress clothes for work and stay durring the week.

    Saturday night we went out with some friends of mine to watch some basketball at a bar. When we got back to her place and eventually went to bed, we were commenting on how nice it is to have someone next to you when your sleeping. Then she said that it would be great if I was there all the time, meaning that I move in with her. I asked her if she was serious, and she said yeah. I told her that I could see myself eventually moving in with her, but I don't know about right now.

    What do you guys think? Would it be good to move in so soon? I mean, this one's a keeper, and I know it. I've just been thinking about it a lot and thought I'd see what everyone else thinks.

    --g00tch
     
  2. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    If it is the one it will happen anyway, so why not sooner than later? From what you said she obviously feels the same way.

    But please dont blame me when it goes sour. :D
     
  3. Amra

    Amra IncGamers Member

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    How old are you and what is your previous history?
     
  4. g00tch

    g00tch IncGamers Member

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    I'm 21 (22 in 3 months) and I've had 1 prior serious relationship, and countless sour experiences :D
     
  5. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    Go for it man! It is one of those things you only experience when your young. Sowhat if it could be over in 3 month's, what if it is your chance for real happiness, you wouldnt want to miss out on that right?
     
  6. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    It's tempting to take things fast, expecially when things are going real good early on, but don't. Really, don't.

    "But what if..."

    Don't.

    Truth be told, after a while, people who live together piss each other off. You discover you might run out of things to talk about, or one or both of you might discover a really annoying habit that the other has, and that causes problems Especially after only a month, it really is a big risk, and could potentially damage if not ruin your relationship. If you take this fast, then it leads to taking everything else fast, and sooner rather than later, you both find you have nothing left to look foward to, so unless you have a really killer sex life, things get real stale and boring before you know it.
     
  7. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    Come on man! You are making him afraid. Sowhat if it doesnt work out, havent you ever been in a relationship that didnt work out? You have to try it before you know it.
     
  8. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    He's already in the relationship, so he's already trying it. That's not the issue. He says this one's a keeper, so the idea is to, in fact, keep her. Thus, moving in after only a month is a bad idea. He knows it too.
     
  9. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    At the moment i am close to celebrating my/our 5th anniversary, all this with a woman i knew 4 day's when we moved in togetter. As it happened we didnt even had sex before we moved in togetter. There's an amazing story here but i am sure that not alot of people here would believe it so i'll save it for later.

    But it is not about me, you seem to be sure that he knows it is a wrong thing, let's hear what gOOtch has to say about it.

    Edit: and do not forget that it was his girl that asked him to move in, if she is to be "a keeper" (kinda a sexist frase IMO :D ), than he will have to considder her feelings/wishes aswell, wich means moving in.
     
  10. Amra

    Amra IncGamers Member

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    Maybe wait a while and see how things go?

    Or not?
     
  11. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    I take it from his post that he doens't want to move in right away. That's what I got from it.
     
  12. cotton

    cotton IncGamers Member

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    Well said. You could easily screw up a good thing by moving too fast, even if both of you think its right. Still, saying "no" could screw it up just as badly. Tread carefully, my friend. Land mines abound...
     
  13. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    I see, i got the other impression from his post, that he does want to move in but just didnt knew if it was wise to do so.

    I would say that taking a risk once and a while can be very rewarding, if you get dissapointed you move on, simple. :)
     
  14. g00tch

    g00tch IncGamers Member

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    It's not like this is a topic that she's beating into the ground, and it's still something we have to talk a lot more about. Truthfully, I'm on the fence about the whole matter. I know that if I choose not to move in with her (yet), that she's not going to just end it right then and there. But you know how it is when everything just seems to fall into place. I think deep down I don't want to because I'm affraid it will ruin it. Plus, her apartment isn't that big and I've got a lot of **** :D :D
     
  15. DrunkCajun

    DrunkCajun Banned

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    I'm with GIR on this one. I'm engaged and not living with the girl, for crying out loud.

    Seriously though, you're young, and the relationship is young. You're both caught up in the moment, which is awesome, and it sounds like you two have a great chance to make this last. My suggestion is not to dive right in yet. Living with someone is a very different experience, and frankly I've had enough friends who I thought would be good roommates turn out to be complete nightmares to live with to know how that could go totally wrong.

    Take this as a statement from her that she's serious about the relationship and interested in more, and talk about it. It's a great way to open up more to one another, but I seriously would recommend at least taking it slow in terms of moving in. Talk about it now, and maybe decide that it might be a good idea at some point, but at the moment you want to wait. Tell her you want to wait a few months to think about it, as its a huge step, and you don't want to move so fast as to potentially mess things up in the relationship when you forget not to leave your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor every day for a week. If you two love each other, you'll have a long time to enjoy and share that love. Two months or even twelve aren't going to make that much of a difference if you two are already spending 3+ days of the week together. Trust me on this one.

    There are a lot of temptations with it, but here's the thing to remember--once you escalate the relationship to that point, its really hard to back off of it. You can say "I love you" all you want, but if something changes, its a lot easier to go your separate ways than if you also have to add a move, apartment search, and increased financial burden onto the decision.

    Finally, consider how you live on your own, and especially pre-this girl. Living with her, will you still be able to live your life the same way? Will you still be able to hang out independently with your guy friends, without her being around? Will you still be able to come home from work on those really exhausting days and sequester yourself in front of the TV for 6 hours if you feel like it, without anyone calling you a lazy bum? These seem like little things, but they certainly can add up, and when you put them into a situation such as yours, they're skirting disaster.

    Some people can do it, but I would say that it doesn't sound like its worth the risk, if you truly feel like this girl could potentially be someone you want to bring home to the parents. Better to go slow and do things right than rush into something and create new problems for yourself and your fledgling relationship.

    Just my $0.02 cents. To give you my background on this--I got engaged at 23 to a girl who was 22, just over a year ago. We were originally slated to be married this November, and in theory to be living together as of sometime between August of last year and Christmas, but have decided that since we're both young and just starting out, that it makes sense for us both to wait longer to more fully develop, and more to the point live independently for long enough to know how to do so before we throw ourselves completely into one another's lives. We're now talking about being married in November of 2006, and not really talking much about when we'll move in together, but it won't be any sooner than August this year, and quite possibly not until even later than that. We still spend anywhere from 1-4 nights a week together at one or the other of our places, and are absolutely head over heels for one another. Besides being a bit more expensive, living apart has had no negative impacts on our relationship, and in fact has likely had some positive ones (for instance, I'm learning what habits of mine trigger her pet peeves without having them completely drive her up the wall, since she always has the option of just not coming over. if she lived here, we'd have figured that out by fighting about it.).
     
  16. g00tch

    g00tch IncGamers Member

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    Cajun, you put a lot of stuff into perspective - as well as everyone else who's replied. Thanks guys. Like I said before, we're gonna talk about it a lot more. I'm leaning more towards the idea of waiting a couple (or 7) months before we go in together. Plus, I'd like for the next place that I live in to be a house, rather than keep renting. It would be cheaper and more convenient to live with her (a LOT closer to work), but I don't want to sacrafice a healthy relationship for convenience.
     
  17. MixedVariety

    MixedVariety Banned

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    Seems like you have your head on straight, G00tch. If it just doesn't feel right to push so fast, what's the hurry, right?

    Besides, there is a side benefit to be had here. Right now she is being impulsive, going with her feelings rather than her good sense. Later she will respect you even more if you hold off, and that will weigh heavily in her assessment of you as a permanent partner.

    Take it from an old man; one month isn't nearly enough to know for sure this is the one.
     
  18. MithrandirX

    MithrandirX IncGamers Member

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    One month is way to soon. If she's "the one" then your relationship will do just fine living separate. Wait a year or so and get a new place together, neither hers nor yours, but "our."
     
  19. dantose

    dantose IncGamers Member

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    Don't do it. After such a short time, even if you love her you still don't really know her. I see this ending badly.

    If you end up bound and determined to go through with this ill advised plan then keep your own place anyway or have her move in with you. That way when things go south you aren't scrambling for somewhere to stay.
     
  20. TurdFergusen

    TurdFergusen Banned

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