How To Proceed

[Jesse24]

How To Proceed

So I was looking for a picture on my computer today when I stumbled something I shouldn't have. It was my mom's presentation to the courts in hopes of getting more child support. Let me quote a part for you:

"Please understand that the respondent has chosen his happiness over his son leaving us for a career advancement in Ontario and to a woman he had an affair with three years prior to him leaving us."

Wow. Okay. News to me. Let me fill you in, a long story short, my parent's divorced when I was six (about 10 years ago) I stayed with my mom in B.C. (Canada) and my dad moved to Ontario where he grew up. Back then I obviously couldn't understand what was going on so I let it go and went on with my life. I would fly out to see my dad every summer and xmas vacation and soon I was introduced to his girlfriend and in a matter of years, his second wife. He started his life over again I guess with another son who is now 2.

I never really asked why he moved all the way out there, I mean if I had a kid and it wasn't working out with the mother, I probably would seperate too, but I certainly wouldn't move to the other side of the country... So I never asked, I guess it was a soft spot for me that I wanted to forget....I'm sure he would have lied about it anyways. But that doesn't matter now because all the blank spots have been filled.

Anyways what would you do next? Ask your parents if its true? Make your dad's life miserable if it was?

And just when I thought my day couldnt get any shittier :thanks:

 

[Steve_Kow]

This is a private matter between your parents.

 

[axeil]

If I was you I wouldn't really bring it up to either of them. It could cause more trouble than you think.

 

[Corneo]

Hey man **** happens and just let it go. Just be a good parent to your kids some day.

 

[DurfBarian]

That's a rough discovery to make, man. Sorry you're going through this.

You might bring it up with your mom at some point. Not right now; not when she's in the thick of the court proceedings. At a quiet opportunity when you both have plenty of time to talk. Be a loving son to her.

It sounds like your dad has moved on and is not a huge part of your life, except for the part of the year you visit him . . . I would suggest bringing it up with him at a later date, when you're older, if you can stand to wait that long. It's not the kind of thing you need to use as a weapon against him. Give what you're feeling now time to mellow.

Best of luck and come back here to chat if you need to.

 

[Stevinator]

If I was you I wouldn't really bring it up to either of them. It could cause more trouble than you think.

It could, but if it really bothers oyu oyu should be open and talk about it. most likely your parent's kept this info from oyu to keep from hurting you. do oyu think you were ready to hear it? are you okay with it? do oyu understand that that's long past now and everyone's life has moved on? not every marriage is perfect...perhaps it's best that your parent's split up.

they're still your parent's and they still love you..i assume...does it matter what happened back then? if you think it does maybe oyu should address it. if it doesn't...then it's prolly best to let bygones be bygones.

remember that action doesn't mean your father didn't love you...in fact it didn't even mean your father didn't love your mom...it just means he's human and met someone new. have you lived a sinless life? mybeyour dad left because he was ashamed and didn't want to fight all the time in front of you.

first you must accept that it happened...then you need to decide if you're ready to forgive him.

if you need to vent you can vent at us.

 

[Xynrx]

I won't give you advice, because you should do what you think is best for you and your family. But I will tell you what I would do. Nothing. I would take that information and keep it inside. Be happy you got a glimpse into what really happened in the past. Your mother obviously hasn't told you because she either doesn't want to upset you and ruin your relationship with your father, or wants to move on without having you remind her. Regardless, she doesn't think it's time to tell you.

I am pretty sure that she will fess up and tell you once your older and out on your own. But until then, what I would do is just take it as a look into the past and nothing more. No need to drag up something that doesn't need to be. But that's just me...

 

[Yaboosh]

I am not a big fan of parents lying to their kids about stuff like this. If the dad is an *******, the son should know.

I personally have encountered more than my fair share of deceptive crap wihtin the family in my lifetime, and I am sick of it and I do not tolerate it anymore.

 

[Jesse24]

If it's all true I don't want to see him again, I can't imagine doing that if I had my own family, it's unforgiveable. I mean MAYBE if he was drunk, I know that you can just lose control but he obviously didn't regret it if he ended up remarrying her. How can I be friendly to my step mom now that I know this?

It pisses me off because he acts all high and mighty and tells me I'd be better off living with him...and claims that he was thrown out of the house, ughhh of course he was thrown out, he deserves it.

Guess I'll just try to let go like the rest of it. Thx for the advice