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How to approach a crush on a housemate?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Moosashi, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. Moosashi

    Moosashi Diabloii.Net Member

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    How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    It's been a long time since I was active on these boards, but I need some unbridled advice from the internet on this one, and I figure the OTF's just-right mix of sage wisdom and blistering wit would be the last thing to ever change.

    Here's the deal:

    I'm a straight single man and I share a house with two—unfortunately for me—attractive women. We each have our own contracts with the landlord so the housemate composition is largely out of my control. One of these girls moved in about a month ago and this concerns her.

    Aside from being an unwavering liberal, she's everything I'd want in a girl. Cute, spunky, smart, athletic, etc. We've hit it off as friends—sparing over politics, playing sports, drinking and partying together—and I'd hate to lose that. But I couldn't help myself and have developed a crush on her. Though we've naturally spent a lot of time together recently, it's hard for me to tell whether she has any feelings for me beyond friendship. I think the typical signs point both ways and I assume it's a toss-up.

    The way I see it, I have two options. (1) I come clean and tell her how I feel while attempting to minimize the awkwardness that would ensue if it turns out she feels differently. Or (2) I suck it up, distance myself, and date other people (though I've been striking out lately) in an attempt to crush the crush. If she shares my feelings, I'd like to try to figure out how to make it work with her, so I'm not simply asking how to get over her.

    Anyway, what do I do, one or two?

    Moosashi
     
  2. SnickerSnack

    SnickerSnack Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Do 1. But, as you say, try to minimize the awkwardness (I don't mean try to be extra sauve, I mean try to be direct without being creepy.), and be prepared to move to a new place if things get too weird - which is a possibility, however remote.

    Though, I'm sure someone will make a compelling case to keep it to yourself.
     
  3. Galabab

    Galabab Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Your best chance is to act as soon as possible. There is no downside of this.
    Just think about it. The more you hang out together the more of friends u'll become. Before long you'll be a brother for her. If she thinks ur hot though, it may not be too late yet. But believe me it WILL BE SOON! Women dont date long time friends. Ever.
    Basically every hour you spend with her you chances become slimmer.

    On now what if she turns you down? In this case you can be glad its cleared. You weill feel better after some time. If she doesnt like you as a man now, she will not start to like you in the future. The only thing possible is that you surprize her with bold manly apporoach and even if she turns it down she will feel a romantic tension and eventhough your time together will shrink, her thought of you will become more of a partner-like than friend-like.

    good luck bro!
     
  4. SnickerSnack

    SnickerSnack Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Agree. If he's going to do it, the time is now.

    Wrong. She could get offended and move out - or worse, get offended, but stay there and just be really *****y (not to strike fear into moosashi, just sayin). Or, maybe you don't see that as a downside. :whistling: ;)

    Wrong again. I was pretty good friends with my girlfriend for about 5 years before we started dating.

    Just remember, "no" does in fact mean "no". :crazyeyes:


     
  5. jmervyn

    jmervyn Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Two. She's an unwavering liberal, and there's plenty more fish in the sea. :smug:

    If she really <does> have feelings, let her make the first move. Besides, if you take the leap she'll get her rocks off stomping your hopes while giving you the faintest stringing along, as there's nothing women enjoy more than having a "for use in emergency" boyfriend pining over them.



     
  6. Galabab

    Galabab Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Im still pretty conviced your case is an exception :)

    And according "no" yes you are right, but what I meant was by confessing a no is more likely to become a yes than by not confessing, eventhough a no will stay a no most likely.


     
  7. TurbulentTurtle

    TurbulentTurtle Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Leopold Stotch

    Leopold Stotch Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    how in the hell do you think i met Cheeto (an ex that i am still friends with today) or Marahumm? hell, i dated my roommate Little Painter way back when and we're friends to this day. yeah, get all three of them in a room and it is very awkward sometimes... but LP might not count because it didn't get serious, ya know? anyways... i was friends with all three for a good while before we started to date. i guess im a different exception as well... again, i've known Mara going on eight years and got really close after high school and when he moved back to Texas.... i guess after you date an idiot, go on a few friend dates with your best guy friend, realize that you are always happy when you are around them (even when you are having the ****tiest day ever) and are always having fun you just fall in love....

    :D

    to everything else you said, Gala... i do agree. i mean, with a lot of other chicks, once you're in the friend zone, that's it. there MAY be a chance she might see you differently after a while, but it sadly doesn't always work like that. :(

    how long have you known this girl, if i can ask, OP? it's contradicting... i say i agree with the above and "Do it now or forever hold your peace!" but at the same time... yeah, you live with them, but say it's been two months? i mean... what if she is secretly crazed and vile woman on the inside (not counting political stances on anything... sorry, i heard a lot of depressing crap over the weekend about some vile woman (and i mean that in the worst bloody way possible. she needs to be put out of her misery and i barely the know the hoochie) and someone who may seem cool may not be on the inside)?

    not trying to discourage you or anything, but still. *****es be crazy sometimes.

    i was going to suggest a friend date. go out for coffee or challenge her to a game day or something. see how that kinda connects and maybe nonchalantly talk things over. hopefully, she is cool enough to not let this get awkward by any chance she does not feel the same, ya know?

    and, dude, if she says no, she says no. it def does not hurt to ask. think of it as this: you're pretty much at the same place you started. and like Merv (or someone... cant recall atm) there are plenty of fish out in the sea. you just gotta be really careful about some girls.... some girls be crazier than a bed bug on crystal meth.... >.>


    good luck, dude!! ^_^


    *checks Yes*

    :D :D :D

    :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:


     
  9. BobCox2

    BobCox2 Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Lot's of not enough Detail right there.
    Other factors?
    House Rules Boyfriends etc.
    For Example: :D
    I was in the same situation once but they were both biker chicks with gang boyfriends.

    stayed out of it in my case even after she broke up because "he Sodimized her" as she said.

    I did not touch it and moved on & moved


     
  10. Mikachu

    Mikachu Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    I like Turb's idea. :D
     
  11. enginekid

    enginekid Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    best way to approach is quietly while she is sleeping.






















    (that was just a joke. do not actually try this!)
     
  12. SnickerSnack

    SnickerSnack Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    You're probably right about that 99% of the time.

    Heh, I was just kidding.

    Second. I forgot to say so earlier.

    @enginekid: Stay classy. :)


     
  13. jimmyboy

    jimmyboy Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    1st. Hide the porn. Chicks hate that.

    2nd. Wait it out another month or so and see whether the romance blosomes. It's only been one month.

    3rd. Establish trust. Unless they're drunk, most chicks need to trust a guy before sleeping with him.

    4th. Did I mention hide the porn?
     
  14. SeCKSEgai

    SeCKSEgai Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Might as well tell her unless you're really fearful about the rejection - then you'll just over-think it anyway and probably ruin any possibility of things happening anyway.

    As long as you don't come on too strong, whatever her response is should be an indicator of where to go from there.
     
  15. SnickerSnack

    SnickerSnack Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Agree. As long as you're earnest (and don't over think it), it'll be fine. Even if it doesn't turn out how you'd like, it'll be okay.


     
  16. enginekid

    enginekid Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    here you go
    this should raise your game a notch

     
  17. Noodle

    Noodle Moderator

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Excellent point. I agree - get her drunk.



     
  18. Valhauros

    Valhauros Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Have you thought of talking with the second girl, your other housemate? if she's perceptive enough, she already knows that you have a crush on your common friend and if that's the case, it's likely the two woman have been talking about that, situation which could provide you additional insight. Also, be sure you are not already in the Friend Zone, because if you are, your odds are very slim.

    Good luck. :thumbup:
     
  19. Twoflower

    Twoflower Banned

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    Her lips said no but her eyes said "read my lips".



     
  20. SeCKSEgai

    SeCKSEgai Diabloii.Net Member

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    Re: How to approach a crush on a housemate?

    funnier than getting her drunk


    On a side note to that - I actually came out worse for wear with a girl because I didn't take "action" while she was in her inebriated state - but in my logic, if she needs to be inebriated for something to happen, the rest of the time sober is just screaming "unpleasant".

    That, and I always found it a bit disturbing to take advantage of a drunk girl.


     

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