Getting over a first love

TheAmoeba

Diabloii.Net Member
Getting over a first love

In the 4 or so years I've lurked here, I've seen my fair share of relation threads. Now, it's my turn :rolleyes:
I was with my ex for 5 years. We broke up 2 months ago for various reasons that are most likely dull and idiotic to others. It's been a pretty tough few weeks. Some days I'm severly depressed while others aren't so bad. My ex, on the other hand, seems o be doing amazing (we still talk since for her, we're still "best friends" and for me, I'm not too good a cutting things off completely - which is pretty pathetic). She's already had the a bunch of guys interested in her, ect. Me, on the other hand, I'm not doing so well. I have coop this semester so I'm never with my friends, have no one to talk to my age, and most importantly, have no one to distract me from thinking about everything that we had.
So, here's where I could use everyone's help. My confidence is shattered, I'm shy and have far too much time on my hands. I need ideas about what I can do. Right now, most of the day is spent working/getting to work. After work, I go to the gym (it's great, but I feel I could be doing more). When I get home, it's the worst time (outside of wok cause it's mostly individual work - I can't really do much about it).
About the confidence, I'm not really sure what to do. I was thinking that a girl would really be the best thing, but I'm not very, shall we say, sauve, when it comes to talking to...well anyone. The shyness doesn't help either (even if I see a girl I'm interesed in, I don't know what I could say to her after hey, how's it going).
Yeah, things are bad for me right now, so OTF, help me figure out what to do with my time (and maybe even myself). Thanks
 

Tor

Diabloii.Net Member
video games hehhehe

just find somethign to take your mind off her, eventually you'll meet soem new chicks. Girls have it easier on breakups
 

~Kazama Fury~

Diabloii.Net Member
I am sorry for your loss.
I know how it feels, just recently been through it myself.

Ill give you the same advice as others have given me which has helped so much. Busy yourself. So wether its WoW or talking to your friends, go for it. In my case, Ive been talking to friends and it has done wonders.

We share almost the common situation, I am not taking it too well while the ex seems to be doing fine. But Ive come to realize that people cope with problems in different manners. The fact you've been with her for so long, I am sure it is also taking a toll on her, just differently.

I wish you the best of luck.
 

Isolde212

Banned
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.....


In all seriousness, the only thing that heals a broken heart is time. Sometimes all it takes is time, sometimes there isn't enough time in the world. You can go your whole life falling in and out of love with people and still have little pieces of them that stay with you. I admittedly still think about my first love from time to time but trust me as the days, weeks, months and years go by you start thinking less and less about them.
Go out and meet people, break free from old routines and make some new ones. You never know what situations will bring some new people into your life.
 

rplusplus

Diabloii.Net Member
DrunkCajun said:
That's Blizzard related so I am going to have to trout you. Nothing personal, Just OTF business ya know.

*Smacks him with an ATF approved non-cat killing Trout*

R++

And yes video games are highly recommended especially ones that you might find associated with this site. Make sure to get to Llane server because.... Well that is where the cool people hang out.
 

Garbad_the_Weak

Diabloii.Net Member
TheAmoeba said:
Some days I'm severly depressed while others aren't so bad. My ex, on the other hand, seems o be doing amazing (we still talk since for her, we're still "best friends" and for me, I'm not too good a cutting things off completely - which is pretty pathetic).
Sorry, but you MUST stop being best friends. Its possible to resume a friendship at some point, but right after the breakup it only makes it worse.

Stop talking, stop hanging out, etc. Move on and after a while (at least 6 months) of little/no contact if you bump into her, maybe you can be friends.

As for your time, I say guildwars. F blizzard and their monthly fees.

Just as a side note, have you ever noticed how girls recover so much easier than guys after a serious relationship ends? Its interesting how the girl almost always finds someone new right off while the guys go nuts. Perhaps a result of less emotional awareness and whatnot? Anyhow...

Garbad
 
Garbad_the_Weak said:
Sorry, but you MUST stop being best friends. Its possible to resume a friendship at some point, but right after the breakup it only makes it worse.

Stop talking, stop hanging out, etc. Move on and after a while (at least 6 months) of little/no contact if you bump into her, maybe you can be friends.

As for your time, I say guildwars. F blizzard and their monthly fees.

Just as a side note, have you ever noticed how girls recover so much easier than guys after a serious relationship ends? Its interesting how the girl almost always finds someone new right off while the guys go nuts. Perhaps a result of less emotional awareness and whatnot? Anyhow...

Garbad
Agree with the first bit here. You need some time away from her to let go. Tell her you just want some time to yourself to get your life back in order or something, and cut yourself off for a few months. It'll be healthier in the long run--I speak from experience. I had two very serious relationships in high school. One of the girls I'm still best friends with, the other I never speak to.

As for Fing Blizzard and their fees, from what I understand Guild Wars hasn't even been publicly released yet. No sense sitting on your butt waiting for a game to come out. Besides, the fees are less than you'd spend to go and see a movie and get some popcorn. Well worth it for a month of entertainment from a game that's being constantly expanded/updated and serviced.

Finally, do yourself a favor and go buy Swingers and watch it a few times. The first time will be painful as hell, but by the second you'll be quoting it every 5 mintues, and moreover it has some insight for you into your current situation.
 

~Kazama Fury~

Diabloii.Net Member
Garbad_the_Weak said:
Sorry, but you MUST stop being best friends. Its possible to resume a friendship at some point, but right after the breakup it only makes it worse.

Stop talking, stop hanging out, etc. Move on and after a while (at least 6 months) of little/no contact if you bump into her, maybe you can be friends.

As for your time, I say guildwars. F blizzard and their monthly fees.

Just as a side note, have you ever noticed how girls recover so much easier than guys after a serious relationship ends? Its interesting how the girl almost always finds someone new right off while the guys go nuts. Perhaps a result of less emotional awareness and whatnot? Anyhow...

Garbad
Garb makes a good point there. You wont really heal if you still hang out with her. Itll just mess up with your mind, and it looks like its doing it. If you really want to be friends her, 6 months sounds good. Or whenever you truly feel you've gotten over it. It might take longer, or maybe less.

As for girls recovering faster, I dont know, I guess its all relative on who it is. It may apply to guys as well. I believe that some girls might look like they're all fine and dandy so quickly, but they havent. They just have a different way to cope with things. Atleast that is why Ive learned from my female friends. I still find it hard to believe, but they havent been wrong... yet.

It may be a result due to the fact that they've been getting over it even before the official breakup. In my case, I think thats what happened. She tried to get back on track in our relationship on her own. I knew something was wrong, talked to her about it, but she didnt want to talk, telling me nothing is wrong. Yes I know, girls saying "nothing is wrong" means, "EVERYTHING IS WRONG DAMMIT!", but there is just so much I could do. I really did try. I guess didnt hard enough.
 

Aeval

Diabloii.Net Member
DrunkCajun said:
Finally, do yourself a favor and go buy Swingers and watch it a few times. The first time will be painful as hell, but by the second you'll be quoting it every 5 mintues, and moreover it has some insight for you into your current situation.
Hahahahaha.

so true, so true. great movie.
 

aznbboi16

Diabloii.Net Member
~Kazama Fury~ said:
It may be a result due to the fact that they've been getting over it even before the official breakup. In my case, I think thats what happened. She tried to get back on track in our relationship on her own. I knew something was wrong, talked to her about it, but she didnt want to talk, telling me nothing is wrong. Yes I know, girls saying "nothing is wrong" means, "EVERYTHING IS WRONG DAMMIT!", but there is just so much I could do. I really did try. I guess didnt hard enough.
Exact same thing happened to me about a year ago. Just don't believe anything that girls say. /slight sarcasm

As for what to do, try to find people to talk to, busy yourself with work, games, working out, etc and if things get really ugly seek counseling. Ease yourself back into the dating scene when you feel ready. Make yourself comfortable around girls. Date casually and soon enough you'll be back on your feet and you may even find a keeper.

What I did was play games. I used to play d2 very casually, so I guess what happened a year ago is what got me really addicted to this game. I played just about anything I could get my hands on. Having some friends to talk to is a real helper too. Whether it's just blowing off steam or having a laugh, having a good social network is probably the best way to get over it.
 
As said, you don't.

Get some good sappy "I just lost my girl" music(Weezer is a good choice) and totally lose it for a few days. Then try and make your routine as different as possible, no matter what it is. The way you drive to work, what you normally eat, etc etc. Then somehow or another it all works out.
 

Mecal

Diabloii.Net Member
Johnny6 said:
Chew gum. Preferrably stawberry.
I second that, strawberry flavored gum is quite possibly the greatest flavor ever.

aside from that, work out.
it'll take your mind off stuff, and you can get buff in the process, and ladies luv teh buffness. ;)
 

AeroJonesy

Diabloii.Net Member
About a year ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years. The best way for me to get over her was to not talk to her for a little while, and to do my own thing. I got a gym membership, and started running, and hung out with other friends. I also realized that I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without having to worry about what she thought anymore. That liberated me a lot and let me enjoy life.

I'm still really good friends with her now though, she used to be the love of my life, and we devoted a lot of time to each other, so we still care for each other a lot, just as friends now.

So the real solution is to find a hobby, and kill some time. Think about the money you used to spend on your girlfriend, and drop a little on yourself if you can afford it. Find something to do with that extra freetime you've got now. Just don't feel sorry for yourself. No one wants to hang around a moper, and other girls aren't going to find it attractive. It's a great time to explore what being single, and being yourself is all about. :)
 

GIR

Banned
Step 1: Download the song by Worm Quartet called "Great Idea for a Song." I can provide a link if you need it later on.

Step 2: Pick up or Download albums by Bella Morte.

Step 3: Spend a few days listening to the above.

Step 4: Get yourself out to a local club, with friends if possible.

Step 5: Consume a healty dosage of liquid courage.

Step 6: Pick the drunken apple of your eye in the aforementioned club, and hope to hell she's still cute in the morning.
 

Riegn

Diabloii.Net Member
GIR said:
Step 6: Pick the drunken apple of your eye in the aforementioned club, and hope to hell she's still cute in the morning.

and if shes not ... hope you wake up first and sneak out
 

StarStageGurl

Diabloii.Net Member
Tor said:
Girls have it easier on breakups
I can't believe my eyes!! LIES!!!!! We have other methods.

awww TheAmoeba, only time can heal an emotional wound. :( *hugs!* I agree with what a lot of people said. Until you can talk to her without all these scary emotions flying about, you should stop trying to be her friend. You can always be friends later, now, you need to focus on your life, not hers. Yea yea, you might say that you're not doing so, but it's inevitable. You will want to know what's going on in her life, especially her love life. So...good luck:)

I think something really simple like a walk will make all the difference when you're sad. It's my medicine for sadness. Also, don't limit yourself to only making female friends:p, that's the impression I'm getting so far. I realized how very much I had been missing after I had a bad breakup about a year ago. The first step to feeling better is wanting to, :) you've got that. Good luck!

Oh, ever think about learning a new instrument? Playing a new sport?
 

KnightFall

Diabloii.Net Member
I've never got over my first love. Been about 5 years now. I never went out with her, she's my mates GF! But sssshhhh don't tell anyone... I met her before he did and fell for her, but before I did anything about it they got together. Never regreted anything as much I my whole life. Still, she's happy, so fair enough...

I'd post a picture but I cant figure out a way of extracting one from acrobat reader slide show thingie...

KnightFall
 
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