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Freebie Giveaway (some nice items)

Discussion in 'Necromancer' started by Moridin, Apr 1, 2004.

  1. Moridin

    Moridin IncGamers Member

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    Freebie Giveaway (some nice items)

    These items are for USEast Ladder only.

    Got this off of Anya:
    Gale Tower
    Hierophant Trophy
    +2 Poison/Bone skills
    +30% Faster Block Rate
    +20% Increased Chance of Blocking
    +2 Iron Golem
    +1 Summon Resist
    Fire resist +5%
    Some other minor mods

    Got a couple of Stormshields...maybe a few Shakos...Homunculuses...Arm of King Leorics, Shaftstops, Vipermagis...and lots more. Looking to clean out some of my mules, and I thought this would be a good way :D. BTW, already donated a bunch of items to the Necro fund, so I just decided to do this.

    This is for free, up for grabs. BUUUUT...
    Tell me a story to make me laugh :lol: . Can be made up, real, doesn't have to involve Diablo 2. Add at the end of your story what item you want (nothing unreasonable (no Enigmas/Hotos!), and if I like your story I'll let you know.

    Good luck and have fun!
     
  2. Moridin

    Moridin IncGamers Member

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    Actually also, not just stories, phrases or sayings or pictures or absoulutely ANYTHING that would make me laugh/feel amused :).
     
  3. SoulPaw

    SoulPaw IncGamers Member

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    heres one kinda =):

    Bro Billy was rounding a out a 1200 mile day when he thought he'd pull over for the night. Just a short ways up ahead he saw a billboard stating “Rats *** Saloon, 45 miles aheadâ€. He figured what the hell, he would push his old shovel hard and be there in a little under half an hour.
    Walking in he notes the sign above the bar stating,

    “Welcome to the Rats *** Saloon & Bordello, Meanest Joint in the West!!!â€

    Well, Bro Billy walks up to the bar and loudly proclaims himself, “I'm Bro Billy, the meanest, nastiest Son of a B**ch around†and proceeds to tell the bartender that he would like 2 long neck brews and the meanest, nastiest ***** he had to offer. Well the barkeep proclaims as he toss's Bro Billy the key to room 26, that'd be Wicked Wanda, she be the meanest fer sure! And nasty, well, you'll see.

    Bro Billy scoffs as he grabs his brews and heads up to room 26. Just as he gets ready to kick the door, it opens and before him stands Wicked Wanda, the finest, most pleasing specimen of a woman he's ever seen, completely nude. Drawn back, but keeping his composure, he belts out, I'm Bro Billy, the meanest, nastiest, baddest Mother ****er around!! Well, Wicked Wanda gives him the once over, looking him up and down an noticing his 2 longneck brews, grins, turns around, bends over, and spreads her *** wide apart. Bro Billy steps back and says “Whoa, Hold on there a minute, I might be bad, but I aint inta that greek ****â€. Wicked wanda looks around and laughingly yells out,
    “What the f*ck are ya talking 'bout? I thought ya might wanna open up yer beers!!!!!

    i dunno if this is too much to ask for, but i need ss, shako, and shaft..
    but if u want, i can tell more stories or stuff for the items =) lol
    my account is *ICB2 or *ICB
     
  4. SoulPaw

    SoulPaw IncGamers Member

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    o ya.. i heard this one from a friend, but u mighta already heard of it:

    Why are nurses bad at giving blow jobs?


    They keep waiting for the swelling to go down!!
     
  5. SoulPaw

    SoulPaw IncGamers Member

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  6. SoulPaw

    SoulPaw IncGamers Member

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    A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

    The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

    "What's that Paw?" The boy asked.

    "I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.

    Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

    The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

    They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

    The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"
     
  7. Blklblsk8r84

    Blklblsk8r84 Banned

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    Jokes hmmm... non at the moment but i was wondering if u happen to have arachnids mesh(spider web sash) cuz i need this like crrrrraaaaaaazzzzzzyyyyy this is the last item that i need to complete my necro with i have things to trade with u on uswest nonladder i offer gul, wizspike,gaze, wf,ss and some other stuff for it, and if anyone else mite have it will be a honor if would want to trade with me for it(i spent 4 hours looking for it last nite)

    -WalrusPK :buddies:
     
  8. Fable13

    Fable13 IncGamers Member

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    Ok Ok =) Im Not Sexist Towards All You Women Out There This One Just Made Me Chuckle =)

    Why Shouldnt Women Be Able To Drive?

    Because There Is No Road Between The Bed Room And The Kitchen!!!








    Id Like A Shako Or Shafty Please > <
     
  9. synth

    synth IncGamers Member

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    Here's one that's pretty amusing

    Dear Sir,

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

    Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

    Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

    At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

    I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11.
    As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.

    The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope!

    I'd like a Stormshield or a Shako, por favor.
     
  10. dairymizzan

    dairymizzan IncGamers Member

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    whats the diff. between a jewish car and a normal car... a jewish car not only stops on a dime... it picks it up as well...

    if thats not good enough tell me... i actually want to be a comedian when i grow up but nothings coming to my head at the moment... i would like a shako plz or maybe an occulus if you have one...thanks
     
  11. Arcanis Planeswalker

    Arcanis Planeswalker IncGamers Member

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    Well, I'm not all that great with jokes ... but here is the latest one I know:

    How do you make holy water?
    Boil the hell out of it.

    Heh, that one made me chuckle. ^_^

    Whichever of these you want to donate would be great: Gale Tower, Homunculus, Shako, and Arm of King Leoric
     
  12. Tardles

    Tardles IncGamers Member

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    I'll give you a few:

    What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

    One's made out of plastic and is dangerous to children, the other can be used to carry groceries.


    There's a sign outside of Neverland Ranch that says "You must be this high to ride Michael!"

    The federal government is trying to decide whether The FBI, the CIA, or the Los Angeles Police Department is the most effective at apprehending criminals. The issue is to be decided with a test - a rabbit is put in a forest and each organization has to find it.
    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!


    If you could spare any of these: Arm, Shaft, SS, Homo, or Shako, I'd be grateful.

    Thanks.
     
  13. FattyMcGee

    FattyMcGee IncGamers Member

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    here's another MJ joke:

    What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?


    They both like to stick their meat in between 10 year old buns!!!

    Ok, so that was a bit inappropriate... :creep:

    Anyway, I've got some really funny websites as well. Check em out!!


    Funny signs:
    http://www.theboxset.com/Message.htm


    Ryan's Steakhouse Story:
    http://shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm


    Peter Pan's "real" homepage (this one had me on the ground laughing):
    http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/


    and, just in case you've been in a hole in the ground for the past 2 years and didn't know what Strong Bad email is.... I'll include that too :)
    http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html




    I actually don't want any East ladder items, as I only play West currently. If you happen to have some West items, go ahead and pm me or whisper me online (acc is *thefatty). Otherwise, enjoy my joke/links and have a great day!


    --fatty
     
  14. memememe173

    memememe173 IncGamers Member

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    I'm on West...but I'll tell you this story any way...in a nm baal game...Necro was using...Max Blood Golem and Max Weaken :lol:
     
  15. EyeOfTheStorm

    EyeOfTheStorm IncGamers Member

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    Heres a proverb

    Thers 2 bulls sitting on the top of a hill that is overlooking a valley full of female cows. The one bull says to the other "lets run down ther and f*** us one of those cows. The other bull says "y dont we walk down ther and f*** em all."

    If u could spare an ss or shako plz
     
  16. Mad Mantis

    Mad Mantis D2/3 Necromancer & Witch Doctor Moderator

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    That's not funny, that's criminal.
     
  17. gvandale

    gvandale IncGamers Member

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    I just got this today:

    Smart-*** Answer #1

    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

    Smart-*** Answer #2

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

    Smart-*** Answer #3

    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

    Smart-*** Answer #4

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads 'Low bridge ahead! .' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

    and finally:

    Smart-*** #5, THE TEACHER Smart-*** Answer OF THE YEAR

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
     
  18. memememe173

    memememe173 IncGamers Member

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    GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Now let me tell you a story bout a man name Jeb...
     
  19. Moridin

    Moridin IncGamers Member

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    Wow, so many requests for SS/Shaft/Shako...I was expevting more requests for Necro items. Well, I'm pretty sure that everyone that asked for a Homunculus/Arm of King Leoric can get one, those of you asking for SS, I only have one to give, other is on the Necro fund mule, I have tons of upgraded Shaftstops and a few Ethereals, not sure which I'd give up. As for Shako, I don't even know if I have one to give up.

    I don't know how I'm going to choose who gets the most demanded items, probably do a draw or something...as for Tardles and Arcanis Planeswalker, you can either receive either Arm of King Leoric or Homunculus or get a chance for Shako/SS/Shaft.

    Oh, and for future, not so many Shako/SS/Shaft demands please :). I'm not at home now so I can't deliver the items, I'll post when I'm on.

    As for gvandale, that joke was hilarious...you can keep the Ethereal Bonehew for that :lol:. Also have a 3 Sock Ethereal Tomb Reaver...really low ED though, less damage than the Bonehew, I can maybe lend it if you want...just got a BOTD spear for my merc :flip: . Also have some other stuff like x/x/20 Vamp Gaze and stuff your merc can use.
     
  20. phatskat

    phatskat Banned

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    i have a joke 4 u

    why arent i have a shako and arm of leoric, because that guy hasent give them 2 me yet! but really. . . will u?
     

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