Forum Crash: Lord Rahl Strikes Back!

burke615

Diabloii.Net Member
Well done, K_P! (Or is that "extra crispy"? :p )

On a side note: I have the last two episodes before the squid attack which I rescued from my work computer's Internet cache, and I'm presently looking for the rest on my home computer - not sure if I'll find them. Would you like me to post, PM, or e-mail them to you?

Cheers!
Burke
 

Borlag

Diabloii.Net Member
Nightfish said:
As for the stony issue... Well, I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that I haven't read the grand tour. When I joined there was already part 6 or something and somehow that scared me off. "what, 6 of these huge threads? I'll never get around to read them all, better run away like 1.09 char seening a quill rat..." :teeth: Now it's too late as the squid ate everything. :(

Fishy, you're not the only one who was scared off by that...I didn't find the original stories anywhere so I though I might aswel skip the whole thing since I hate knowing only a part of the story
 

tragor

Diabloii.Net Member
Damn. The Darken Chronicles are great and I've really enjoyed them.

Now I have to try to find out what's going on in the Grand Tour, too? Between K_P and Stony I can see I'll have even less game time than usual now.

Keep up the great stories guys.
 

Stony

Diabloii.Net Member
Wow, I've generated controversy. Is that why everyone's staring? *checks fly*

I'm not offended, I think these stories are great. The spacing is better here, I keep trying to do things vaguely literally, but the indents I put in my Word documents don't come out on the forum. Also... the sheer mass of the Grand Tour has gotten to be kind of intimidating. Some people who've come in late have had to devote two or three whole work days to catching up. This might be taken as tooting my own horn on someone else's story thread, but if anyone wants to see the other 6 tours, Orbert has archived them on his site. I'll post the address in the Grand Tour thread.

As for Bodiccea meeting Darken Rahl, I'm not sure they'd have much to say to one another. As far as she's concerned, Necros are wimpy and pale and gross, and he might think even less of her. Hmm... it's possible that he might try to kill her and make a Boobie Golem out of the remains. Might have some unusual combat abilities, but he'd have to keep a close eye on Fred from then on.

Stony
 

Kung Poo

Diabloii.Net Member
burke615 said:
Well done, K_P! (Or is that "extra crispy"? :p )

On a side note: I have the last two episodes before the squid attack which I rescued from my work computer's Internet cache, and I'm presently looking for the rest on my home computer - not sure if I'll find them. Would you like me to post, PM, or e-mail them to you?

Cheers!
Burke
A double post? I daresay yes, I've made one. Just saw this, Burke. Yes, please do PM me with those episodes. I'll tack it on a future episode as sort of a rehash.
 

Mage11

Diabloii.Net Member
Hey, K_P. Another good update to a fun & enjoyable story.

To those interested in Stony's Grand Tour, I do recommend it - the writing is really good, and you will learn about some details of the game that you have probably never noticed. Be prepared to spend a week catching up, though.
 

Disco-neck Ted

The Dark Library
Arrrgggghhhh! What do you mean this wasn't backed up? Surely someone copied them out to read while offline? Surely you wrote them in Word and can restore the autosave? Surely you can somehow reproduce the magic and conjure the tales once again from the depths of your crusty unconscious?

And, yeah, I am calling YOU Shirley!


Sorry about the loss of your work. Having read a fair amount of this and the Grand Tour, although not any recent bit of lord Rahl's adventures, alas, it is worth mentioning that both are VERY funny. But they can only be compared with difficulty. It's like asking whether Rocky is better than Bullwinkle. The world is just a funnier place with both moose and squirrel.
 

Kung Poo

Diabloii.Net Member
Hehe, thanks for the kind words. No forum crashes can rid this world of moose and squirrel!

And now, on with the show.


A red, glowing portal opened, pouring our hero and his faithful followers onto the steps of the barbarian city, Harrogath.

Malah: I, Malah, welcome you to Harrogath.

Rahl: Can I have a resist scroll?

Malah: I... what? What're you talking about?

Rahl: Don't play dumb with me. I know you're hiding one of those nifty scrolls, and if I'm gonna save this dump, I'm gonna need it. Hand it over.

Malah: How dare you--!

Qual Kehk: Is there trouble here?

Rahl: Ah, the leader. How about you tell me a shortcut to getting to the Ancients, so I can get this over with.

Qual Kehk: That information is none of your business, not that I know. And even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a pasty-faced halfling like yourself. Now be gone.

Rahl: *waves his hand in the air* I implore you to reconsider.

Qual Kehk: ... Hmm.... Okay! Take this map. It should lead you directly to the resting place of the Ancients.

Rahl: Thanks. Bye.

Malah: *sweat drop*

*a little distance away*

Fred: ...How'd you do that??

Rahl: I share my secrets with no one. Now come, let's go.


And so, taking the provided route, they made haste to the summit of Arreat. Once there, they beheld the statues of the Ancients.

Rahl: Ummm... the pillar thing doesn't work.

Fred: Huh? What's that mean?

Rahl: It means that I touched the pillar, and this time, nothing's happening. The Ancients are supposed to come out when I touch it.

Fred: Maybe there's a password or something?

Rahl: Umm... ok, I'll try something. *clears throat and holds his arms up to the sky* Open sesame!!

Fred: .... That the best you've got?

Rahl: Shhh! I'll try again. Mikka likka hi mikka hiney ho!!

Fred: *slaps his forehead*

Rahl: Wait wait, I've got one more. Klattu!! Veratta!!! N--!

Ancients: Oh shut up already! We're here. Prepare to do battle, trespasser!

Rahl: Come get some.


And thus, the battle ensued. Luckily, Rahl's army of skeletons easily dispatched the three guardians, and upon resurrecting Fred, the hearty band made their way into the Worldstone Keep...


Ok, yes, I cheated with the whole "map to Ancients" thing, so sue me. There's much more fun planned for Hell difficulty, so I figured I'd fast forward a bit to get us there quicker. Anyway.... stay tuned....
 

Huorn

Diabloii.Net Member
Whoa, that was quick! I just saw the entire Act V pass before my eyes! :D

Edit: Btw, I'd be interested to host Dark_Rahl's adventures on my website. What'd do you say?
 

Stony

Diabloii.Net Member
Squirrel fly very fast! He must have seen Boris Badenov skulking around in the Bloody Foothills. This look bad for Moose, who is still slogging through Act I Normal. But the Squirrel always was the faster of the two. :p

Stony
 

Kung Poo

Diabloii.Net Member
The keep of the worldstone held countless minions, as Rahl had already seen in the past. However, there were many new faces around these days.. and several he'd never suspected to see again...


Fred: *huff huff* Claw vipers?? Since when did they hang out in snowy mountains??

Rahl: And they have the audacity to cast necromantic spells at us?? It's an insult! It's a disgrace! It's a--

Group of skeletal knights: Hello Poppet.

Rahl: Uhh ghha ghhh.... ob-bl-bl-blivion knights?? And who're you calling a "poppet"!??

*iron maiden*

Rahl: ..... Ha! I don't even use pitiful melee skills, so your pathetic iron maiden spell won't work, you fools! Wait... ummm.. skellies, stop hitting them. Stop it!! You're only hurting yourselves!!! Stop--

*skeletons crumble to pieces*

Oblivion Knights: Hehhehehehehh.... not so tough now, are we?

Rahl: *seething in rage, everything takes a red tint in his vision*

*casts attract on a harpy watching the scene nearby*

Oblivion Knights: ...Huh?? Hey look! A hot chick!

Harpy: Wha? Hey, what're you doin!?

Oblivion Knights: Heheh, hey baby! Nice outfit. You look a little cold, though. We can warm you up!!

Harpy: Agh!! Get away, you bony freaks!!

Oblivion Knights: You have no idea, sugar!!

Rahl: *attract on a whole gaggle of harpies, amplify damage on oblivion knights*

Fred: *watching the one-liners and carnage ensue* That was ingenious, boss.

Rahl: Gets 'em every time.

Unknown voice: Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Aahhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Rahl: .... I know that laugh...

Baal: *badly dubbed voiceover, old japanese kung fu movie style* Ha! Now you face the wrath of my ninja warriors! Attack them!!

Rahl: *points at Baal, and hears the sound of a whip cracking* I will defeat you, evil demon! Prepare to die!!

Fred: Whaaataah!!!


And with each new wave of... ermm... ninjas.... Lord Rahl and his newly born army of skeletons slaughtered them, until at last, the Lord of Destruction cowered through a portal. Rahl pursued, and beheld the chamber of the worldstone... again....


Baal: Ha! You think you have won, but I have a trump card! Doppleganger, lend me your powers!!

*explosion with cheesy special effects*

Pseudo-Baal: Ha ha ha ha ha! Now you meet your demise, creeps!

*decrepify*

Pseudo-Baal: Curses! Foiled again!!

*long battle ensues, with many whip-cracking sounds and badly dubbed punches.... even though there are weapons being used instead of punches....*

Baal: Bleehhhhhh.... blahhhhhhhrghhhh.... *belch* blahahhhhhhhH!!!!

Fred: ..... eww.... Hey look, shiny stuff!! GIB ITAMZ!!!

Tyrael: Well hello.

Rahl: We meet again at last. When I left you, I was but a beginner. Now, I am the master.

Tyrael: Only a master of evil, Rahl. I see your arrogance is just as horrible as ever. Tell me, are all mortals insolent braggards?

Rahl: Nope. Just me, baby. Just me.


And with that, a loud clap of light blinded Rahl and his minions, and time and space no longer held any meaning. For a split second, he felt his innards contract, and he had the sensation that he'd taken a portal of some sort. But... to where???


Oh yeah, lots of coolness abounds... and lots of cheesiness. We loves it, don't we preciousss.... Yessss..... Stay tuned, hobbitsess....
 

strijdje

Diabloii.Net Member
Oblivion Knights: ...Huh?? Hey look! A hot chick!

Harpy: Wha? Hey, what're you doin!?

Oblivion Knights: Heheh, hey baby! Nice outfit. You look a little cold, though. We can warm you up!!

Harpy: Agh!! Get away, you bony freaks!!

Oblivion Knights: You have no idea, sugar!!



:teeth: great stuff, as usual, although im really eager to know where lord rahl is taken too now... ow and Gib itamz fred is :thumbsup:
haha
 
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