Favorite Family Guy Quotes?`


Diabloii.Net Member
Favorite Family Guy Quotes?`

I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things like 'I told you so' or 'Stop doing that I'm asleep'.

Lois, when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.

Chris, everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that.


Diabloii.Net Member
Peter being in the rehab center with Brian...

"Whats your name?"

*Peter trying to think of a name looks around the room...*
*There is a pea!*
*Someone crying*
*Gryphon flies across the room*
"Gryphon! Pea-tear Gryphon!"


Diabloii.Net Member
chris: dad what would you say if i said i wanted to quit scouts.

Dad: i would say How come? then i would laugh, because i said come


Diabloii.Net Member
Welcome back lord helmet, haven't seen you in a while!

Diane : Well, Tom, the city of Boston is examining it's conscience tonight in preparation for a visit from the Pope.
Tom : That's right, Diane, [and I'll tell you what else will be examined... this cock!

Tom reaches under his desk and brings out a cockerel.

Tom : Yes, the Rhode Island Cock Society will be sponsoring free check-ups for this years Cock Awareness Week. Don't know why they went with such a suggestive name, they could just have easily gone with 'rooster'. Diane.


Diabloii.Net Member
Ha ha, that was trick gum! Now you are addicted to heroin!

hahah... I feel so cold...

My roomates favorite:

Show me potato salad!!!


Diabloii.Net Member
dance with me lois! DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE!!

Damn you vile woman! you have impeded my works every since the day i escaped from your wretched womb!

Damn clever mexicans and their glass candy


Diabloii.Net Member
"I just got a crazy idea!"
*sticks hand in sandwhich maker*
"I just got another crazy idea!"
*leaves to kidnap the pope"
I want pancakes! Damn you! You understand every language but english! Yo quiero Pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!

Oh poor little guy pancakes must be street slang for crack.


Diabloii.Net Member
Giggity Giggity

*stewie in womb: Today I have grown a new finger. That makes *looks down*; Eleven.


Diabloii.Net Member
Peter: Lois, are you pregnant?
Lois: No.
*Pushes Lois Downstairs*

Peter: Look Lois, it's the two symbols of the Republic party: an elephant and a fat white guy who's threated by change.


Diabloii.Net Member
Lois - "Oh Peter...Something bad always happens when you drink."

Peter - "Yea...Something bad...all the way to the bank!!"

Brian - "Nice."

peter:im looking for toilet training book?
book store guy:everybody poops but u is still the standard one, we also have the less popular nobody poops but you.
peter:see were catholic so uhhh?
book store guy:eek:h then you want your a naughty child and thats nothing but pure concentrated evil coming out the back end of you.

Stewie:It's not that i want to kill her...i just dont want her alive..anymore

Boyscout leader: Chris you have three days to earn a merrit badge or you are out of the scouts.

Peter:3 days, that's tomarrow!

Peter: Lois you'r acting like it's the first time I did somethin stupid. Hey remember when we were about to get that boat?
(10 minutes ago)
Peter: Lois, lets go with the mystery box. The boat is a a boat but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat, you know how much we've wanted one of those.
Lois: We'll go with the boat.
Peter: We'll take the box!
Salesman: The box is your's.
(10 minutes later)
Lois: Peter that was ten minutes ago.

iQuagmire:In the 80's i was always in bed by 8 .......... and home by 11! Oh!

Raft Boy

Diabloii.Net Member
Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says 'Oooooooo'.
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa--... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.

Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
(Lois giggles)
Peter: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Peter: Maybe you don't have to pee. I'll just give you some beer, it'll run right through you.
Stewie: Beautiful. And while we're at it we can light up a doobie and watch porn.
Peter: Rea... Really?

And of course, 'Oh, yeah!' from every family member followed by the Kool-Aid Man. :lol:

Death Merchant

Diabloii.Net Member
In the episode Peter thinks he's god, Meg's running and screaming down the stairs. And Stewie is bathing in a bathtub full of blood.
"How positively delightful! It is as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble!"


Diabloii.Net Member
My favourite quote has to be

beer commercial on tv: If you drink this bear you will have beautiful sclantly clad women throw themselves as you and demand sex.
Lois: This commerical is obviously made by men . .
Peter:Well of course its made by men. . . its a commercial, not a delicious turkey dinner.


Diabloii.Net Member
You gotta love Quagmire...

Girl(after sleeping with Quagmire): Glenn honey, I have a question for you. What do you do for a living?
Quagmire: I have a question for you. Why are you still here?

Cleveland: I feel guilty for doing all this polluting.
Quagmire: I felt guilty once but she woke up halfway through.

Quagmire(opens a bathroom stall, finds a tied up cheerleader): Dear diary: Jackpot!

Lois - "Oh Peter...Something bad always happens when you drink."

Peter - "Yea...Something bad...all the way to the bank!!"

Brian - "Nice."
That's one of my favorite lines in Family Guy :)