I've recently been feeling very depressed, and I need to let it out

[Espr]

I've been wracking my brain periodically the last couple days on the right words to share with you here, Daz. Having been in similar situations in the past, when someone mentions feelings such as you have been having within my range of perception, I always feel as though I should have some powerful bit of wisdom to drop on them, having survived something similar. But really... all I've got is those platitudes I was sick of hearing when I felt the same. Even if they can end up being true.

But like Uglyfred shared with their story, it can and does get better, and the single most important steps in making that happen are in your power/control. Choosing to speak out. Choosing to seek aid. Choosing to do something about it, whatever you can, however you can. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

I don't know how helpful it will be for you, but something I struggled with, but ultimately found helpful was: focus on today. Get through today, and find someway to make today better. Don't worry so much about the upcoming week, or month, and just take it a day at a time.

 

[Dazliare]

Hey all, I just wanted to drop by and say thanks for all the kind words. I went to the ER last Wednesday. I didn't attempt, but got really close, and my roommates caught onto it and took me. The ER transferred me to a psychiatric hospital, where I stayed the last 7 days. I'm home "safe" now. I put safe in quotes because I really don't have any way of ending it all, so physically I'm safe, but mentally I'm still struggling a lot. I have an appointment with a therapist saturday, and I'm hoping that gives me some leads to go off of.

Thanks all

 

[Drystan]

That doesn't sound too good, but glad you're ok.

What specifically is your job, if you don't mind my asking? And specific duties that are getting you bored. Maybe search for another job as well, if you really feel you aren't getting enough stimulation from it.
Have you been looking for something that challenges you more? What are your plans for today/tonight, or what might you like to do? Any interests at all.

 

[Dazliare]

Basically I sell flow sensors to big oil companies in the Houston, TX area. It's just a lot of repetition. Honestly, the week in the hospital was a really good thing. They diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and general anxiety, where I get in these moods of complete and total hopelessness, then start to get really anxious about it. Before 3 weeks ago, I liked my job, and my life.

Today, I played some PoE with my brother and roommate, then went to the climbing gym with the roommate. I'm feeling pretty good, though a little anxious about the next few days. I have an antidepressent and anti-anxiety medication, and I take melatonin to make sure my sleep is consistent, so things are looking mostly positive right now.

 

[Ariadne]

I'm glad to hear it. Hope the therapy helps somewhat and that you will feel better.

 

[GooberGrape]

You have good roommates. :thumbup:

 

[Jcakes]

Basically I sell flow sensors to big oil companies in the Houston, TX area. It's just a lot of repetition. Honestly, the week in the hospital was a really good thing. They diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and general anxiety, where I get in these moods of complete and total hopelessness, then start to get really anxious about it. Before 3 weeks ago, I liked my job, and my life.

Today, I played some PoE with my brother and roommate, then went to the climbing gym with the roommate. I'm feeling pretty good, though a little anxious about the next few days. I have an antidepressent and anti-anxiety medication, and I take melatonin to make sure my sleep is consistent, so things are looking mostly positive right now.

Orifice Plate flow meters or something more specialised?

I am a process engineer in the Oil and Gas industry (in Aus).

 

[Dazliare]

Orifice Plate flow meters or something more specialised?

I am a process engineer in the Oil and Gas industry (in Aus).

Coriolis, specifically Micro Motion

 

[Kitteh]

Sorry for the late reply, but I had been kind of unsure about replying. So I'll do so by PM soon, all the best.

 

[Goldtru]

Daz, I'm so sorry. Keep talking to us on here. You're not alone and the people here are wonderful, I know from my own bad stuff. Hang in there even if you have to take it minute by minute. If you can pray, do. Seek out things that make you laugh no matter how silly they are.

And do keep us posted and keep talking. .

 

[Mungojerry]

Damn. sounds pretty serious, dude. Was gonna suggest you go rock climb since when I found it, it became one of the main reasons I got up in the morning and bothered with trying to establish a career - to get more time in for climbing! But since you alreay have tried this, something else must happen. From readig your comments over a long period of time (I lurk a lot) I feel I can relate to you somehow. I too seeked out SPForumites for advice. I even did the exact same thing with Diablo 2 - finding LK and perfecting it! Faster and faster! Then at one point the question arise. You don't want to hear it. But inside of you, the question stirs. It changes everything.

I was really depressed a few years ago. For me, now on the "other side" of the whole ordeal, it was that I made up this whole world in my mind that really didn't have to be that way. I set a prison for myself. The noxious thing about depressions is that you start to believe in your own poisoned thoughts - they reinforce themselves. And one thing I think related to it was that I was afraid of not really knowing where I had myself, on any level. My thoughts/feelings went something like: "I can't really "be myself" around people anymore.. what is that anyway? These social codes and cues. What's my place in it? Does it matter? It's almost deterministic. Why am I just sitting here thinking this? I can't connect to people anymore. Not even myself." etc etc. It was like balancing on an object I couldn't really look at or feel, I didn't know it's shape or form. Any second I would fall. This was in similiar RL-conditions to what I imagine you are going through.

I know now how to handle myself better. I have had some relapses. Last time was the same situation with the worklife/personal life you describe now: Wait for weekend to roll around, feel alive a day or two but in the back of your head it lurks. Monday comes around and you start over again. What's the point if even in my spare time I struggle to find joy. It was really hard for a month or two but this time around I could keep my distance to it.

I think this is crucial. Mentally & in the short run - don't take your thoughts and feelings too seriously. And don't engage them with too much emotional investment. In the longer run you should defenitely aim to change something. Get some distance to yourself, perspective on your situation and your thought process.

Good luck!

Ps: Have you watched Trailer Park Boys? Some uplifting stuff.

 

[Rhoxa]

I signed up for this forum (lurker for years) because this post really resonated with me. I'm in a very similar situation, fellow engineer, job is the most unfulfilling thing I've ever done, depression, etc. I want you to know that not all jobs are this bad. My current job is also miserable, I'll be lucky to get 8 hours of work in a month, and the work I do get is "sit in this meeting" or "copy and paste this report."

Just know that not all jobs are like this. My first job was an amazing experience. I did circuit design for about a year. I had a lab, a company credit card, and my own projects. I was surrounded by brilliant engineers. Every day was solving new problems and I learned more in my first 6 months there than all 4 years of college. I really had fun. Sadly they moved everything to Singapore, but these jobs do exist.

For now, you need to take 100% advantage of your jobs freetime! Don't let the weeks and months slip by. You have a huge opportunity here. Spend your time building skills for the job you want. I've spent lots of time learning the basics of mutiple programming languages, reading text books, and watching eevblog on youtube. I've automated a lot of my work with fancy excel programming. I've planned projects (3d printer, quad copter) and done them at home. Just having those things on my resume got me interviews. I've even come up with a few small business ideas that I've been working on. All this freetime is giving me more time to really discover myself, and I've learned I ABSOLUTELY HATE OFFICES and I need to get out. I have drive again. Even its its totally foolish and I'll stay in offices, it keeps me motivated.

Our whole life we've been raised with strict goals, rules, progression, and grading. Getting a job sticks you in an uncomfortable feeling situation, but really you've got more freedom than ever and that can be crippling. Set some goals up for yourself and really, honestly, hold yourself to them. Take some risks! Now is the time. Think about your perfect situation. Right now, you need to be acting like that is a real possibility and you can get there. Take the steps you need to make that real!

I hope this helps. It honestly makes me feel better typing it out. Although it sounds a lot more grand in writing than it feels in my head.

 

[Dazliare]

Hi Rhoxa, thanks for sharing your story. I identify with a lot of what you're saying, though my job doesn't sound nearly as bad as that. Honestly, that sounds completely miserable. My issues aren't really caused by my job persay - it's more that I have enough free time at work to sort of brood over things, and I started to realize I've been really lacking meaning in my life. I've also talked to several people at my job, and I guess it's a pretty common thing for people here, though most people don't have the depression making it 10 times worse. Mine really hit hard when I was climbing one day and just realized that I was having all of no fun, which is completely not me. I friggin love climbing.

Since coming back to work, I've talked to my boss about what's been going on, and she's been very receptive to it, giving me more responsibility, and higher exposure work to do, which has been really cool. I'm working on a huge project in Australia right now, and things are starting to look a little better. I still have depressive episodes, where nothing is fun and there is no happiness anymore, but I'm working on it.

All that to say, thanks everyone The people here and in my life are what really matter to me.

 

[nulio]

Good luck Daz. Looking forward to hear good news.

 

[Espr]

Glad to hear you're getting support through work as well!