Yeah, I did one once with someone 300 miles away. See though, then it wasn't possible to see the other person more than a few times a year. In this case, it's only upstate a bit, so it's possible to make the drive in an hour, or even take the commuter rails if possible.Anakha1 said:I had a relationship with a girl who lived 600kms away. It sucked. Now I won't date anyone outside of my city.
It depends man. How long is this supposed to last? One year, Two years, 5 years, forever? Also, how long have you two been together in the same town? And also, how old are the two of you?GIR said:Relationships with someone who lives an hour away. Do they work out? Jut curious. I'm thinkin' about someone who's about 70 miles away. Same state and everything.
Anyone have any experiences with such things that they care to share?
How long is it supposed to last? Who knows. We're just starting out.toader said:It depends man. How long is this supposed to last? One year, Two years, 5 years, forever? Also, how long have you two been together in the same town? And also, how old are the two of you?
do i sense some hidden anger here?thejdawg2 said:I don't think anyone would classify a long distance relationship as being some sort of weaker or invalid relationship. Love is not based upon proximity, and living closer to someone does not make a love greater. All relationships are different and unique, and sometimes distance is an aid, sometimes it's a hindrance. Most likely, it's both, but neither, but sometimes one, and sometimes the other.
It helps by letting you figure out your S.O. in a logical and analytical fashion. Whether or not friends approve is less of an issue. Fights can be caused by this distance, but this distance also lets you cool off adequately too. There is no slamming of doors, walking out on, or physical violence. The farthest that an LD fight can go is hanging up, or leaving the computer. Nothing that's cause for a breakup, unlike a slap, continued insults, and anything else the continued rise of emotions can bring.
But obviously from the title, this post isn't about the positives of living far from the one you care about. This post is about the shortcoming. For all the connection two individucals can feel simply by talking, it is by no means a replacement for physical chemistry. I'm not talking sex either. Sex changes and improves over time, assuming communication is a value of the relationship.
The physical chemistry I speak of is the simple action of being there. You had a crappy day and you just want to be in his/her arms for a second, then let out your rant about what happened to make the day crappy, and you feel better. You share not only the emotion that you felt of the day, but you also get the pleasure of the physical release. The unusually tight embrace, the sigh of figuring what you're going to say when you are articulating your anger, the action of looking into their eyes and knowing that you just aren't as angry as you were 10 minutes before. All lacking when you date LD.
Instead you must rely on words. Don't get me wrong. I like to write, I think I get my points across fairly well. But words fall short. Music, painting, sculpture. All 3 are forms of art that are meant to capture human emotions where words either fell short, or never existed at all. And even when you count all 4 of those kinds of art, you still fall short of human emotion. You still fall short of that connection you get by looking into his/her eyes. I could look up a thousand different poems on roses, I could draw thousands of pictures, sculpt innumerable specimens, write music that makes me think of the beauty of a rose, but do any even compare to the feeling of giving something beautiful to your partner and knowing seeing the beauty that is their face when they gaze upon it? No, they can never even come close.
That is the shortcoming of LD. That is the shortcoming that is long distance. Even the positive of long distance are shortcomings as well. You don't physically know his/her anger. You don't know exactly what riles them up, the words that get to them, the things that make them cry. When bickering escalates, you're essentially on uncharted ground. You've never seen them this angry before. Sure, you might have argued or even yelled before, or been hurt or cried, but it's nothing compared to seeing it.
All of a sudden, words that you didn't even think were that big of a deal has made her cry, while the way she is reacting is hurting you like you never thought possible. Anger. Sadness. Fear. All the adverse emotions that you don't know how to deal with are suddenly all in your face, all at once, and you're feeling them too. Suddenly the relationship is a lot more strained than it should be. Sure you may know the person inside and out by their words, their expresssions, their feelings as they have the time to think them out before they relay them to you, but when they are coming out, faster than even being realized, you're in uncharted territory.
Suddenly, hanging up isn't an option. Walking away from the computer does no good for you now. And you are forced to learn about not only how your partner works in ways you didn't realize, but the way you work, and the way that both of you work.
And that's only the bad. The good is just as confusing. Sure you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings or saying something you regret to the same extent, but you still have to worry. What happens when they come back after getting a form of minor praise from a boss? If you brush it off as being minor, and they think it's a big deal because it doesn't normally happen, then you risk turning it into a negative situation. Or if you feel you've done something that makes you proud of yourself, and they gloss over because they don't recognize the telltale signs of excitement in your face and mannerisms, it hurts like hell. Suddenly you don't feel appreciated, or if it was them, they don't feel appreciated, and pointless conflict ensues.
All because you think you know someone, but at the same time, you don't.
GIR said:How long is it supposed to last? Who knows. We're just starting out.
As for age, 22 and 23, respectively.
I'm curious as to what types of problems are common is this particular situation.
That's what I'm thinking. This is something that, if it happens, is going to be taken slow, anyways.nnndave said:I think an hour is perfectly fine. The girl I'm talking to right now is like an hour drive away in holy war traffic. As long as you just talk all the time and see her every weekend or whenever you can its all good.