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if you don't want to be friends?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by azn_apocalypse, Mar 27, 2005.

  1. azn_apocalypse

    azn_apocalypse IncGamers Member

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    if you don't want to be friends?

    So one of my friends, this girl I know, just got back from spring break. I've known her a few months, and we're pretty close friends, as in we hang out a lot, but that's mainly only b/c I was interested in dating her for awhile, so I was basically getting to know her better before I asked her out (which I have not done yet).

    Well, I found out from another friend that she recently just started dating someone (which, upon asking her about it, she confirmed). After finding this out I realized that now I feel like I don't really want to be close friends with her anymore, b/c as I've gotten to know her better I've found out she has a lot of annoying habits (she is VERY narcissistic, for example, and I don't like most of her friends, either).

    The problem is, she still calls me/IMs me to ask me to hang out. I know she is my friend but the fact is, now that she has a boyfriend, I am not really interested in hanging out with her anymore. So my question is, how do I take down the level of this friendship (I wouldn't mind still being acquaintances with her, just not good friends) without appearing bitter? Any suggestions? Anyone else ever find themselves in this situation?
     
  2. Matt

    Matt IncGamers Site Pal

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    Why would you want to date her if you dont like her well enough to be friends?

    That aside, I'd say ask her if its ok to invite friends along, kind of take away the 1 one 1 element, make it a bit less personal. If you're never hanging out with her only, but always with a group, its probably a bit easier to drift apart.

    So I'd say dont ask her to do anything (duh, I'm guessing you had that part figured out already ;)) and when you are gonna hang out, you might tell her youre busy sometimes, and when you DO hang out, bring some friends (though dont surprise her with them, tell her beforehand, otherwise its a bit rude)

    -Matt
     
  3. Garbad_the_Weak

    Garbad_the_Weak IncGamers Member

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    The best thing to do is simply not reciprocate.

    If she calls, chat just enough so its not rude then say you have to go. If she asks you to do something, say you can't. Act distracted when she is around, pay more attention to other people. Never call her or ask her to do anything. Don't do anything rude, just dont do anything to encourage her.

    It won't take long for her to get the hint.

    Garbad
     
  4. itsPizzarific

    itsPizzarific Banned

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    both good ideas. to elaborate on matts, maybe take her out to a movie with some friends, and sit next to her, but then talk to whoever is on your other side more. ;)
     
  5. Fallen Creation

    Fallen Creation IncGamers Member

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    You could always tell her she smells funny.
     
  6. neophase

    neophase Banned

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    you tell her you'll always be her friend,
    you always be there for her
    you'll always be willing to lend out your ear to hear and hands to work.

    You don't give up on her, but you act you in honesty and tell her about how her arrogance get's to you... in making sure you talk to her in private about this and you don't trigger anything bad. The worst thing you can do here is push her into a hole, you want to exalt her and humble yourself.

    You mention that you once had a crush on her, and you liked her more than a friend, but now, this is slowly crawling away. Tell her without her, you are incomplete, and when you are with her, she makes you feel complete. Tell her that you are in debt to her for opening your eyes and bringing you closer to the fullness of your heart- true integrity and true love.

    This is what I would do, and obviously you aint like me, so the worst thing you can do to her is lie to her.
    The best thing you can do to her is be honest with her.

    The virtues of life - love, forgiveness, trust, honesty, loyalty, service, patience, prudence.
    Be prudent in the way you demonstrate these for you wouldn't want to drive them into their coffin that they are already working towards.
    Ignorance and fear lead to the coffin.
    People set up their shields and armors and a brick wall so you can never reach them, not even through love, nor through service. This is what ignorance is all about, and condemnation is upon thee for being so greedy and selfish for that reason.
    Next comes fear. Have the courage to take a step foward among the nation. If you sit still like the rest of the nation, you will only be drawing closer to your coffin. Remember that you are not alone, life is always with you. Be ambitious and determined, motivated.

    Justice is from Satan. - the Dark
    Forgiveness is from Jesus. - the Light
    It's in stillness that we find and discover life.


    Peace,
    Neo
     
  7. Necrolestes

    Necrolestes IncGamers Member

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    Can't we all just get along?

    I'd just come out and tell her that I'd like to come but I'm not sure why you'd ask me (you could add the fact that you find her annoying, but I wouldn't...it'd be better to ask why based on your differences). This will produce a response that may serve as an accurate gauge of where you stand with her. It's not a lie, and it's not trickery but it works just as well.

    But as I have said many times before, what works for me doesn't always work for someone else.
     
  8. SassyChickyMomma

    SassyChickyMomma IncGamers Member

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    i dont know it seems kinda obvious to me. you either want to be friends or you dont. and from what you said you think she is not "date-able" and you dont want to really be friends so why are you concerned about what she thinks? i don't think it matters one way or another. seems like you pretty much need to just drop her. tell her the truth even if it hurts her feelings, with the way you describe her personality she wont care either way it seems. LOL she cannot have it both ways! and as for her calling or IM'ing you, block her and dont answer her calls. or you can just say "bite me!" LOL.
     
  9. Broke

    Broke IncGamers Member

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    I would just completely ignore her but if that's not your style, just tell her you dont wanna hang out with her anymore.
     
  10. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

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    Try and stay friends with her...just because she's with someone else doesn't mean you have to give up on her. If you don't like her enough to date her but enough to hang out with her ...why not continue? Maybe one day she'll realize she likes you more or just stay your friend and whatnot. But if in the end she just turns out to be fussy and all and just totally not worth your time even as a friend, then by all means stop talking to her, it feels much better afterwards, trust me.
     
  11. Damnatorius

    Damnatorius IncGamers Member

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    Just tell her you're completely in love with her, couldn't live without her etc...
    that way being with you will just make it uncomfortable for her and she'll start avoiding you :)
     
  12. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

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    Tell her you wanna do her.
     
  13. Freet

    Freet IncGamers Member

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    Did no one else find it strange that the quirks didn't really bother him until she got her a b/f?

    I'm not sure we are hearing the whole truth here.
     
  14. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

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    Jealous...azn_apocalypse is...
     
  15. azn_apocalypse

    azn_apocalypse IncGamers Member

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    Perhaps, maybe my ego is a little bruised that she chose someone else. But I assure you that her personality quirks are something I've noticed gradually, even while she was still single. It was just a matter of getting to know her well enough to find out about these quirks.

    So, anyway, a little update. I've decided to use Garbad's strategy of being polite but not reciprocating in any way shape or form, since it was basically what I planned to do before anyway.

    So today I saw her in person for the first time in few weeks (this was in class), and I said hello to her and asked her how she was doing, just tried to act normal. I even felt normal. Ha ha, I must be the worst actor ever...b/c she immediately got this concerned look on her face and asked me, "Are you OK?" Damn, is it just me or do women have a sixth sense for this sort of thing (reading other people's thoughts)?

    I was totally taken aback, b/c I had no idea that I was projecting any sort of weirdness, but I was like, "Yeah, I'm fine."

    Then I ignored her for the rest of the class. :)

    She didn't make any attempt to talk to me after class so maybe she is starting to get the hint. If she is, good. But we'll see how this strategy plays out...
     
  16. DrunkCajun

    DrunkCajun Banned

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    Go on with life. Don't be mean to her or ignore her completely, but don't go out of your way to spend time with her, especially not one on one. You'll drift eventually, but without hard feelings. No sense in burning bridges.
     
  17. Steel_Avatar

    Steel_Avatar IncGamers Member

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    ]

    I have to go with Freet on this one. I'm afraid I can't sympathise much with your problem. If the only reason you were interested in being friends was because of your ulterior motive, then to me, you presented her with a falsehood. It's up to you to get out of it on your own. It's your mess.
     
  18. Garbad_the_Weak

    Garbad_the_Weak IncGamers Member

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    Whats wrong with getting to know someone to see if you want to go out with them?

    Garbad
     

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