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Figures

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Dutchman, Aug 30, 2006.

  1. Dutchman

    Dutchman IncGamers Member

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    Figures

    My wife went to visit her Aunt, took the kids, took the dog. I had the house to myself, plenty of beer consumed, liberal amounts of excessive testical scratching, was a nice change of pace night.

    I woke up this morning with a HUGE kink in my shoulder. My body is so used to sleeping with one ***-cheek hanging on the floor and my head stuck between the edge of the bed and the nightstand that it got confused by this concept of an entire bed to itself. Cleary, unbenknownst to my sleeping self, I curled up in the phoetal position, alone and afraid, then jammed my right arm up over my shoulder then around my knee, off the side of the bed, under the bed, up the other side, then under my back. That is the only explanation for the pain I'm feeling.

    Sigh
    Dutch
     
  2. Amra

    Amra IncGamers Member

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    Clearly more beer is needed.
     
  3. Johnny

    Johnny Banned

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    Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
     
  4. Dutchman

    Dutchman IncGamers Member

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    I figure that it will take exactly 47 beers consumed in 3 hours and 14 minutes to get my brain to the point where I might understand the physics surrounding how a hundred and twenty lb woman can take up 90% of any size bed leaving the 200lb man sleeping with his balls hanging out the side of the sheet.

    The interesting part of this penomenen is that the it holds true all the way from twin to King size. She somehow expands to require more room. If figure if I filled my entire house with Matress, I'd have about the equivalent of a closet that would be mine to sleep in.

    Dutch
     
  5. Ariadne

    Ariadne IncGamers Member

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    Part of the above is why I insisted on getting two matrasses when I moved together with my - by now ex - bf. I'm not exactly a light fairy, but he's an awful lot heavier than me, steals blankets and sleeps restless (not to mention snoring).

    In efford to get some sleep I have so far:
    - kicked him out of the bed. I really just wanted to tap his back and tell him to not lie on my matras. Failure - he was so asleep a light tap made him roll out of bed. No one was hurt during this.
    - kicked him in ham and eggs. Surely that wasn't part of the plan when I told him to stop snoring, and I really thought I was tapping his back. How was I to know it wasn't his back? I don't sleep with my glasses on.
    Good of this action: the snoring stopped. Downside: the wailing. appearantly it hurts.

    ....yes I was sorry and apologised several times, but I knew that wouldn't help either.
     
  6. HaLoPhReAk

    HaLoPhReAk IncGamers Member

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    By god!!! you immoral wrech!!:rolleyes: .. That must be the worst thing... being woken up at 3 in the morning with a kick strait in the balls....
     
  7. Sir EvilFreeSmeg

    Sir EvilFreeSmeg Banned

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    There is no explaining it. Although 47 beers in 3 hours and 14 minutes will give you insight into that and many other things. I love drunken philosophy
     
  8. Ariadne

    Ariadne IncGamers Member

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    if I were immoral I'd deliberatly have aimed for it to begin with, and I'd certainly not have apologized.
    I may be a wrech though. :undecided: After all we did split up (although this had nothing to do with being punched at night, because I never made a habit out of it, nor a hobby, these are the only two times in, what, five years?)
     
  9. caddad

    caddad IncGamers Member

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    I've been married nearly 9 years, and in that time we've probably spent 25 (tops) nights apart.

    I average 4.25 mins of sleep in those nights.

    -D2netDad
     
  10. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    Yeah, the bed feels empty when I'm the only one in it.

    Wretch.
     

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