How do you become a square if you were born a circle? Some of you know that February this year my wife kicked me out of her life. Her main reason for getting rid of me is so that I could find myself. It has been almost seven months now since we've been apart and the truth is that I have realized more things about myself, my wife, and reality as a whole these last several months than the last 8 years we've been married. But what have those realizations really amounted to? Needless to say, I have been through a very rough and difficult emotional roller coaster ride. Throughout the many times I have sunk into utter despair almost wanting to just end it all I found strength in hope, faith and the love that came from loved ones and friends. So many times I've also thought that formally ending the marriage was the most rational thing to do. But it seems that everytime I've made an attempt to do so I could not tell my wife that it's either she take me back or it's all over. There's a part of me that wants to move on without her but there's also that part of me that can't live without her. The greatest challenge that beset me is the fact that my wife wants me to become a square when she knows for a fact that I was born a circle. I use this analogy because even while we were still dating my wife's expectations of me aren't expectations I have set for myself. I was born into a family where my parents never really pushed me to have a deep sense of responsibility. No, it's not that I'm a lazy slob or anything like that, it's just that I never felt that I should break my back to live a comfortable life. My wife learned responsibility the hard way when she had to be her family's main provider right after college after her family lost all their wealth because of unwise financial decisions. My wife basically wants me to become someone that's just not who I am (or is this a limitation I have imposed upon myself?). But what she's asking for somehow makes sense and I believe that in the long run if I could become that person it is my "ticket" to becoming someone who can stand his own. I used to think that marriage was all about making compromises. It's just really frustrating that the only way my marriage could be saved is if I will become someone I'm not and hopefully be happy being that person. Is this the price of love? I'd like to think that I'm a lot more aware of myself now after 7 months apart but I'm actually becoming more confused as to who I am and who I should live for. Sorry for the vent. This place has always been one of my favorite venting places.