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Eth steel carapace

hi guys, I have a question about the ethereal steel carapace..
I read alot of the post here and alot of people prefer ethereal steel carapace, eth valor, stone, or duress when barb vs melee. I would get ethereal steel carapace if i can afford it but then wouldn't it be bm to use eth steel carapace because of the chance to cast iron maiden when struck? wouldn't it be unfair to the other melee player since there's almost no chance for him to win if he has iron maiden on him? If ethereal steel carapace armor is not the way to go, what one of the armor listed above would be most appropriate for good mannered duels(no bugged eth stone with indestructible or etc)? Thanks
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