Disciplining children

Stompwampa

Diabloii.Net Member
HockeyChic said:
@Stompwampa=How many kids do you have?
1 that I know about... :rolleyes:

HockeyChic said:
Please oh please hand down your wisdom!!!!

LOL! This stuff isn't rocket science.

My wife and I use timeouts for our daughter (2 1/2 year old) when she doesn't listen. First she gets a waring and we tell her she'll be on timeout if she does it again. If she does it again, we immediatley pick her up, and take her to the time out chair. We sit her down and say (sternly, without yelling)
"You're on timeout for _____. You need to listen to mommy and daddy."
After 2 1/2 minutes, we go get her. We tell her why she was on time out, and we ask for an apology. She says sorry, then we give hugs and kisses and say I love you, then back to play time.

If she gets out of the time out chair, we simply put her put her back and say "No, you're on timeout." If she gets out again, we put her back and don't say a thing to her. We continue that way untill she sits for a full 2 1/2 minutes. (we've never had that problem though)

And then we use a reward system for her when she does good things, like helping to pick up her toys, or telling us when she has to go potty. When she does that we tell her "Good job!" or something like that, and we let her do something she likes to do that we normally don't do.

It's pretty simple really, but it takes a lot of patience...but like I said, I'm no expert...we just watch Super Nanny on TLC :wink3:
 
Stompwampa said:
1 that I know about... :rolleyes:




LOL! This stuff isn't rocket science.

My wife and I use timeouts for our daughter (2 1/2 year old) when she doesn't listen. First she gets a waring and we tell her she'll be on timeout if she does it again. If she does it again, we immediatley pick her up, and take her to the time out chair. We sit her down and say (sternly, without yelling)
"You're on timeout for _____. You need to listen to mommy and daddy."
After 2 1/2 minutes, we go get her. We tell her why she was on time out, and we ask for an apology. She says sorry, then we give hugs and kisses and say I love you, then back to play time.

If she gets out of the time out chair, we simply put her put her back and say "No, you're on timeout." If she gets out again, we put her back and don't say a thing to her. We continue that way untill she sits for a full 2 1/2 minutes. (we've never had that problem though)

And then we use a reward system for her when she does good things, like helping to pick up her toys, or telling us when she has to go potty. When she does that we tell her "Good job!" or something like that, and we let her do something she likes to do that we normally don't do.

It's pretty simple really, but it takes a lot of patience...but like I said, I'm no expert...we just watch Super Nanny on TLC :wink3:
We use time outs as well. Not on the youngest, but the middle 2. The oldest gets sent to her room, so that's kind of a time out. However, the older they get the more difficult it becomes, trust me!!!! I'd love for some infinite book of wisdom to tell me what to do with the oldest sometimes. To be honest, Ski and I do have good kids. We just have those moments, like most parents do, when you have just reached your limit and don't know what else to do.

I'd love to send Super Nanny to my brother and sister-in-laws. Those 5 kids will be in jail before they learn how to drive.
 

Dutchman

Diabloii.Net Member
That is a good system Wampa, and if it has never failed you I at least consider you very fortunate.

We do the same with my son, but patience is not the only issue if the offense is pushing his baby sister over as she learns to walk, or if he is bothering the dog, or something along those lines. The issue is safety, and you can't patiently explain each time if a child returns to the same behaviour repeatedly after a time out if that behaviour is going to hurt someone.

Dutch
 

bg1256

Diabloii.Net Member
I really wish I could find my old articles to back this up, but I can't.

The behavior system employing positive and negative rewards has been proven to be much more effective than corporal punishment.

While I don't think it's wrong (nor should it be illegal) to use some forms of corporal punishment (such as a slap on the fanny), it's sorta silly to use that system when others have proven more effective.

Sounds like stomp has it down pat.
 

zodiac66

Diabloii.Net Member
I have swatted both kids on the butt. Mainly when they do something that puts their life in danger. There are times when I had Samara's hand in the parking lot and she breaks free running. That gets a swat.

Depending on the offence, I find that diversion works much better than time out.
 
What actually turns out to work for one child does not necessarily work for another. I managed to avoid physical punishment for the most part with my children, having administered it a few select times to my oldest--and having had nightmares about the look of fear in his face afterward. No more of that, it's just not my bag. From then on, and with the next 3 kids, I was either lucky enough to not have to discipline them very often, or perhaps I hit on the right combination of approaches for each one. Privileges can always be removed, bedtimes moved up accordingly, TV/Computer times restricted or abolished, outings postponed or cancelled...you name it, there are a ton of approaches. The trick is finding out what works for which child. For a couple of them, the girls particularly, it is usually enough for them to realize I'm disappointed.

As for other people physically punishing my children...I wouldn't let someone do anything, discipline-wise, to my kids that I wouldn't do myself.

Edit: Reading Zodi's post, I'll add that the one time I think the spanking I gave was warranted was when my younger son, at 4 years old, took an unsanctioned walk around the block by himself. It only took us a few minutes to track him down, but if I had to make him fear me to keep him safe, a spanking was worth the lesson learned.
 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
I have no problem with parents spanking their children (I don't know when it happened, but for some reason it's now not socially acceptable - like no-one gets that there's a difference between a smack and beating your children), but I find the idea of corporal punishment (some stranger doing it for you) profoundly disturbing and I'm still amazed that it was ever accepted practice in an otherwise (mostly) civilised country.

My parents smacked, but even though I was a real little bastard (in fact when I was very young I had huge problems with anger, I went around biting people apparently) smacks were rare. They didn't even actually hurt, it's purely a psychological thing. My mother would make me hold out my arm and slap me. Physically it's nothing, it's just to remind you who's boss; and it worked completely. Then again, my mother was a ruthless authoritarian and she could wilt you with a look.
 

Bortaz

Banned
HockeyChic said:
I'm kinda with you on that one. Anyone lays a hand on my kid had better be prepared. I won't tolerate that. Although, if my mother chose to spank one of my kids I likely wouldn't argue, they'd have it coming if they pushed her that far. She's pretty much the only one that could get away with it.

I used to be a public school teacher in a school district that did allow corporal punishment (highly moderated). When parents griped about it, I always responded:

"If you don't want your meanass kid spanked, teach him/her/it some discipline and boundaries YOURSELF. Don't just ship your brat off to me, and expect me to beg them to behave, when you let them run rampant and just use me as a babysitter."

Understand, I'm not saying this applies to you, HC, I just quoted you because you're the one who most plainly said you don't want anyone else to discipline your children.

My point is, why would you trust someone to teach/nurture your kids, but won't trust that same person to enforce rules/limits/behavior?
 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Wow, I'm surprised there are still places that do that.

If it was a public school, does that mean that the parents couldn't pull their kid out and send them to a different school if they didn't agree with it?

I don't know why a teacher would want to hit their students anyway, if they're so uncontrollable that nothing short of physical violence will get through to them then suspend or expel them.
 
Bortaz said:
My point is, why would you trust someone to teach/nurture your kids, but won't trust that same person to enforce rules/limits/behavior?
I'm fairly over-protective as a parent. I choose my kids' teachers every year. I choose to send them to the same school Ski and I grew up in because I know the families of the kids my kids will want to be friends with, and if I don't know them, I can find anything out whatever I need to know very easily. Even the first time Ski spanked our oldest (technically mine from my first marriage) I cringed. I just can't take it. As stupid as it sounds, this is my best explaination for it: I know how hard I'm smacking that behind, I don't know how hard the other person is smacking it. That probably doesn't make any sense, but that's all I got on why I feel the way I do. As far as my kids' behaviour in school, that is the one thing they fear us on--how they act in public. Not one the 3 oldest (so far, we have a long way to go yet) has ever gotten into trouble at school or elsewhere. The worst that has happened is getting their "card changed" once. That's a three card warning system that their teachers use. Each of them were devistated by that.
 

Isolde212

Banned
I was spanked and I really don't blame them. It was the only way and I mean only way I would ever actually pay attention to anything. Do I like the fact that I was spanked? not really? Do I understand why? Yes. I was the worst kid and kids don't come with instruction manuals. My parents literally tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. We were in therapy by the time I was 6. Once the ADHD diagnosis came back and I was getting help things got better. I appreciate the fact that they realized that maybe they should consult with someone else to get help with me. They never hurt me or abused but a good swat on the bum would definitely remind me who the boss was.
On the other hand my first grade teacher spanked in front of the entire class the first day of school and rapped my knuckles for weeks after that. I found that entirely inappropriate. I told my mom about it and she went down the school and told her off. Now that was a site! My little mom telling a nun in full habit off! Makes me laugh to think about it now.
 

myleftfoot

Diabloii.Net Member
MadMachine said:
I'm currently editing a decision sent in by the Ontario Superior Court of Justice in relation to the Farah Khan case and I came across an interesting bit of information from Canada's Criminal Code:



My interpretation of this is that corporal punishment by parents, guardians and even schoolteachers is protected by the Criminal Code. As long as you don't... y'know break any bones.

*swings around a bag of oranges*

What do people think of the topic in general?
I used to get slapped around my teachers, parents & siblings. It was never overboard so I've no qualms.
 

PFS

Diabloii.Net Member
In scotland it is now illegal for a parent to smack their own children. Careful where this leads in your country.

In the UK the probalem is that campaigners can't see the difference between smacking a child and beating a child unconscious - and so are trying (successfully) to get both banned. They produced a TV show last week about parents who smack their children and think it is the right thing to do - they basically choose three sets of parents who regulary beat their kids and portrayed this as smacking.

And the dumbest thing is - they argue for other forms of punishment like isolation putting the child on a 'naughty spot' and physically keeping them there until they submit - sounds cushy but what it boils down to is emotional and psychological abuse. It's like "Physical discipline is EVIL, a good parent emotionaly and psychologically abuses their children"
 

MadMachine

Diabloii.Net Member
As I stated before, what is and what isn't excessive is a really blurry line.

Slap across the face - excessive?

Slap on the butt - not excessive?

Grab on the arm and shake?

Dismember the child and hide their body in green garbage bags in a park by Lake Ontario in order to take advantage of an insurance policy - I'm thinking this is excessive. (that's the Farah Khan thing, for people who don't know.)
 

PFS

Diabloii.Net Member
MadMachine said:
As I stated before, what is and what isn't excessive is a really blurry line.

Slap across the face - excessive?

Slap on the butt - not excessive?

Grab on the arm and shake?
There's a blurry line - but most parents don't even approach it.

And it's normally clear when you see it when someone has stepped over it.
 

Dutchman

Diabloii.Net Member
It has been my experience that holding a toddler in a place they don't want to be while they pitch a fit is going to do more damage than a smack on the bum. That is one of my favorite ironies (sp? Dondrie help!) of the spanking vs. naughty chair or something similar debate.

Dutch
 

skihard

Banned
My 5th grade teacher used a wooden paddle on me and another kid in my class because we got in a fight. During the paddleing she spanked me and I refused to cry, she spanked the other kid and he laughed. It turned out that she kept going back and forth from my *** to his *** then back to my *** all the time getting more and more pissed, she ended up breaking this wooden paddle she had for years on the other kids ***. We just weren't going to let the other look tougher so when she asked if we learned our lesson and weren't going to fight anymore we kept saying no and that pissed her off.


@ Dutch - One of the other designers always says he got a spinny spanking, it is apparently where his mom would have his arm and he was trying to run away and as she spanked him she would end up spinning in a circle trying to keep up with him running basiclly around her because she had his arm.
 
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