If your girlfriend or wife is growing out of her size ifra

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ChibayibablibaSLAYRULZ

Diabloii.Net Member
I love her

I love my gf with all my heart, i couldnt bring myself to cheat on her if she was 200 pounds(shes only 100=) ) so about the whole "Love and weight" thing, if you're a real man, its not a problem to you, only weak men cant handle a bigger woman anyway lol :lol:
 

Isolde212

Banned
I commend the men here who are willing to accept girls who are larger than the media portrays as the female standard. I have an athletic build. I am by no means skinny but I am by no means overwieght or fat. I am fit and healthy but according to the media I would be deemed a large girl. That's crap. I am perfectly proportioned and stand 5'5. With my muscle mass and bone structure if I weighed less than 125-130 lbs I would look anorexic. I personally don't think you should be able to see someone's ribs (unless they have an extremely high metabolism or otherwise can't help it).

Maybe it's because I am a girl or maybe it's just me but I don't look at a man based on size alone whereas I find men do. I have dated skinny, short, tall, fit and unfit men. I find men to be more judgemental where size is concerned. Now I do realize that a man is more visually stimulated then women are.
Also I find that it's more acceptable for a man to put on weight then it is for a female. You see so many men out there with a pot belly standing next to their beautifully skinny women. I would love to know where this double standard comes from. Back in the day a man preferred his women buxom because it meant she came from good breeding stock. Now all of us curvy women get the shaft because the Paris Hilton look is in.


Oh and just for the record......by my observation curvy women get more attention at the bars around here.
 

Johnny6

Diabloii.Net Member
"Oh my whiz you're all so shallow!"

I put on a few pounds and my girlfriend never hassled me about it. I wish she had. Seriously, it's not like I *want* to be able to get away with everything. Way to keep me in line, to "complete me" as it were.

Just because you say "hey, you're putting on weight, cut it out" doesn't mean you're not accepting someone anymore. It's not like it's significantly different from saying "hey, you're picking your nose again, cut it out." She had no qualms about that one, it's too bad she let me slide on the former.

Some of us need a bit of nagging here and there to keep us on the path to being all that we can be or what have you. This doesn't mean "oh my God looks are everything!" It means that all things being equal, some people would rather not put on a few pounds, and are receptive to constructive criticism from the people who aren't supposed to soft-shoe us.

And you know, you can tell me that those few pounds are about looks and they're not about health, but I can assure you, if my health & habits weren't poorer, I wouldn't have put on the pounds. The effect doesn't happen without the cause. "Getting older" is a convenient excuse, but it doesn't express other conditions such as "never leaving the couch" and "eating too many Twinkies." For the love of Mercury, don't just let me sit on the couch and eat Twinkies, y'know?

So, you know, I ain't gonna hate on nobody just because they'd say something about weight gain, be it big or small.

I would love to know where this double standard comes from.
Start making some more money; while you're at it buy me a house, a car, and some dinner -- and you too can have a pot belly!

You're so glass-half-empty. So the trends for women change over time, and the skinny girls are getting the most attention now. Can't we just be happy for them? I don't hear rich guys complaining that the poor guys are getting all the action now. Because... um... like... uh...
 

Garbad_the_Weak

Diabloii.Net Member
Isolde212 said:
I commend the men here who are willing to accept girls who are larger than the media portrays as the female standard.
I have seen studies where they ask men and women what body shape of a woman is the most attractive. In every instance, the women picked a skinnier ideal than the men. Of course, that doesn't make us less shallow, we simply prefer more curves -_-

Almost every guy would agree girls on TV are not ideal, especially if you meet them IRL. I have met several models and actresses and they are not as attractive as girls you can meet in any bar or college in america. Some of them were to the point it was repulsive (like Ally Mcbeal or w/e her name is, I met her IRL once and was not impressed at all, she wouldn't get a second look).

And on a related note, any ideas why men are more visual than women?

Garbad
 
Garbad_the_Weak said:
I have seen studies where they ask men and women what body shape of a woman is the most attractive. In every instance, the women picked a skinnier ideal than the men. Of course, that doesn't make us less shallow, we simply prefer more curves -_-

Almost every guy would agree girls on TV are not ideal, especially if you meet them IRL. I have met several models and actresses and they are not as attractive as girls you can meet in any bar or college in america. Some of them were to the point it was repulsive (like Ally Mcbeal or w/e her name is, I met her IRL once and was not impressed at all, she wouldn't get a second look).

And on a related note, any ideas why men are more visual than women?

Garbad
Interestingly, if you check out magazines such as Playboy, you'll notice that the women have actually grown in size over the last few years. They are a lot more voluptuous these days, and no longer fit the "36-24-36" standard.

Just an observation I've made over the last few years with my subscription.
 

Stevinator

Diabloii.Net Member
Well, if you're not married, then just trade her in for a younger model :) . If you find yourself not attracted to your mate, then it's just going to cause more problems down the road. If she's worth it, try to talk about it and fix it...if she's not, then don't.

If you are, then you should really feel open enough to discuss it. If you don't maybe there's other issues in your marriage that's stopping you from being hinest with each other.

To me, a person wh takes great pride in my appearance, (I'm not a supermodel, but I am fit, and I think it's important to look your best to help you succeed at what you want out of life. If my lady friend does not think her appearance is important we're prolly not a good fit anyway. I'm not saying i only date the hotties, but I stray away from the homily. I don't think that's shallow, I think that's honest. I don't want a steppford wife. I want an equal who I can share my time on this rock with. If she's not going to push me to be a better man and want me to push her to be a better woman, it's going to fizzle quick. Staying in shape and wanting to look and act successful is part of that package.

That's the number one thing I find ends up ending my relationships. Too many girls these days just want to find a guy who's going to take care of everything. I don't want to be with a loafer. You can call me crass, but I feel that if you can't manage your own health, how am i supposed to assume you can manage other parts of your life, including your relationship with me?

I know i sound like I'm 23 going on 64, but what ever happened to personal responsibility? America these days sounds more and more like Homer from the simpsons (Can't someone else do it?). No it's your body, your life, and your appearance. If you're with me, you'll get and honest answer, and i make that clear from the beginning. I also expect her to be honest and up front about these things with me. I want my lady to think I'm sexy. I want to think my lady is sexy. If you think that's horrible, then well, I guess we're not a good match :)
 

Isolde212

Banned
Johnny6 said:
You're so glass-half-empty. So the trends for women change over time, and the skinny girls are getting the most attention now. Can't we just be happy for them? I don't hear rich guys complaining that the poor guys are getting all the action now. Because... um... like... uh...
No. I am sorry that I cannot be happy for the skinny girls. At least not the ones portrayed through the media. I cannot and will not support the fact that because the media and society think that a women should be at an unhealthy weight to look beautiful that she is. Because of this media fed illusion millions of women all over the world have low self esteem and develop eating disorders. I can however be happy for people who are healthy despite their weight whether it be skinny, slender, fit or not.
 

Johnny6

Diabloii.Net Member
No. I am sorry that I cannot be happy for the skinny girls.
I don't think you're really sorry about it at all. I don't know what to believe anymore!

At least not the ones portrayed through the media.
You should watch more BET late-night.

Because of this media fed illusion millions of women all over the world have low self esteem and develop eating disorders.
That damned media. Do these shorts make my butt look too big? I was thinking no, but then I saw this piece in Cosmo about stripes, and... oh I just don't know anymore! *runs away crying*
 

Necrolestes

Diabloii.Net Member
Weighty matters

Hmm...SOMEBODY'S not getting a lapdance for his birthday.

Being as skinny as the women portrayed in the media is not only a ridiculous standard but also an unhealthy one. Besides the aforementioned eating disorders and self-esteem issues, skinny women will also have the potential for heart, kidney, and pregnancy problems. Not all skinny women will have these problems (it's both a combination of genetic susceptibility and lifestyle...some skinny women are genuinely healthy, although they look like they've just come from a third world country) but some will.

The recommended weight for women (this is assuming a standard build of around 5 feet to 6 feet) is 100 lbs for 5 foot tall women and add an additional 5-6 pounds for each additional inch (obviously, this is a target weight...many people can live healthily outside of their target weight, provided that the weight isn't too far out of that range). So, a 5'8" woman should weigh about 140 pounds (anywhere from 125-155 would be in a healthy range). Most of the women in my medical school are around their target weight (there are a few sticks and a few stones but by and large, they are a healthy group). Most of the men, however, are either at their target weight or well above it.

Isn't it odd that it's OK for men to be obese but not OK for a 5'8" woman to weigh 140 pounds? I find that "fact" to be disturbing.
 

Beowulf

Diabloii.Net Member
DrunkCajun said:
And for the record, as someone who's definetly had my laps around the block, skinny legs and breasts like you're talking about mean one thing and one thing only: implants.

Just wanted to lay that out there. Exceptions to this rule are very few and far between.
I agree!! And for the record Paris Hilton is butt-ass ugly.
 

Johnny6

Diabloii.Net Member
Isn't it odd that it's OK for men to be obese but not OK for a 5'8" woman to weigh 140 pounds? I find that "fact" to be disturbing.
I don't find it disturbing, mainly because it's a "fact" and not a fact.
 

Madness

Diabloii.Net Member
What pisses me off, is how women are so convinced that guys only want super-anorectic girls, when clearly that's not the case. Even guy who admit to care a lot for physical appearance.
What is hot today, is a healthy, fit look.
Stop whining girls, men dont really want you to be a stick.

And like I said, to the original question, I'd like my girl to look good, if she loses or gains too much weight, Ill make sure she's aware of that.
And no, I dont expect, nor want her to be a stick.

Edit: steve, I totally agree about that.
 

Beowulf

Diabloii.Net Member
I love women with more a little bit of curves. Most of the "super models" of the world are not what I would call hot. My gf is 5"7' and about 135-140lbs and I love it. If she was like 110lbs or something I would probably hate it.
 

LunarSolaris

Diabloii.Net Member
Two very key words to remember here (with respect to the original topic of the thread):

Honesty and Communication.

Both have to exist in any healthy relationship and that especially applies to the topic at hand (of a partner gaining a significant amount of weight). If it bothers you, be honest about it... but be nice about it. Talk about it. Be willing to listen... be willing to change your thoughts.

My ex wife gained a lot of weight in the last 2 years of our relationship - and she struggled with trying to lose weight a lot. It got to the point where I couldn't even hint at it because she had so many issues about it. It got so bad that by the time we seperated, that she actually PROJECTED her own negative self-thoughts onto me and accused me of "thinking" she was fat. (yes folks... thinking...). I tried nothing but trying to tell her constantly that I was still attracted to her... loved her... etc., but she had already convinced herself in her mind otherwise. There wasn't even the chance of communication at the end. So not every situation will have a happy ending.

As for myself. I chose to love someone for who they are. If my partner were to gain weight, I'd hope I could talk to her about it honestly. Ultimately it would be up to her to make the decision to do something about it. I highly doubt I'd break up with my partner over weight issues, but I'd certainly be honest with them in letting them know that I felt less stimulated romantically due to it (approaching it as gently as I could, mind you).

My current g/f and I talk about weight loss somewhat regularly. But when we talk about it it's from an understanding that we both need to be exercising and eating better than we sometimes do. Neither of us are even remotely obese, but we both could stand to drop a few pounds. The trick is that we try and lovingly remind each other, and when the topic is brought up... the context isn't a "you need to lose weight" issue... it's a "we need to lose weight" issue.

And as a matter of preference, I am not attracted to skinny "waify" women. I much prefer athletic builds... or what is usually described as "curvy". I am, however, turned off by obesity.
 

Quietus

Diabloii.Net Member
I honestly think that a huge part of this problem is the way Media portrays the "Perfect person". That goes for both men and women.

For example : go to your local supermarket, to the check out lanes. All those magazines there? I have yet to see more than a handful in my lifetime that DIDN'T have some ad for a new "Miracle diet" plastered across the front. As well as the latest "20 ways to make your guy keep coming back for more" ... but that's something entirely different, and outside the scope of this thread.

But also take a look at magazines portraying guys. Any time the guy is supposed to be attractive, he also falls into this rippling muscle, six pack abs, super defined stereotype. The pressure is on both men and women to look a certain way, and yet very few people actually A) look that way, and B) WANT their partners to look that way.

My aforementioned wife was 6'0, and 270 pounds - did I find her unattractive? No. When I first got involved with her she was 240. Did the increase in her weight affect my opinion of her appearance? Hell, I hardly noticed, unless she was complaining because she couldn't fit into her clothes properly any more.

I personally have a slim build, my metabolism is literally off the wall... I could happily eat seven meals a day, and keep my 5'7.5, 140 lb frame. For that matter, I'd probably lose weight. My stomach has nothing to do with any "packs", and you know what? Yes, that bothers me. But that's more due to my preconceived notions that the general populace thinks that a lack of a six pack reduces your attractiveness. It's been pounded into our heads at every turn that media = right, every single time. They're not. Someone needs to give whoever is controlling the media a good kick in the shin, because all they're managing to do is give the world a great big lack of self esteem, when very few people actually WANT to be with someone who looks like these media images.

I've noticed that a lot of the people who have replied to this thread have mentioned that they prefer curvy women. I have to wonder if that's an actual representation of the preference of the general populace or not. After all, the majority of us here are gamers. I'm sure there are a few who don't fit into that "role", but the majority of people who would take the time to not only play a game but become an active member in a community built around it do. This also means that we represent a small cross-section of the world overall. Those people out there who have different interests may think differently than we do... perhaps they find the 'OMG I'm so skinny you can see my ribs' look attractive. I don't know. It would certainly make for an interesting study, though.

If only I could be bothered to go out and do that. :p
 

Stevinator

Diabloii.Net Member
weight standards are mostly useless. muscle weighs more than fat, but is generally more attractive than fat. (sometimes you have those people that are just too buff)

I don't think everyone should look like a waif, and frankly, i'm not all that attracted to paris hilton...maybe she'd be cute if wasn't so erh...loose...but she's not "hot" in my book.

I'll tell you what i find attractive, and weight charts don't really apply. first, merely physically, I like a girl who's got the hourglass figure. nice hips and butt...she doesn't have to have a chest that pops out of her shirt. if your gut is woder than your hips I'm prolly not turning around to look back at you. but no guy wants a frail woman either. guys respond to women who are confident, flirty, and athletic. at least in my experience. if you're a little overweight, don't worry about it...if you exude confidence in yourself the vibe you send out that screams confident will override that little bit of chunk and your man will "see" you as looking better than women with better bodies who slouch or simply lack that aura of self confidence. A big part of how people perceive each other is in how they present themselves to others.

I can't speak for all men, but in my experience men want girl that looks like she takes care of herself, looks like she works out and they perceive to be confident and atheletic. You don't need a perfect body. No one really sees you exactly as you are anyway. no man's brain can retain every intimate detail of your shape exactly, and what we don't remember our brains pretty much just make up from our intial impression. it's not just whne checking girls out that we do this. everyone we meet, we "size up" in some context or another. we assume we know things aobut them just from our initial impressions.

case in point. I dated a girl in college who was a bit overweight, but she worked out a lot, and since she pretty much lived in my dorm room (didn't like her roomate, but did like me I guess), i saw her coming back from yoga, and aerobics and whatnot, and I felt like she was in great shape, because i was constantly being reinforced that she worked out and was healthy. now there' no way for me to know exaclt how healthy she was, but my perception was that she was, and even though she was a bit overwieght (5'6" and about 140), I just didn't really notice her belly until we broke up. I "saw" her as better looking than she really was because I liked her, she acted confident and energetic, and she talked about working out a lot.

I remember seeing her after we broke up and thinking she must've put weight on, but one of my friends looked at me like I was crazy, and said he thought she looked like she had lost weight--he said he heard she was trying to get in really good shape to get me back...but the drama is unimportant. he assumed she had gotten better looking, and I looked at her and thought she was worse looking. one of us had to be wrong, but in our perceptions, we were right.

so if any women are reading this, the key to looking good is as much in how you act as it is in what you actually look like. Be cool in who you are, take care of yourself, strive to be better--for yourself, not for someone else, and men will respond. besides if you do that you'll end up not just being percieved as cuter, but you'll find you'll prolly get in better shape with that attidtude than if you're just trying to impress someone else.
 

Ranger14

Diabloii.Net Member
Necrolestes said:
Isn't it odd that it's OK for men to be obese but not OK for a 5'8" woman to weigh 140 pounds? I find that "fact" to be disturbing.
5'8" and 140 is a great weight as far as a I am concerned for my partner. No complaints from me! :D Then again, I don't like my women skinny like Paris Hilton. I don't like them significantly overweight either. 5'8" and 140 is just right!
 
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