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More movie humor :) (long post)

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Gorny, Feb 20, 2004.

  1. Gorny

    Gorny Banned

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    More movie humor :) (long post)


    I found this one by accident :



    THUMBNAIL GUIDE TO ROTK


    Gandalf, Theoden, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli go to Isengard. There they find Merry and Pippin.

    Merry and Pippin - "Yo!"

    Pippin - "What's this shiny thing?"

    Gandalf - "Saruman is defeated. Let's go to Rohan!"

    Pippin - "what's that shiny thing?"

    Sauron - "RAAAARRRRR!"

    Pippin - "my head!"

    Gandalf - "Oh great, now we have to go to Gondor."

    Meanwhile, somewhere near Minas Morgul...

    Gollum - "Hee! I'm gonna trick them!"

    Sam - "I heard that!"

    Frodo - "Do I have to separate you two?"

    Back in Gondor:

    Gandalf - "Sauron is coming."

    Denethor - "Talk to the hand, grandpa."

    Pippin - "I'll be your servant, Denethor!"

    Denethor - "Whatever."

    Faramir - "Osgiliath is overrun."

    Denethor - "So go re-overrun it."

    Faramir - "But I'll die."

    Denethor - "Whatever."

    Gandalf - "Pippin, go play with fire."

    Pippin - "Okay!" (lights signals)

    Theoden - (sees signals) "Let's go kick ***! In three days or so, you know, whenever."

    Meanwhile, back in Rivendell

    Arwen - "I cry too beautifully to not be in this part of the film."

    Elrond - "Why are you back here?"

    Arwen - "I see dead people."

    Elrond - "Wrong movie. And that was your future son. Guess I'll have to reforge that damn sword and take it to Aragorn."

    Arwen - "I'll just languish here tragically, then."

    Elrond - "Whatever."

    Meanwhile, on a cliff near Cirith Ungol

    Gollum - "I'll frame Sam!"

    Sam - "I've been framed!"

    Frodo - "I'm separating you two!"

    Sam - (cries)

    Frodo - (looks manic and tortured)

    Meanwhile, back in Rohan

    Elrond - "Here's your damn sword. And by the way, Arwen is languishing tragically in Rivendell, so hurry up and kick
    the *** of evil, okay?"

    Aragorn - "How?"

    Elrond - "I see dead people."

    Aragorn - "Wrong movie."

    Elrond - "Just go talk to the Evil Dead and get an ***-kicking army that you will inexplicably let go before they get a
    chance to, oh, I don't know, KILL ALL OF SAURON'S MINIONS, or anything useful like that."

    Aragorn - "Okay."

    Eowyn - "Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

    Aragorn - "I'm not going to explain to you, because I am all mysterious and noble and stuff. By the way, I don't love you.
    Bye!"

    Eowyn - "Fine. I guess I'll run away and join the Rohirrim, then."

    Meanwhile, Back in Gondor

    Denethor - "My son is dead! My poor, dead son is dead!"

    Pippin - "He's still breathing."

    Denethor - "No he isn't."

    Pippin - "Yes he is."

    Denethor - "Isn't."

    Pippin - "Is."

    Gandalf - "Shut up and kill some Orcs, you losers!"

    Denethor - "I'm feeling chilly. Build me a bonfire!"

    Meanwhile, at Cirith Ungol

    Gollum - "Hee! I tricked you!"

    Frodo - (looks manic and tortured)

    Shelob - "RAR!"

    Frodo - EEK!

    Sam - (halfway down stairs, stops crying, decides to stab something instead, like Gollum)

    Shelob - (stabs Frodo)

    Frodo - (looks manic, tortured and then unconscious)

    Sam - "I need something to stab now that I've stopped crying!" (stabs Shelob)

    Shelob - "RAR?" (runs away)

    Sam - "Oh no, Mr. Frodo is dead!" (cries and hides)

    Orcs - "He's not dead, let's take him away and torture him!"

    Sam - (stops crying, starts thinking about stabbing orcs)

    Meanwhile, near Rohan

    Aragorn - "I see dead people!"

    Legolas - "Me too!"

    Gimli - "Me three!"

    Dead King - "That reference is so five years ago."

    Aragorn - "Fight for me, and I promise I won't actually keep you around to do any really heavy fighting, like against
    Sauron's big-*** army that's still in Mordor, or anything."

    Dead King - "You might be an idiot, but you do have a cool sword. Okay, let's go kick the *** of evil."

    Meanwhile, back in Rohan

    Eowyn - "I'm running away to join the Rohirrim! Wanna come?"

    Merry - "Sure!"

    Meanwhile, in Cirith Ungol

    Frodo - (wakes up, looks manic and tortured)

    Orcs and Uruk Hai - "Rarr! I'll kill you!" (kill each other)

    Sam - "I need something to stab now that I'm not crying!" (kills orcs)

    Frodo - "Sam, they got the Ring!"

    Sam - "Nah, here it is. Let's go throw it in the volcano."

    Frodo - (looks manic and tortured)

    Sam - (manages not to cry or stab Frodo)

    Meanwhile, Back in Gondor

    Pippin - "Gandalf! Denethor is setting himself on fire!"

    Gandalf - "So?"

    Pippin - "And Faramir, too!"

    Gandalf - (whacks Denethor with staff) "Bad Steward! No cookie!"

    Pippin - "I told you he wasn't dead!"

    Denethor - "Wah!" (throws self off of Minas Tirith)

    Aragorn and Army of Dead - "Rarr!"

    Witch King of Angmar - "Rarr!"

    Theoden -"oof!"

    Merry - "Rarr!"

    Eowyn - "Rarr!"

    Witch King of Angmar - "I'm mellllting! Mellllltiiiinnng!" (shrivels up and dies)

    Aragorn - (to Army of Dead) "You saved the day. You can go now."

    Gimli - "What about the REST of Sauron's army?"

    Aragorn - "I figure we'll just ride over to Mordor ourselves and get killed horribly."

    Everyone - "Okay!"

    Meanwhile, over at Mt. Doom

    Frodo - (looks manic and tortured, passes out)

    Sam - "Oh great, now I have to carry his aristocratic *** up this sheer rock cliff. Why do I have to carry EVERYTHING
    in this stupid movie?" (picks up Frodo)

    Gollum - "Surprise!"

    Sam - "Ow!"

    Frodo - (runs)

    Sam - "I'm gonna stab somebody before this is over!"

    Frodo - "Screw you guys, the ring is mine!" (looks extremely manic, disappears)

    Gollum - (bites Frodo)

    Sam - (can't decide whether to cry or stab something)

    Gollum - "I got the Precious! Neener, neener, oops!" (falls into lava)

    Meanwhile, back at the Black Gate

    Aragorn - "Whooee, that's a lotta army in there! Maybe I shoulda kept those dead guys around."

    Everyone - "Ya THINK?"

    Mt. Doom - Blammo!

    Everyone - "Yay! I mean, oh no! Poor Frodo! But still, yay! Damn."

    Meanwhile, on Mt. Doom

    Sam - (cries)

    Frodo - "Hey! I'm the one who got his finger BITTEN OFF! Why are you crying?"

    Sam - "You better hope I keep crying, 'cause when I stop I'm gonna want to stab something, and you're the only living
    thing around here for miles."

    Frodo - "Except those giant eagles over there."

    Sam - "Great. Where were they 6 months ago? Bastards."

    Later -

    Aragorn - "Well, we didn't all die, so I'm gonna get married and be King!

    Sam - "And I'm gonna get married and be Mayor of the Shire!"

    Frodo - "And I'm gonna sail into the West with Gandalf, Bilbo and the elves!"

    Sam - (sighs) "But first, I'm gonna have to cry some more and not stab anything."

    Merry and Pippin - "And we're gonna smoke some pipeweed!

    Everyone - "Yay!"

    The End
     
  2. SomeCanadianGuy

    SomeCanadianGuy IncGamers Member

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    Well that was interesting. Kinda like condensed soup, lacking in some of the real flavor. :p But I liked it. Pokes good fun at the storyline.
     
  3. MinasMorgul

    MinasMorgul IncGamers Member

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    Now that was entertaining. :lol: !!! have you read the very secret daries of the LOTR characters yet??
     
  4. asdf

    asdf IncGamers Member

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    you know what? even so condensed it's still pretty long... hahaha
     
  5. Gorny

    Gorny Banned

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    Not sure I want to ...? :scratch:
     
  6. Amra

    Amra IncGamers Member

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    heh.... I see dead people.....
     
  7. MinasMorgul

    MinasMorgul IncGamers Member

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    Trust me... they are really funny. they are a Parody of the Trip in the LOTR end at TTT i think.. Check em out
     
  8. th5418

    th5418 Banned

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    Lmao. Good read.
     
  9. FoodPoisoning

    FoodPoisoning Banned

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    I might have thought it funny before I started writing comedy pieces... :(
     
  10. Killfrenzy

    Killfrenzy IncGamers Member

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    teehee Sam's stab-happy
     

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