*swaggers in, covered in sweat and pencil shavings*
Real Life is indeed a hard game. I just finished a side quest called Comics for Tokyopop. Supposedly, if I've done it right, I get a bunch of "money" and my "fame" meter goes up a few points. Now that I've had a chance to rest, on with the show.
Rain poured down on the miserable encampment, transforming the animal-trodden dirt into mush. Here and there, female rogues busied themselves with fortifying their gates, cleaning weapons, and sharing the latest gossip.
Suddenly, in the middle of the enclosure, the campfire roared to life. Out of the fire, several forms fell to the ground, shocking the daylights out of Warriv, the caravan leader. A hulking beast of a creature stood to survey the new surroundings, along with an Eastern warrior, several rotting skeletons, and a pale, skinny man with white hair.
Kashya, the camp's military strategist, came quickly to investigate.
Kashya: What's going on here? Who are you, and what are you doing here?
*sound of several bowstrings being pulled taut*
Darken_Rahl: .... No.... ..... No no no......
Fred: ... This place familiar to you, boss?
Golem: .... Rarr rarr ra raaar....
Rahl: I KNOW it looks like we've been here, stupid! That's because we've BEEN here!! TWICE! Don't you even remember!?
Golem: *shoulders slumped from being called "stupid"* ...Rar..
Kashya: Explain yourselves immediately, or I'll have you executed right now, outlander.
Rahl: You know, if I had 10 gold pieces for every time you've called me "outlander"--
Kashya: Prepare to attack, ladies!
Fred: Whoa whoa!! My, uh, friend here is a little confused. Can you tell us where we are?
Kashya: You're in the Rogue's camp, the last bastion of order in these forsaken lands--
Rahl: And the dead now walk the earth, your monastery has been desecrated, and Charsi's a total ditz. Sound about right?
Kashya: I... uh... yes. How'd you--
Rahl: Never mind. Why am I even talking to you? I know what I'm supposed to do. Bye.
*party walks out of camp without another word*
Kashya:... Oh yeah... he's goin' down!
Silently, the group emerged into familiar territory.
Rahl: Tyrael will wish he'd been killed in the Sin wars after I get through with him.
Fred: Can't say I blame you. I-- whoa! Check out that quill rat over there! He has, like.... 5 auras surrounding him!
Rahl: Aura schmaura. Go kill it. It's only a quill rat, you know.
*quill rat shoots a quill at Fred*
Fred: UagaahhhH!!!! *dies*
Rahl: .... *blink blink* *looks to the skies* I hate you, Tyrael.
And so, after resurrecting Fred (several times), Rahl and his "men" arrived at their destination, the Den of Evil. The beasts inside were fierce, and the fight was long. At last, every enemy was vanquished, and they all returned to the encampment.
Akara: Greetings. I am Akara, high priestess of--
Rahl: I cleared out the Den of Evil for you.
Akara: --the Sightless Eye. I--.... what? You did?? When?
Rahl: Just now.
Akara: When??
Rahl: Now.
Akara: Now?
Rahl: Now!!
Akara: .... Wow! You've restored my faith in--
Rahl: Uh huh, great. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something.
*Rahl's eyes are fierce with intensity*
Rahl: What do you know about... the archangel Tyrael?
Lord Rahl and Akara talked deep into the night, until finally Rahl thanked her and went to his bedroll. For the first time in what felt like ages, he fell asleep peacefully. He dreamed of what he wished to accomplish, and when morning came, he awoke with a self-satisfied grin...