Latest Diablo 3 News
DiabloWiki Updates
Support the site! Become a Diablo: IncGamers PAL - Remove ads and more!

How far is too far?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by GIR, Mar 1, 2004.

  1. GIR

    GIR Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2003
    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    How far is too far?

    Relationships with someone who lives an hour away. Do they work out? Jut curious. I'm thinkin' about someone who's about 70 miles away. Same state and everything.

    Anyone have any experiences with such things that they care to share?
     
  2. Anakha1

    Anakha1 Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2003
    Messages:
    10,368
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    I had a relationship with a girl who lived 600kms away. It sucked. Now I won't date anyone outside of my city.
     
  3. GIR

    GIR Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2003
    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Yeah, I did one once with someone 300 miles away. See though, then it wasn't possible to see the other person more than a few times a year. In this case, it's only upstate a bit, so it's possible to make the drive in an hour, or even take the commuter rails if possible.

    I'm just wondering how... restricting, I guess... this particular kind of distance is.
     
  4. toader

    toader Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2003
    Messages:
    5,443
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    It depends man. How long is this supposed to last? One year, Two years, 5 years, forever? Also, how long have you two been together in the same town? And also, how old are the two of you?
     
  5. thejdawg2

    thejdawg2 IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2003
    Messages:
    888
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    120
    I don't think anyone would classify a long distance relationship as being some sort of weaker or invalid relationship. Love is not based upon proximity, and living closer to someone does not make a love greater. All relationships are different and unique, and sometimes distance is an aid, sometimes it's a hindrance. Most likely, it's both, but neither, but sometimes one, and sometimes the other.

    It helps by letting you figure out your S.O. in a logical and analytical fashion. Whether or not friends approve is less of an issue. Fights can be caused by this distance, but this distance also lets you cool off adequately too. There is no slamming of doors, walking out on, or physical violence. The farthest that an LD fight can go is hanging up, or leaving the computer. Nothing that's cause for a breakup, unlike a slap, continued insults, and anything else the continued rise of emotions can bring.

    But obviously from the title, this post isn't about the positives of living far from the one you care about. This post is about the shortcoming. For all the connection two individucals can feel simply by talking, it is by no means a replacement for physical chemistry. I'm not talking sex either. Sex changes and improves over time, assuming communication is a value of the relationship.

    The physical chemistry I speak of is the simple action of being there. You had a crappy day and you just want to be in his/her arms for a second, then let out your rant about what happened to make the day crappy, and you feel better. You share not only the emotion that you felt of the day, but you also get the pleasure of the physical release. The unusually tight embrace, the sigh of figuring what you're going to say when you are articulating your anger, the action of looking into their eyes and knowing that you just aren't as angry as you were 10 minutes before. All lacking when you date LD.

    Instead you must rely on words. Don't get me wrong. I like to write, I think I get my points across fairly well. But words fall short. Music, painting, sculpture. All 3 are forms of art that are meant to capture human emotions where words either fell short, or never existed at all. And even when you count all 4 of those kinds of art, you still fall short of human emotion. You still fall short of that connection you get by looking into his/her eyes. I could look up a thousand different poems on roses, I could draw thousands of pictures, sculpt innumerable specimens, write music that makes me think of the beauty of a rose, but do any even compare to the feeling of giving something beautiful to your partner and knowing seeing the beauty that is their face when they gaze upon it? No, they can never even come close.

    That is the shortcoming of LD. That is the shortcoming that is long distance. Even the positive of long distance are shortcomings as well. You don't physically know his/her anger. You don't know exactly what riles them up, the words that get to them, the things that make them cry. When bickering escalates, you're essentially on uncharted ground. You've never seen them this angry before. Sure, you might have argued or even yelled before, or been hurt or cried, but it's nothing compared to seeing it.

    All of a sudden, words that you didn't even think were that big of a deal has made her cry, while the way she is reacting is hurting you like you never thought possible. Anger. Sadness. Fear. All the adverse emotions that you don't know how to deal with are suddenly all in your face, all at once, and you're feeling them too. Suddenly the relationship is a lot more strained than it should be. Sure you may know the person inside and out by their words, their expresssions, their feelings as they have the time to think them out before they relay them to you, but when they are coming out, faster than even being realized, you're in uncharted territory.

    Suddenly, hanging up isn't an option. Walking away from the computer does no good for you now. And you are forced to learn about not only how your partner works in ways you didn't realize, but the way you work, and the way that both of you work.

    And that's only the bad. The good is just as confusing. Sure you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings or saying something you regret to the same extent, but you still have to worry. What happens when they come back after getting a form of minor praise from a boss? If you brush it off as being minor, and they think it's a big deal because it doesn't normally happen, then you risk turning it into a negative situation. Or if you feel you've done something that makes you proud of yourself, and they gloss over because they don't recognize the telltale signs of excitement in your face and mannerisms, it hurts like hell. Suddenly you don't feel appreciated, or if it was them, they don't feel appreciated, and pointless conflict ensues.

    All because you think you know someone, but at the same time, you don't.
     
  6. GIR

    GIR Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2003
    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    How long is it supposed to last? Who knows. We're just starting out.

    As for age, 22 and 23, respectively.

    I'm curious as to what types of problems are common is this particular situation.
     
  7. simplyLost

    simplyLost IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2003
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    42
    do i sense some hidden anger here?

    as for the original topic.. and hour isn't very far.. i know my friend is dating someone from another city which is about an hour away as well.. and they're doing fine..

    -Lost
     
  8. Kitana

    Kitana IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    18
    I live in Cleveland. My boyfrind lives in Erie, PA going to school. We've been together for three years now, with plans of making it more definate in the future. (We've been kind of waiting for him to finish school, which will happen this May.)

    It's not THAT bad.. he's here on the weekends and during spring break, christmas break, and of course summer. On Monday mornings, and at the end of long weekends or holidays, it's always harder, since he's leaving for the week, but we talk all the time during the week and all that good stuff.

    If he was only an hour away, I would have probably moved closer to him by now, to cut out driving time, or just to live together, period. But since it's closer to two hours, it just wouldn't be worth the driving time.

    So, I guess in my case, the answer would be, yes, they can work. But I know many people that it was just too much for them to take, and no, it didn't work. I think it depends on you and the other person. :)
     
  9. toader

    toader Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2003
    Messages:
    5,443
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0

    Hmm. One hours isnt too far. How many times a week do you plan on seeing each other? Is it going to be shared driving times?

    Since you guys are JUST starting out, I dont know if I would pursue it. I might take it as a sign that it just wasnt supposed to happen. Your ages do seem like you would be mature enough to handle the relationship if you did decide to pursue it. But, once again, with no clear end to the LD part in sight, and not much of a history between you two already...I would probably back off and let it pass before you guys get in too deep.
     
  10. Raft Boy

    Raft Boy IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    1,530
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    466
    No, just someone who's been there, I bet.

    As for my advice? Copy what jdawg said here.

    -Rafty
     
  11. ZeppelinAngel

    ZeppelinAngel IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    1,697
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    346
    hmm... i spent 2 years of a 2.5 year relationship with someone who lived 1,000 miles away, sometimes it was hell, sometimes it wasn't too bad, i spent about 7 months living with him, then we broke up (for other reasons)
     
  12. adamfgt78

    adamfgt78 IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Messages:
    983
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    120
    I guess an hour drive isn't really so bad. If you guys really hit it off and its mutual, it might be worth pursuing. But if its only a so-so kind of thing, I wouldn't bother.

    I think LD relationship usually only work if there is a good period of time before the LD period in which the couple is in close proximity. And if there is a plan to end move closer together. Basically, only do it if you're serious and already have a foundation. Even if you do great that far apart, there's a lot of stuff you won't know about each other and you'll be in quite a mess if you move just for the other person and then find out that you're not compatible.
     
  13. VampiroXIII

    VampiroXIII IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    655
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    120
    I dated a girl that lived an hour away from me. It wasn't too bad until my car broke and I had to bum rides up there, and it isn't easy bumming rides that far. We saw eachother every week/every other week and did the AIM and webcam thing in between. It ended pretty ugly, but that didn't really have anything to do with the distance thing.
     
  14. Fallen_62

    Fallen_62 IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    1,250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    165
    the longest drive i have had is the one i currently do, which is only 10 mins (she lives in a different town though)... but like others said, if there was something between u 2 before, i would say go for it, but since there isnt much chemistry there, i would be cautious if i were u...
     
  15. nnndave

    nnndave IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Messages:
    1,542
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    346
    I think an hour is perfectly fine. The girl I'm talking to right now is like an hour drive away in holy war traffic. As long as you just talk all the time and see her every weekend or whenever you can its all good.
     
  16. Magma

    Magma IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    5
    Been there:

    My (now) wife and I dated through college while attending schools that were about an hour freeway drive away from each other. We met in at a community college and went off to finish our degrees and play our respective sports at separate schools. It allowed us to have some healthy space to get homework and training in and didn't force us to be in a dating-24/7 situation that I think O.D.s many couples.

    We were around 18-19 when we started dating. We got married at 22-23 years old. We've been married now for close to 19 years, with two wonderful kids. We have a healthy marriage in my opinion. The space that we allowed ourselves was scary in that we were not always together and we both had suitors that didn't know we were attached. Our commitment was solid and it survived the separation of our youth as it has the trials of married life.

    For this to work the commitment level has to be solid for both of you. Temptations occur.
     
  17. GIR

    GIR Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2003
    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    That's what I'm thinking. This is something that, if it happens, is going to be taken slow, anyways.
     
  18. Sergeant

    Sergeant IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    1,660
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    466
    Pff, distance doesn't mean squat if you love him/her. I've done long distance relationships as close as 100 miles or so to as far as 2000.

    It's hard, no doubt about it and you really will find out how much you love eachother cause it can be rough only seeing eachother once a month or less.

    Generally, if you can drive and your parentals are ok with it, you can do weekends as far out as 250 miles. 250 miles can be negotiated in about 4 hours or less (depending on the weight of your foot) and can still give you a Friday night, all day Saturday and majority of Sunday.

    I am teh masta of dealing with long distance relationships. :yep:
     
  19. thejdawg2

    thejdawg2 IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2003
    Messages:
    888
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    120
    In one sense, I agree, but in another, pragmatic way, I disagree.
     
  20. Sp4rtacus

    Sp4rtacus IncGamers Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2003
    Messages:
    267
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    57
    me and my girl so far have been dating seven months, next year she is going off to college like 3 hours away, that is going to suck hardcore.
     

Share This Page