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i never thought i'd post one of these...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by asdf, Oct 25, 2006.

  1. asdf

    asdf IncGamers Member

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    i never thought i'd post one of these...

    but here i go. how do you... not ask a girl out? this may seem strange to a lot of you, and it's definitely quite strange for me.

    a general summary of the situation: there's 2 girls that are interested in me. this is pretty odd already, as i normally have enough trouble getting a date as it is, and the number of romantic interests usually number less, not more, than 1.

    i only met the second girl after i asked the first out to a date. due to the midterm season, we decided to postpone it. when i met the second girl i may have been a bit too... gentlemanly, let's just say. we got to know each other pretty well, but now i'm pretty sure she's expecting me to ask her out. whoops.

    now don't get me wrong, she's a fabulous gal. i would be dating her at the drop of a hat if it weren't for the fact that there's somebody else...

    so, how to resolve this situation? i don't want to lie to her and say i already have a girlfriend, because i don't. i also want to avoid the awkward situation of saying "sorry, i can't go out with you" out of the blue. she's pretty meek and not the type to ask me, i think, so i can't turn her down there. hm.
     
  2. {KOW}Spazed

    {KOW}Spazed Banned

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    Did you tell the first girl you'd only date her? If not then there is no problem.

    If however you did tell her that you really need to consider who you like more and what your future will be like if you don't choose that girl.
     
  3. SmittySixTen

    SmittySixTen IncGamers Member

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    Here's the problem as I see it. From what you've said, you're already expecting the date with the first girl to go somewhere. You don't know if it will, and the two of you aren't dating yet. Was there ever an agreement that you'd be exclusive? If not, you have every right to see if there is something between you and the second girl. Yes, it may make for a sticky situation if you end up liking both of them, but you may also miss out of something great with the second one and then come to find out that you don't click as well as you thought with the first girl. It doesn’t even have to be a date; it can just be hanging out as friends to get to know each other better.

    Also, if the second girl doesn’t ask you out then you don’t need to turn her down. I just think it’s fairly premature to go possibly hurting her feelings. Like I said, you don’t know if the date with the first girl is even going anywhere yet.
     
  4. asdf

    asdf IncGamers Member

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    ah yes... i guess i should have mentioned that. no, i didn't actually ask her that, but it was pretty much implied. she's a girl of strong morals (which is something i admire in her). same goes for the other gal.

    i'm not the type to date several girls at once, either. several problems with this, complications being only one of them.



     
  5. Carino

    Carino IncGamers Member

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    manage a trois

    Im kidding (i think), but if the second girl isn't going to ask you out, and if you don't do it, then don't worry about it. If you're not exclusive with the first one, then go on dates with both!
     
  6. SmittySixTen

    SmittySixTen IncGamers Member

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    Well, in light of the fact that it's implied neither of you will date someone on the side, then that changes things. However, like people have said (myself included), if the second girl isn't going to ask you out then there's nothing to worry about. On the off chance she does, you just have to be honest with her. Just use terms like "you're a really great friend" and "you're like a sister" a lot. :p
     
  7. {KOW}Spazed

    {KOW}Spazed Banned

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    If you call her your sister and then at a later date ask her out you'd look creepy. Women remember crap like that.

    I'd continue to hang out with girl #2 and get to know her, just not privately. This will 1) Keep the awkwardness away 2) Let you see how girl #1 deals with you hanging around other girls 3) Let you get to know girl #2 better.
     
  8. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    Didn't you ever watch high school comedies from the 80's or 90's - Boy Meets World or something? You take them both out to the prom, but keep finding excuses to leave the table and be with the other one - with hilarious results. In the end they find you out and they're both pissed off at you and you Learn A Valuable Lesson. Well, until next episode anyway.
     
  9. myleftfoot

    myleftfoot IncGamers Member

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    They are only dates. Go out with both of them (seperatly).

    Strangly enough, that's how most girls come across when dating :laugh:



     
  10. Yossarian

    Yossarian IncGamers Member

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    It's a date! Got out with both. You're not getting married. Keep dating the one you like best or a new one if you don't like either.
     
  11. ffejrxx

    ffejrxx IncGamers Member

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    another option would be to set her up on a blind date with a friend who is single
     
  12. Thelioness

    Thelioness IncGamers Member

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    If you like them both, then go out with both. It is just that easy. Go out with the 2nd girl who seems to be available to date right now. See if it goes anywhere. If it does then you can simply tell the 1st girl that you met someone else in the mean time. If it doesn't, then go on your already planned date with the 1st girl when she is available. You are not in a relationship. There is no reason to make yourself exclusive to one person, when you haven't even gone on a date with her. I am sure that she isn't expecting you to give up dating until she has time. Plus, how would you feel if you gave up the chance with this 2nd girl and then it turns out that the 1st girl wasn't really interested at all. She just agreed to a date sometime in the future because she didn't know how to get out of it.



     
  13. Stompwampa

    Stompwampa IncGamers Member

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    you need to figure out which girl you really want to be with and which girl really wants to be with you. Untill you can decipher that, you really shouldn't be trying to pursue either of them. It wouldn't be fair to any of you to not know what's going on, or to not know what you're feeling.
     
  14. myleftfoot

    myleftfoot IncGamers Member

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    You must have a compelling social life?



     
  15. Thelioness

    Thelioness IncGamers Member

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    How do you know what you are feeling when you haven't even gone on a date with either one of them. I always thought that dating was to figure out if you are compatable and all that stuff.
     
  16. Sir EvilFreeSmeg

    Sir EvilFreeSmeg Banned

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    Date them both. Have sex with both. Choose the better lay.
     
  17. cyclotronic

    cyclotronic IncGamers Member

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    I think there is really only one thing you can do. Ask yourself "if i was seeing a girl, would it upset me if she was seeing another guy at the same time." If you can honestly say no to this question then date both. If however you cant say no, then you will feel real guilty about it the whole time.
     
  18. Ariadne

    Ariadne IncGamers Member

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    Good point. And if you want to go out with both of 'm, which is possible, keep it to a friendshiplevel. That isn't too hard to do.



     
  19. Thelioness

    Thelioness IncGamers Member

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    To me it is easy. You aren't dating either one yet. All you have is a commitment to go out with one girl sometime in the future. This isn't a commitment for a relationship. It is just a date. On the other hand you have the opportunity to go out with this one girl now and you are worried because you might have a date sometime in the future with someone else.

    Ever heard the saying don't count your chickens before they hatch?
     
  20. SmittySixTen

    SmittySixTen IncGamers Member

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    The more I think about this, the more it reminds me of a problem a college buddy of mine had a few years ago. Basically, he met one girl and he liked her a lot. Then he met another girl, and he liked her more but didn't ask her out because he liked the other girl first. As it turns out, the first girl didn’t have any interest in him after all while the second girl would have dated him, but moved on because he wouldn’t ask her out. He's been single every day I've known him.
     

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