God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

[Pierrot le Fou]

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ My mama done tol' me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
___ Other (specify): _____________​

2. Which model God did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god​

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all
parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing
attributes?

__ Yes
__ No​

If not, please describe the problems you initially countered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
___ Plays dice with the universe​

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed target for rage
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for self
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it​

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:

__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:____________________​

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin
___ Cthulhu
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
___ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ Ronald Reagan
___ A burning cabbage
___ mushrooms
___ Other: ________________​

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer... (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?​

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disaster:

1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 Republican Congress
1 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis
1 2 3 4 5 Dubya
1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship​

Miracles:

1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President
1 2 3 4 5 my present relationship​

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

1 2 3 4 5 God's Courtesy
1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?​

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet(s) if necessary.)

 

[Peregrine]

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ My mama done tol' me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
_X_ Other (specify): _personal contact_​

2. Which model God did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
_X_ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god​

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all
parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing
attributes?

__ Yes
_X_ No​

If not, please describe the problems you initially countered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
_X_ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
_X_ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
_X_ Plays dice with the universe
_X_ Other: _Smiting enemies feature defective_​

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
_X_ Needed target for rage
_X_ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for self
_X_ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it​

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:

__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
_X_ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
_X_ Playboy and/or Playgirl
_X_ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:____________________​

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin
___ Cthulhu
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
_X_ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ Ronald Reagan
___ A burning cabbage
___ mushrooms
___ Other: ________________​

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer... (circle one)?

(a). More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?​

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disaster:

1 2 (3) 4 5 flood
1 2 (3) 4 5 famine
1 2 (3) 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 (4) 5 war
1 (2) 3 4 5 pestilence
1 (2) 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 (5) AOL
1 2 3 4 (5) Republican Congress
1 2 (3) 4 5 Jerry Lewis
1 2 3 4 (5) Dubya
(1) 2 3 4 5 my last relationship​

Miracles:

1 (2) 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 (5) spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 (5) crying statues
1 2 3 4 (5) water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 (5) walking on water
1 2 3 4 (5) stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 (5) VCRs that set their own clocks
(1) 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President
(1) 2 3 4 5 my present relationship​

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

1 2 (3) 4 5 God's Courtesy
(1) 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 (2) 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
(1) 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?​

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet(s) if necessary.)

Fix the smiting enemies feature! What good is a god that doesn't serve you and grant you power?

 

[Norton]

Oh man that's golden material! I am sitting at school right now killing myself laughing, along with about 5 of my friends.

P.S. You just got us in trouble.... way to go. Apparently laughing isn't allowed in schools anymore neither is music..... t.t What's the world coming to... (something better hopefully, now that God finally sent his questionnaire around)

 

[xXxDraGoNxXx1123]

Question: If my God isn't working right, can I send it back and get a new replacement God? Does God come with a warrenty? You know, 2000 prayers or 20 years?

 

[TwilightAbyss]

All these years I have kept my Personal God Boxed Set (R) in the closet being too afraid to open it :scared: Anyway, I think I can hear loose parts inside when shaking it...

Hmm, maybe it's a bit cruel to joke on things that some people truely believe in, but this was just hilarious, :thumbsup: PlF. Oh well, at least it's not my soul in the line if God gets pissed off by this :uhhuh:

 

[Pierrot le Fou]

Question: If my God isn't working right, can I send it back and get a new replacement God? Does God come with a warrenty? You know, 2000 prayers or 20 years?

God's returns department has like a 4000 year-long line or something. He's slower at coming out with patches/improvements than Blizzard. So yes, you can, but practically, you can't.

 

[Freemason]

1. How did you find out about God?
___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ My mama done tol' me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
_x_ Other (specify): radio

2. Which model God did you acquire?
___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
_x_ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all
parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing
attributes?
__ Yes
_x_No

If not, please describe the problems you initially countered here. Please indicate all that apply:
___ Not eternal
_x_ Not omniscient
_x_ Not omnipotent
_x_ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
_x_ Requires burnt offerings
_x_ Requires virgin sacrifices
___ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.
_x_ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed target for rage
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for self
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:
__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
_x Other: _random prayers__

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
___ Odin
___ Cthulhu
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
_x_ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ Ronald Reagan
___ A burning cabbage
___ mushrooms
___ Other: _Elvis__

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer... (circle one)?
(a). More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disaster:
(1) 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 (4) 5 famine
(1) 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 (3) 4 5 war
(1) 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 (4) 5 plague
(-100) 1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 (5) Republican Congress
(1) 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis
1 2 3 (4) 5 Dubya
(1) 2 3 4 5 my last relationship

Miracles:
1 2 3 (4) 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 (5) spontaneous remissions
1 2 (3) 4 5 crying statues
(1) 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
(1) 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 (5) stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 (5) VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 (5) clear and competent statements by the President
(1) 2 3 4 5 my present relationship

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):
1 2 3 4 (5) God's Courtesy
1 2 3 (4) 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 (4) 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 (2) 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet(s) if necessary.)
Make everybody's sexual organs even bigger than you did the first time. And answer my prayers on a higher percentage than those given to Joe Pesci :rant:

 

[memememe173]

very very nice :thumbsup:

so Olympain/Norse aren't false gods but Egyptian is?

 

[Necrochild313]

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
___ My mama done tol' me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
_X_ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
___ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
_X_ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all
parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing
attributes?

__ Yes
X_ No

If not, please describe the problems you initially countered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
_X_ Permits sex outside of marriage
_X_ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
_X_ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
_X_ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
_X_ Needed target for rage
_X_ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for self
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
_X_ Enjoy organ music
_X_ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
_X_ Graduated from the tooth fairy
_X_ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:

__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
X_ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
X_ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:____________________

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin
___ Cthulhu
___ Lottery
_X_ Baal
___ Beelzebub
_X_ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
___ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
_X_ The Great Pumpkin
___ Ronald Reagan
_X_ A burning cabbage
___ mushrooms
_X_ Other: __Me__________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer... (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
(b.) Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disaster:

1 2 3 4 5 flood
(1) 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 (3) 4 5 war
(1) 2 3 4 5 pestilence
(1) 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 (5) AOL
1 2 3 4 5 Republican Congress
1 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis
1 2 3 4 5 Dubya
1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship

Miracles:

1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
(1) 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
(1) 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
(1) 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President
1 2 3 4 5 my present relationship

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

(1) 2 3 4 5 God's Courtesy
(1) 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
(1) 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
(0) 1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet(s) if necessary.)
___I'm running out of shrubs_____

 

[spiral55]

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Other Book
___ Television
___ Divine Inspiration
___ Word of mouth
___ Dead Sea scrolls
_X_ My mama done tol' me
___ Near Death Experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning Shrubbery
___ Who?
___ Other (specify): _____________​

2. Which model God did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
___ Jehovah
___ Allah
___ Just plain God
___ Krishna
_X_ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god​

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all
parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing
attributes?

__ Yes
X_ No​

If not, please describe the problems you initially countered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal
___ Not omniscient
_X_ Not omnipotent
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
_X_ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
_X_ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
_X_ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
_X_ Plays dice with the universe​

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.

_X_ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
_X_ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed target for rage
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Hate to think for self
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ To piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Enjoy organ music
_X_ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Needed to feel morally superior
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it​

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:

__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
X_ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
X_ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around in desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:____________________​

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

___ Odin
___ Cthulhu
___ Lottery
___ Baal
___ Beelzebub
_X_ The Almighty Dollar
___ The Conservative Right
_X_ Mick Jagger
___ Bill Gates
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ Ronald Reagan
___ A burning cabbage
___ mushrooms
___ Other: ________________​

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.
Which would you prefer... (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?​

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disaster:

1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 Republican Congress
1 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis
1 2 3 4 5 Dubya
1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship​

Miracles:

1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President
1 2 3 4 5 my present relationship​

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

1 2 3 4 5 God's Courtesy
1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?​

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet(s) if necessary.)

Knock off the ironically timed disasters.