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Is there a fine line...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by [exile], Mar 30, 2005.

  1. [exile]

    [exile] IncGamers Member

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    Is there a fine line...

    between real love and superficial love?

    I've known this girl since we were kids... without really knowing her. I mean, I've known who she is and seen her every week since I was... what, 5 or 6 maybe? And yet I don't think I ever said a word to her until a year ago or so when I realized.. that she's absolutely gorgeous. Which, I'm afraid, was a big factor in getting me to start talking to her.

    So by now we're kind of mild friends, and soon I realize that she's pretty much as badly scarred from previous relationships as me. And right when I'm about ready to get up the nerve and ask her out, I happen to browse this web page she has and find out she's just started dating someone else.

    Now, normally, I'm the kind of guy who likes to date people who I know pretty well and have developed a really good relationship with already, and breakups aren't much of a problem for me since they've all been mutual agreements, nothing particularly painful or destructive to the original relationship. But this girl... I don't really even know her aside from a few casual conversations and I'm absolutely captivated.

    I'm worried that maybe the only reason why I've been interested in her is because she's beautiful. I nearly had a relationship with another girl but.. ended up not taking that opportunity because of this girl. And now that I know she's taken... I can't stop thinking about her, and how dumb I was to have waited this long.

    Is the fact that, unlike every other relationship I've had, I'm interested in this girl without really knowing her, evidence that I've become a superficial jackass? I kind of figured that the fact that I'm dwelling on it so much and losing sleep over it is evidence otherwise. But I guess we all like to think that we're not superficial, right?

    And now I don't know if I should just completely give up on her and try to find someone else. But finding valuable relationships seems to be a problem for me. Trying to take her away from the other guy would be wrong, right? Especially considering that he knows her... extremely well? And I don't think their relationship is ending anytime soon. Heck, getting her off the reboud feels wrong anyways.

    I guess I'm just looking for advice and opinions on relationships in general. I've read some of the replied to the "Do you date friends" thread but I guess it didn't really answer my questions. I mean... I think I'm asking whether it's possible to build a good relationship with someone who I know very little about. Or whether or not I stand a chance with this girl who, as far as I know, only recognizes me as the guy she sees every week.

    Any constructive advice would be appreciated. I couldn't go to friends because most of them would ridicule me for even mentioning the concept of "love." And the only other person with whom I could have discussed this... well, she may have a thing for me and I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible.

    Well, sorry about the long post then. Please help me out... I can't sleep. I just stare at my ceiling for hours on end.
     
  2. Phantom_Man

    Phantom_Man IncGamers Member

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    It's quite possible for a good relationship with someone you know little of, but by doing that it's pure chance thaty you are compatible. You might try getting to know her better before you do take the jump; maybe find out if she's an alien, or has a male reproductive organ.
     
  3. [exile]

    [exile] IncGamers Member

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    I'm pretty sure I know enough about her to answer your two doubts :lol:

    It's the question about having to know someone's personality that sort of confuses me. I've had no experience with this type of "random" relationship, my past ones all kind of developed from a friendship and I knew pretty well that they would develop into something a little more serious.
     
  4. azn_apocalypse

    azn_apocalypse IncGamers Member

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    Sounds like infatuation to me, rather than a real connection.

    I would try getting to know the girl better (her personality and stuff) before you make a decision on whether you truly are interested in her. Who knows, she may have a personality flaw you did not even know about before. Us men are dumb, and a pretty face can make us do a lot of stupid things...
     
  5. cyclotronic

    cyclotronic IncGamers Member

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    Get to know her better, its the only way to truely know if you want to go out with her, makes the whole process so much smoother in my opinion.
     
  6. Namyeknom

    Namyeknom IncGamers Member

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    Ahh, love, easiest word to say, hardest word to mean.

    Don't do it. Lifes a cruel task master, beauty can only take a relationship so far, and most beautiful girls are heartless, soul destroying, witches underneath (slight generalisation I admit, but I apologies to no one...).

    Take up Narcissism instead. You never break up, never argue, and you don't have to waste money on Valentines Day...
     
  7. nosoup4crr

    nosoup4crr IncGamers Member

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    I support the replies earlier stating that you should get to know the girl better. There's a psychological term called the halo effect that tends to affect our better judgement, sometimes. It states that when noticing something attractive about a person(in this case, her appearance) it affects the way you view her other qualities. Because of this, you might consider her great girlfriend material despite her lesser qualities. It's the complicated way of saying, as one other poster did, that it's infatuation. Have you become a shallow bastard? I don't think so, but others might contend otherwise. Our primal instincts judge the personal appearance of possible mates for very specific reasons. Whether you're attracted to her for her clear, healthy skin or her child-bearing hips, evolution has bread into you what is attractive. Most everyone is a slave to these instincts.
     
  8. Moosashi

    Moosashi IncGamers Member

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    Dating her isa way to get know her better. Going on a date with her doesn't force you into a committed relationship. It's a way to find out if the two of you are compatible. If you try to get to know her well by being her "friend" without making your romantic interests known, then you run into the problem you have now: she's taken. And that's not the end of the world. If she's just dating the other guy and it's not very serious, you still have a chance. Maybe she got tired of waiting for you. Don't let her know that you know she's dating someone else. Ask her out to dinner, or coffee or some type of thing where you can have a personal conversation. If she accepts, great, you have a chance to make a good impression and maybe she'll like you better than the other guy. If she declines, then theres not much you can do but move on, but you won't be any worse off than you are now.
     
  9. MixedVariety

    MixedVariety Banned

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    What can I say? We've all felt this way before. You can let your heart lead you, or try to let your brain take charge.

    Right now she's going to start seeing someone else, eh? A stumbling block right there.

    Your options:
    1. Ask her out even though she's seeing someone else.
    2. Stare at the ceiling some more.
    3. Move on, move on.

    I vote try option 1 first, and that will at least direct you to your next move, which will likely be option 3. Option 2 is a dead end with no closure; unfortunately it's the easiest one to pick because being lazy is human.
    Good luck.
     
  10. PublicEnemy

    PublicEnemy IncGamers Member

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    There's a big difference between real love and superficial love.
    Real love is spiritual love.
    For instance real love is loving one's mother/father.
    Superficial love is loving someone because of physical attraction.This love will cease when beauty fades..and I wouldn't cling to it because this kind of love wouldn't make me happy at all.
     

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