Dumb things that you can blame on alcohol

Freemason

Banned
Dumb things that you can blame on alcohol

Tell us your tales of woe about some dumb thing you did recently that can be blamed on alcohol.

Last night I was riding in the trailer behind a riding lawn mower being driven wildly and badly by a drunken cowboy. You can guess what happened. Yup, I got dumped. He took a corner too quickly on a slope and the wagon rolled.

Naturally I tossed his drunken arse off the mower. Him being crazy, he hooked the wagon back up and jumped in. Now I'm the drunken maniac in control of the wheel :clap: About 5 minutes later I knock the tire off the rim and the ride came to an end.

Today I have a limp, bruises, cuts, scrapes and no idea where my hat is. Ah it was a good night.
 

giantpinkbunnyhead

Diabloii.Net Member
It's not a recent mistake chalked up to alcohol, but my last g/f would be one.

Funny story Smeg... reminds me of a story my dad told me. When he was 16 or 17, he and some buddies needed to get a big block engine to the mechanic's garage, but it wouldn't fit in anyone's car so they put it on a dolly and towed it down the street. My dad was "riding" the engine block, and the driver took a corner too fast, so the engine (and my dad) tumbled end over end down the street...
 

Freet

Diabloii.Net Member
I'll tell the whole stories later if you are interested, but what I remember right off hand is:

1) Pissing on an electric fence
2) Burning my leg and foot to the point of crippling me for 6 weeks.
3) Taking out a new picket fence in someones front yard with a 66 Dodge Monaco
4) Something about new Jeans getting ruined...Long story
5) Waking up in a hedge. Actually, it's a short story. I got drunk in a bar and woke up somehow in a strangers hedge. No clue to this day.

I could go on but after a while it gets embarassing. :rolleyes:
 
How's narrowly escaping spending the night in jail?

Leaving a DC United game at RFK, we walked to the metro station. I had hooked us up pre-game with a deal that included all you can drink and eat beer and hot dogs on the sidelines for 2 hours before the game, and we had managed to sneak about a dozen more beers back to our seats with us (thank god for learning all the fun places beer cans can be subtly stored on one's person back in college), so I was DRUNK. Like, getting into arguments with the people in the stands around me who had a problem with my addressing the referee as "hey ****head" every time I disagreed with one of his calls. At the top of my lungs, no less.

So we're arriving at the metro, and there are a bajillion morons crowding in, all taking their merry time to get down the numerous escalators, and in my drunken stupor I decide that the empty up-escalator looks like a better idea.

I dash down the up-escalator without much problem, get to the bottom and find a bench on which to wait for the train. Apparently Metro DC Police didn't like my use of the escalator, and followed me.

I was confronted by an officer, who lambasted me for taking the up escalator. A little incredulous, I offered an apology and (likely dropping F-bombs all over the place--I talk like a drunken sailor when drunk) asked what we were going to do about it--I couldn't exactly undo it.

This pissed her off, and she demanded I accompany her back up the escalator. I did so, and found myself standing face to face with 3 officers. Again, lambasted for going down the up-escalator, I again ask somewhat sarcastically what they propose to do--I acknoledged that I did it, shouldn't have done it, and wouldn't do it again. One cop in particular LOST it.

He lashed out at me verbally and just let me have it, and I wasn't too amused. I can't recall offhand what he was saying, because this is all a little fuzzy, but I pretty bluntly asked him if he was planning on arresting me, and if so, what for, as I wasn't aware of any laws against walking the wrong way on an escalator. At that point he accused me of being "extremely drunk". I asked how he could tell that, and he said he "could see it in my eyes." I literally laughed in his face. Sorry, I've never heard that one can "see it in a drunk's eyes" before, and my eyes were already bloodshot from wearing contacts outside on a windy day. So I then ask him what the problem is--I was 23, happy to show him my ID, and didn't realize that it was against the law to go out after work to a soccer game and enjoy a few beers. I even pointed out that I thought I was doing the right thing taking public transportation home rather than driving (he started suggesting I shouldn't take the Metro home).

At this point my fiancee spotted me--in my drunkenness I'd run off and abandoned her--and decided to try and help me out. She came up to the cop and started trying to explain for me and take me home. He stopped talking to me, and started telling her how drunk I clearly was blah blah. This sent me over the edge--he had no hard proof of my level of intoxication, and I wasn't too happy about his classification of me, so I started yelling at him. He ignored me and I yelled louder about him talking to her and not me, when she wasn't even involved in the situation. He basically told her to take me home in a cab or he would take me to jail. While she dragged me off, I continued yelling at him--I wasn't thrilled about taking a cab from a bad neighborhood, at night, with a young, attractive female, especially after already having paid for the Metro. Moreover, the cab was going to cost some $25, and that really ticked me off. Thankfully, Aeval dragged me away and kicked my ass later.

So yeah, I blame booze for that one. I'd been double fisting for most of the pre-game party and drinking beers half-beer gulps at a time after that. :teeth:
 

Garbad_the_Weak

Diabloii.Net Member
My my my, isn't alcohol grand. Turning normal responsible adults into property destroying fools. Maybe we should ban {muffled sounds come from the goats direction}

Garbad
 
Garbad_the_Weak said:
My my my, isn't alcohol grand. Turning normal responsible adults into property destroying fools. Maybe we should ban {muffled sounds come from the goats direction}

Garbad
Hell, Conservatism does the same thing. Let's ban that too.

Can we have a thread about alcohol without some puritan coming in and condemning us and drinking and turning it into a debate on prohobition? Please? I can recall three threads in recent memory debating that topic. How about you ressurect one of those so you can beat your dead horse some more, Garbad?
 

giantpinkbunnyhead

Diabloii.Net Member
Garbad_the_Weak said:
My my my, isn't alcohol grand. Turning normal responsible adults into property destroying fools. Maybe we should ban {muffled sounds come from the goats direction}

Garbad
Hey now, alcohol isn't always bad... it keeps one from having too much blood in the alcohol system.

Haven't you seen Family Guy? Remember how Peter can play the piano like a maestro, but only if he's drunk?

Who would we have to laugh at while at bars on the weekend, if not for the drunks?

What would help ugly guys get some action??
 

DrunkPotHead

Diabloii.Net Member
I hit on one kid's girlfriend right in front of him. Very persistently too. I wouldn't take no for an answer.

The kid just threatened to jump me but actually did nothing. I kind of felt bad for that wimp afterwards. He was bigger than me too...

Also, when i drink and take some other things, i become invincible. Immune to pain with infinite energy, i put the hurt on people that are three times my size.
 

Freemason

Banned
DrunkCajun said:
Can we have a thread about alcohol without some puritan coming in and condemning us and drinking and turning it into a debate on prohobition?
Nope. They have to come in and be self-rightous over alcohol. On sex, drugs, and other hedonistic behaviour they're not tee-totalers. What do you expect, consistancy? :lol:

I'll have to tell more tales of goofy behavior on Tuesday after I get back. My wife, kid and in-laws are on the other side of the state until Tuesday.

FREEDOM!!!!!
 

Arutha

Diabloii.Net Member
DWI's are expensive(especially when you total your car) but hey whats a new years without one right?
 
Arutha said:
DWI's are expensive(especially when you total your car) but hey whats a new years without one right?
Yeah, you're right, EVERY PERSON WHO DRINKS DRIVES DRUNK.

Oh, wait, you're showing your ignorance by making blind and sweeping accusations with absolutely no foundation in reality.

You know what else is expensive? Court fees from killing people with assault weapons. But hey, what's a year without some 14 year old taking one to school and mowing down his classmates, right?
 

Kawaii

Diabloii.Net Member
Code:
for(1..14)
    drink(beer, Kawaii);
if(senselessly_inebriated(Kawaii){
    make_out(ugly_fat_chick, Kawaii);
    throw_up(Kawaii);
    sleep(21600, Kawaii);
    feel_like(crap, Kawaii);
}
 
DrunkPotHead said:
Also, when i drink and take some other things, i become invincible. Immune to pain with infinite energy, i put the hurt on people that are three times my size.
I'm not afraid of too many guys that are around 330lbs. . .I'm assuming you're bigger than me so I would say beating up fat guys isn't very nice.
 

krzyhobo

Diabloii.Net Member
DrunkCajun said:
Yeah, you're right, EVERY PERSON WHO DRINKS DRIVES DRUNK.

Oh, wait, you're showing your ignorance by making blind and sweeping accusations with absolutely no foundation in reality.

You know what else is expensive? Court fees from killing people with assault weapons. But hey, what's a year without some 14 year old taking one to school and mowing down his classmates, right?
You have proven to me that it's possible to be offended by, and laugh at, the same idea at the same time. Amazing.
 

DrunkPotHead

Diabloii.Net Member
{KOW}Spazed said:
I'm not afraid of too many guys that are around 330lbs. . .I'm assuming you're bigger than me so I would say beating up fat guys isn't very nice.
I'm 5'7" and 140lb and i don't work out although i'm in good shape. (I run and play ball)

And the guys i went up against were a little below 6'0" 200lb, all muscular and work out.
 

Arutha

Diabloii.Net Member
DrunkCajun said:
Yeah, you're right, EVERY PERSON WHO DRINKS DRIVES DRUNK.

Oh, wait, you're showing your ignorance by making blind and sweeping accusations with absolutely no foundation in reality.

You know what else is expensive? Court fees from killing people with assault weapons. But hey, what's a year without some 14 year old taking one to school and mowing down his classmates, right?
I don't really know what your talking about, this new years was the dumbest thing that I can blame on alcohol, thats why I posted it. Luckly we were the only car on the road.
 

maccool

Diabloii.Net Member
You'll have to excuse DC, he's got CPWS - Chronic Panties in a Wad Syndrome. The only known cure is beer.
 
maccool said:
You'll have to excuse DC, he's got CPWS - Chronic Panties in a Wad Syndrome. The only known cure is beer.
Wine works too. Or whine. So long as I get some cheese with it. It's the darned French blood in me, I can't help myself.

*fights urge to surrender*
 
Top