Is pornography more harmful both to yourself and your partner, than beneficial?

raffster

Diabloii.Net Member
Is pornography more harmful both to yourself and your partner, than beneficial?

I was originally contemplating to make this a poll but I felt that everybody's view of pornography is extremely personal so trying to squeeze in the possible choices would be very limiting.

I used to be a firm believer that pornography was beneficial provided that it benefited both parties. But after realizing what I did during this time I am spending apart from my wife, I am deeply convinced that pornography is destructive because its feeds on selfishness and satisfies lust. That no matter how much one tries to make an excuse that pornography is okay and if it's ever harmful, it only harms the person engaged in it. After many years of being addicted to pornography I finally embraced my addiction and let it go. It is very difficult but with spiritual strength it is possible.

Your thoughts on this?

PS: Please make this a mature discussion. The nature of this thread requires replies that will not make you look like an ID 10 T, please.
 

grimreaperofsouls

Diabloii.Net Member
You are a better man than I, for every man and i'm pretty sure women, all lust to see the opposite sex unclothed. I believe that it is harmful in ways that should not be discussed on this forum, however i will say this, pornography is such a powerful stimulant that when you look at it, you don't care about many other things, it creates fantasies about what love really is and is one of many things that can destroy a beautiful thing like having intercourse with one's life partner. I am trying to break my habit because it can only destroy, not create.
 

Cannon Fodder

Diabloii.Net Member
I think of pornography the way I think of many things seen as detrimental. It is potentially harmful. I see it as a very personal thing also, and for me therein lies the rub. It is an individual's view of pornography and mental state that determines the effect it will have on them. For someone who can approach it from the right angle, I think it is a perfectly healthy thing. Unfortunately, many people do not approach it from that angle or are unable to.

I'm trying to think of something comparable, and gambling comes to mind. Gambling in itself is not a bad thing. However, addiction to it or allowing it to control/effect your life is. Someone playing the lottery for fun every once in a while is not negatively effected. Someone losing their life savings in a casino is. For me, that doesn't make the activity wrong or bad, just potentially harmful. It requires a certain angle of approach to be a positive or neutral influence on someone's life.

Just because pornography satisfies lust or feeds into selfishness does not mean that it creates either one. Sex itself satisfies lust, and that simply means that some sex may be inadvisable as a result, but not all sex. A selfish or lustful person will fulfill those impulses in their lives in some way, be it through pornography or elsewhere. Whether or not it actually is pornography is immaterial. How pornography works for you is a purely individual thing, and while it may be bad for an individual at a certain time in their lives or always, that does not mean that it is bad for all individuals.
 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
I don't think there's anything intrinsically harmful about it. Anything if done obsessively can be bad (or not; obsession isn't necessarily bad, it's all subjective). Of course if you're doing it and your partner doesn't want you to then you have to have some serious discussion; same as with anything.

I don't see why "satisfying lust" is "destructive". Or even behaving selfishly.
 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Gambling is a lot worse than pornography, porn doesn't cost anything. Unless you're an idiot...
 
My ex-husbands porn cost him plenty. He always made sure he had enough cash left over for his drug du jour, but I can't even begin to imagine how much all of his videos and magazines cost. He had it hidden every where and any where he could think of.
Yes, I believe porn can be hazardous to a relationship. I think it depends on how porn is viewed within the relationship though.
As I said, my ex hid his. Any moment I happen to be out of the house he was getting stoned and getting off. I even woke up early one Sunday morning to find him masturbating on the living room floor while watching a video. It wasn't a pretty sight. He took his activities a bit further though. I didn't find out until recently that he frequented prostitutes while married to his first wife (I was the 2nd), His obsession with it was a huge problem for me. Here I was 19, tight skinny little body, willing to do just about anything to please her new husband in anyway I could. . .and he chose porn over me. And when I say he chose it over me, I mean instead of me. We would go for weeks with out sex because he was getting what he needed out of his other outlets. I didn't understand it then, don't understand it now. It had always been my experience that men would prefer a living, breathing, moving (and whatnot) girl over artificial means, but apparently not him.
 

Xenon[XoA]

Banned
As long as it's not uhm.. embracing a weirdass deviant fetish, i dont see how it'd be harmful. Furries ftL. Lolipedo's, and tentacles ftl too. If its addiction, you can become addicted to pretty much anything - so that within itself wouldn't be such a solid reason to advocate against it.

Unless it's a frequency issue. Sore #11 wouldn't be any good for either you or your partner =/
 

raffster

Diabloii.Net Member
HockeyChic said:
My ex-husbands porn cost him plenty. He always made sure he had enough cash left over for his drug du jour, but I can't even begin to imagine how much all of his videos and magazines cost. He had it hidden every where and any where he could think of.
Yes, I believe porn can be hazardous to a relationship. I think it depends on how porn is viewed within the relationship though.
As I said, my ex hid his. Any moment I happen to be out of the house he was getting stoned and getting off. I even woke up early one Sunday morning to find him masturbating on the living room floor while watching a video. It wasn't a pretty sight. He took his activities a bit further though. I didn't find out until recently that he frequented prostitutes while married to his first wife (I was the 2nd), His obsession with it was a huge problem for me. Here I was 19, tight skinny little body, willing to do just about anything to please her new husband in anyway I could. . .and he chose porn over me. And when I say he chose it over me, I mean instead of me. We would go for weeks with out sex because he was getting what he needed out of his other outlets. I didn't understand it then, don't understand it now. It had always been my experience that men would prefer a living, breathing, moving (and whatnot) girl over artificial means, but apparently not him.
Sorry to hear that, hockeychic. When my wife finally opened up about what she thought of my addiction to porn, it was ugly. I felt the pain she felt and it cut right through my soul.

I recently read a very powerfuly written book on pornography called "The Silent War" written by Henry J. Rogers. I'm sure you probably don't care about your ex anymore after what you've been through but if he's really a sex addict, perhaps it is advisable that you buy this book for him.

Just a point of clarification for those who have said that pornography is okay as long as it is taken in moderation. How can there be moderation for lust and selfishness? I don't mean to start a flame war here but really, how can things that are intrinsically destructive be regarded as okay for as long as they're done in moderation?

I also don't think that pornography can be likened to gambling. Go to a casino play a few rounds and lose some money (moderate) is it equal to buy a Playboy magazine and masturbate (and hopefully not get caught) by your partner?
 

Isolde212

Banned
Porn...I think everyone I know has divulged in this dirty little habit. I have but more out of intrigue than anything else. It doesn't really bother me at the moment. If it became a thing that came into my relationship in a negative way, I would probably address it. I can't imagine what it would be like to be set aside over something that you can't touch or feel. I think it would make me very insecure and feel like I wasn't what was originally wanted.
I guess the closest thing I ever felt to that was when Annie and I first got together. He had a bad habit of checking other girls out which I really didn't have a problem with. He's a man and he has eyes and well it's natural. It bothered me what he was looking at. It was always teeny tiny petite women with blonde hair and big boobs. It always made me feel like that was his "ideal" woman and like that was what he really wanted me to look like. Now we have a deal. If he's gonna check out girls he checks them all out not just the barbies. I guess if I would feel the same way if he was watching the same thing in a porn all the time. Is that what you want me to do? You want a pornstar? Am I not good enough? I guess I see how that could be destructive.
 

Stompwampa

Diabloii.Net Member
I posted this site link in a different thread. Yes, the site attacks pornoagraphy from a Christian standpoint, but here are a bunch of facts, that are not religiously slanted.
www.xxxchurch.com said:
* [The Porn Industry] Generates approximately $1 billion annually with growth projections to $5-7 billion over the next 5 years, barring unforeseen change (NRC Report 2002)

* 74% of adult commercial sites display free teaser porn images on homepage (Child-proofing on the World Wide Web: A survey of adult web servers 2001, (NRC Report 2002)

* 345% increase in child pornography sites between 2/2001-7/2001 (N2H2, 8/01)

* 25 million Americans visit cybersex sites between 1-10 hours per week (MSNBC Survey 2000)

* The U.S. Customs Service estimates that there are more than 100,000 websites offering child pornography - which is illegal, worldwide (Red Herring Magazine, 1/18/02)

* 9 in 10 kids 8-16 yrs. have viewed porn online, mostly accidentally while doing homework (UK News Telegraph, NOP Research Group, 1/07/02)

* Study of 4 million children aged 7-17 who surf the net, 29% would freely give out their home address and 14% would freely give out their email address if asked (NOP Research Group, 2002)

* Adult industry says some traffic is 20-30% children (NRC Report, 2002)

* 26 popular children's characters, such as Pokemon, My Little Pony and Action Man, revealed thousands of links to porn sites. 30% were hard-core. (Envisional 2000)

* 89% of sexual solicitations of youth were made in either chat rooms or Instant Messages (Pew Study reported in JAMA, 2001)

* 1 in 5 youths received sexual solicitation or approach in last year (NCMEC, 2000)

* According to the Justice Department, in 1998 there were 28,000 X-rated websites, generating $925 million in revenue. Now, only three years later, there are 280,000 X- rated websites, generating over $10-20 billion in revenue (The Wall Street Journal 26 Nov. 2001).

* 30% of all unsolicited emails contain pornographic information (Choose Your Mail.com study, October, 1999).

* 53% of teens have encountered offensive web sites that include pornography, hate or violence. Of these, 91% unintentionally found the offensive sites while searching the Web (Yankelovich Partner survey, The Safe America Foundation; Sept. 30, 1999).

* 62% of parents of teenagers are unaware that their children have accessed objectionable websites (Yankelovich Partners study, Sept. 30, 1999).

* 60% of all web-site visits are sexual in nature (MSNBC /Stanford/Duquesne study, Washington Times Jan. 26, 2000).

* According to Christianity Today the percentage of pastors who visited a porn site. 57% Never, 21% A few times a year, 9% Once in past year, 7% More than a year ago, and 6% Couple times a month or more.

* At least 200,000 Internet users are hooked on porn sites, X-rated chat rooms or other sexual materials online (MSNBC/Stanford/Duquesne Study, Associated Press [Online], Feb. 29, 2000).

* 51% of pastors admit that looking at internet pornography is their biggest temptation. (Christianity Today, December 2002)

* According to a U.S. News and World Report article, the porn industry recently took in more than $8 billion in one year. More than all revenues generated by rock and country music, more than America spent on Broadway productions, theater, ballet, jazz and classical music combined.

* Estimates for the number of X-rated sites on the net range from 20,000 to 7 million (CNET.com, April 28, 1999).

* Forrester Research found that porn web-sites earned $1 billion in 1998 and will earn $1.5 billion in 1999.

* Every day, up to 30 million people log on to pornographic web-sites (CNET.com, April 28, 1999).

* Pornographers 'disguise' their sites with common brand names and misspellings designed to "entrap" people. Examples: ESPN, Disney, and White House (Surveillance study, March 1999).

* 51% of pastors say Internet pornography is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle and 4 out of 10 pastors have visited a porn web-site (Christianity Today, Dec 2001).

* A recent study (March 2000) shows 1 in 5 adults or 20% (which is nearly 40 million people), have visited a sexually oriented web site.

* The research company Relevant Knowledge found that in 1998, 9.6 million users (about 15 percent Web users) logged on to the 10 most popular cybersex sites during the month of April alone.

* Americans spend an estimated $8-10 billion annually on pornography. This exceeds the combined gross of ABC, CBS, and NBC, which is $6.2 billion.

* The average age at which men first see Playboy or a similar magazine is 11.

* A porn film can be made for $20,000-$125,000 and can make up to $2 million in profit from retail sales.

* Laboratory studies have showed that viewing violent pornographic films can increase aggression against women.

* A 1985 study of 256 non-incarcerated perpetrators of sexual offenses who were undergoing treatment showed that 56% of rapists and 42% of women said someone they knew that was into pornography had sexually abused them.

* A 1986 Women's Day survey of 6,000 readers found that 21% of women that were sexually abused knew the person who abused them was heavily into pornography.

* It is believed that 70% of women involved in pornography are survivors of incest or child sexual abuse.

* Nearly 900 theaters show X-rated films and more than 15,000 adult bookstores and video stores offer pornographic material, outnumbering McDonald's restaurants in the U.S. by a margin of at least 3 to 1.

* Each year, nearly 100 full-length pornographic films provide estimated annual box office sales of $50 million.

* Early sexual intercourse among American adolescents represents a major public health problem. According to the most recent data, 61% of all high school seniors have had sexual intercourse, about half are currently sexually active, and 21% have had 4 or more partners. (American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) statement, January 2001)

* Approximately one fourth of sexually active adolescents become infected with an STD each year, accounting for 3 million cases, and people under the age of 25 account for two thirds of all STDs in the United States. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* Although early sexual activity may be caused by a variety of factors, the media are believed to play a significant role. The media also represent the most easily remediable influence on young people and their sexual attitudes and behaviors. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* Adolescents have ranked the media second only to school sex education programs as a leading source of information about sex. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* The average American adolescent will view nearly 14 000 sexual references per year, yet only 165 of these references deal with birth control, self-control, abstinence, or the risk of pregnancy or STDs. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* In one content analysis, 75% of concept videos (videos that tell a story) involved sexual imagery, and more than half involved violence, usually against women. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* Research also shows that heavy exposure to media sex is associated with an increased perception of the frequency of sexual activity in the real world. As a result, television may function as a kind of "super-peer," normalizing these behaviors and, thus, encouraging them among teenagers. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* One recent study found that a child exploring the Internet may be trapped in an adult site by a new marketing technique that disables options such as the "back," "exit," or "close" navigation buttons. (AAP statement, January 2001)

* In fiscal year 1998, the FBI opened up roughly 700 cases dealing with online pedophilia, most of them for posting child pornography, and about a quarter dealing with online predators trying to get children under 18 to meet with them. By 2000 that figure had quadrupled to 2,856 cases. ("The Web's Dark Secret" Newsweek. 3/19/01)

* An estimated 325,000 U.S. children age 17 or younger are prostitutes, performers in pornographic videos or have otherwise fallen victim to "commercial sexual exploitation," University of Pennsylvania researchers will report today. (Memmott, Mark. "Sex Trade may lure 325,000 U.S. Kids; Report: Abused children, runaways typical victims." USA TODAY. 9/10/01)

* Based on interviews with a nationally representative sample of 1,501 youth ages 10 to 17 who use the Internet regularly, approximately one in five received a sexual solicitation or approach over the Internet in the last year. One in thirty-three received an aggressive sexual solicitation- a solicitor who asked to meet them somewhere; called them on the telephone; sent them regular mail, money or gifts. One in four had an unwanted exposure to pictures of naked people or people having sex in the last year. ("Report Statistical Highlights." from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Crimes Against Children Research Center and Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. 6/00)

* "The Industry Standard reports that 70% of porn traffic occurs between 9 and 5, and people in the Eastern time zone account for the largest number of porn-site hits-30.3%." (Retzlaff, Eric. "Pornography's Grip Tightens by Way of Internet." National Catholic Register. 6/13-6/19/00)

* According to NetValue, children spent 64.9 percent more time on pornography sites than they did on game sites in September 2000. Over one quarter (27.5%) of children age 17 and under visited an adult web site, which represents 3 million unique underage visitors. Of these minors, 21.2 percent were 14 or younger and 40.2 percent were female. ("The NetValue Report on Minors Online..." Business Wire. (taken from study by NetValue, Internet activity measurement service) December 19, 2000)

* "The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity estimated that 6%-8% of Americans are sex addicts, which is 16 million-21.5 million people." (Cooper, Alvin, Dana E. Putnam, Lynn A. Planchon, and Sylvain C. Boies. "Online Sexual Compulsivity: Getting Tangled in the Net." Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 6:79-104. (Taken from Amparano, J. "Sex addicts get help." The Arizona Republic, p. A1. 1999)

* "A recent study by researchers at Stanford and Duquesne universities claims at least 200,000 Americans are hopelessly addicted to E-porn." (Koerner, Brendan I. "A lust for profits." U.S. News online. www.usnew.com/usnews/issue/000327/eporn.htm. 3/27/00)
 

Stompwampa

Diabloii.Net Member
PatMaGroin said:
You should never have to ask someone with the handle 'PatMaGroin' if he is kidding.

Agreed.

*can't think of another stupid witty question*


umm...

Jesus loves you! :thumbsup:
 

mhl12

Diabloii.Net Member
i think with these days, most people (especially teens) have looked at porn willingly at least once. It's kinda like an unspoken rule to either not to talk about it or just to joke about it. I know this girl (who I happen to like) who suddenly decided to talk about pornography more openly. And then this summer, she decided to close her gmail account because so much adult content spam was passing the spam filters into her inbox (now out of the years i have had gmail, i have yet to see a single spam email reach my inbox)

I personally dont think that pornography is beneficial when you're in a healthy relationship with a girl/boyfriend. It's breaking a trust. But I don't think that pornography in teenagers' lives will change anytime soon because no one seems to want to talk about it seriously.
 
Top