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Cow Economics

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Talga Vasternich, Sep 19, 2006.

  1. Talga Vasternich

    Talga Vasternich IncGamers Member

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    Cow Economics

    DEMOCRATIC
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.
    REPUBLICAN
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?
    SOCIALIST
    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
    COMMUNIST
    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.
    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
    FLORIDA CORPORATION
    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the better looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one better accidentally vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure o ut how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tells you which one you think is the better-looking cow.
    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
    AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.
    FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.
    JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
    GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
    ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.
    RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
    TALIBAN CORPORATION
    You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
    IRAQI CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.
    BELGIAN CORPORATION
    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.
    POLISH CORPORATION
    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
     
  2. Sir EvilFreeSmeg

    Sir EvilFreeSmeg Banned

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    2000 called. They want their joke back
     
  3. Talga Vasternich

    Talga Vasternich IncGamers Member

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    *puts fake arrow on head*

    Well excUUUUUUUUUUse me!
     
  4. DurfBarian

    DurfBarian IncGamers Member

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    CAPITALISM, REPUBLICAN STYLE
    You have three cows. You send one cow to be tortured in Syria, and tell the second cow he doesn't deserve to be in your herd because he voted for the other farmer. The third cow lives in the pig sty but thinks you're the best farmer ever, because you tell him you protect him from invisible wolves.

    :p

    Once long ago we had this same thread, and I added an item for Tibanglander, our Filipino forumite:

    You have one cow. Imelda Marcos kills it and makes it into several hundred pairs of shoes.
     
  5. AeroJonesy

    AeroJonesy IncGamers Member

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    Let's all add our own cow jokes then!

    Suburban
    You have two cows.
    You dress them up like the farmers in American Gothic.
    You make a video.
    You show your video on TV.
    Your cows die of old age and you bury $400 worth of steak in your backyard.
     
  6. rare

    rare IncGamers Member

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    JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    Hahah, that was the most random one.
     
  7. S Z

    S Z IncGamers Member

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    World Of Warcraft

    You have no cows, n00b.
    You join a massive farming conglomerate.
    You now have two purple cows.
    Goverment nerfs Cows.
    You're still a n00b.
    Its fine, lrn2farm.
     
  8. jackthelad

    jackthelad IncGamers Member

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    Various comedy scriptwriters called. They want their witty reposte back.
     
  9. AeroJonesy

    AeroJonesy IncGamers Member

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    Mafia
    You have two cows.
    Give us your ******* cows or we'll kill you.
     
  10. Ariadne

    Ariadne IncGamers Member

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    Home cooperation Zaanstad:
    In this letter we mention you can obtain a cow. Please pick up cow.
    If you come to pick up your cow, we will tell you you're not allowed to have a cow.
    :undecided:

    My work
    We need a good cow for this job. We have the description for what the cow would be like. We give that description to staff management.
    And then we get milk.....
     
  11. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    This one is a bit more realistic than yours.


    BELGIAN CORPORATION
    You have 3 cows.
    One cow is Walloon, 2 cows are Flemish.
    The Walloon cow says i am the master and you are the servants.
    The Walloon cow says give me 80% of your milk.
    The Flemish cows give 80% of their milk while licking the Walloon cows ***.
     
  12. Machina

    Machina IncGamers Member

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    British Corporation

    You have 3 cows.
    One is ill and seeks free medical care. Is cured for aforementioned illness but contracts MRSA and dies, or should that be BSE?
    You now have 2 cows one of which demands self-determination and runs away whilst maintaining the right to determine who rules the other cow.
    An evil Scottish type with a bizarre jowl defect steals your third cow, but he can be trusted, his name is Prudent.
    You now have no cows left, but you can always buy a cheap house in Spain.


    I apologise for mine requiring intricate knowledge of the British political system, Tony would not however, these complexities ensure high employment figures.
     
  13. HAMC8112

    HAMC8112 IncGamers Member

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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  14. Dawnmaster

    Dawnmaster IncGamers Member

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    BELGIAN CORPORATION
    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.

    Don't you just love being a Belgian :laugh:
     
  15. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    A few that were missed (found them while looking for the Australian one):

    REAGANOMICS
    You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull. You take out a huge loan on the cow, and ignore both the cow and the loan from that point on. Then, you try to milk the bull and blame the Japanese for its lack of production.

    ENRON CORPORATION
    You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholders who sell the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option to buy one more.

    I couldn't find the Australian one I remember, but as I recall it went like this:

    AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows. You try to make them do the work of eight cows and then wonder why they both drop dead.

    There's a pile of them here, I didn't check them out though.

    :thumbsup:

    I've seen enough British satire to get most of that actually.
     
  16. Sokar Rostau

    Sokar Rostau IncGamers Member

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    I think the Australian one might go:

    Australian Amalgamated Union of Cows
    You have six cows
    Two cows take a smoko' break every hour
    One cow is taking a sickie
    Two cows go to the pub for lunch and come back drunk
    The sixth cow is a Brahmin so doesn't understand The Australian Way
    You fire the drunk cows
    The other four cows go on strike in protest
    The sheep and horses strike in sympathy
    You invite hard working Brahmins to work as scab labour
    The Government stops them at the border and sinks their ship
    Photos are circulated 'proving' they were not very good cows
    The Government then sends your Brahmins to a desert island for 'processing'
    With your business at a standstill you rehire the drunk cows to end the strike
    You give them all a pay rise
    Your single Brahmin takes up smoking
    You shout all the cows, sheep, horses and union rep a beer
    Next day the Brahmin takes a sickie
    No one really knows or cares what happened to your scabby Brahmins...
     

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