Country songs never written

Freemason

Banned
Country songs never written

We need some frivolity. Post your best country music songs never written.

Here goes (even though I'll probably regret it)

My World Ended (The Day the Bar Burned)
Too Drunk to Fish
Playin' Chicken with a Train
Bubba Lovin' in Cell Block Three
Moonshine in Sunshine
She's Driving Me to Drinking (And I'm Taking the Express Lane)
The Light at the End of the Tunnel is a Train
Calling Nobody With My Last Dime
Mamma Beat Up the Sherrif Again
Family Weddings
Getting Hitched at the Daytona 500
Day After Chili Cookoff Blues
Bass Fishing With Dynamite
First Lovin' in a Bass Boat
She Left (And Took the Dog Too)
Her Mamma said baaa
Mamma Wears Wife Beaters
Up the Creek and Here Comes the Waterfall
My Tricycle Had a Gun Rack
Shot the Dog ('Cause He Drank My Beer)
Went to Jail for Having Too Much Fun
Drag Racing (Doesn't Mean Towing a Log)
Painting the Watertower (To Keep Sis's Good Name)
I Called "Suzy For a Good Time" Blues
Roasting Hotdogs While the House Burned
Tri-State Weekend Beer Run
House Got a Flat (And I Ain't Moved Since)
Redneck Hi-Tech or 8-Track on a Ladder
Working My Fingers to the Bone for the Welfare Nation
 

SteveMartinfan

Diabloii.Net Member
I heard a country song the other day about a dog...probably not the weirdest reason for a song, but not the norm, either >_<
 

piff

Diabloii.Net Member
"She's Driving Me to Drinking (And I'm Taking the Express Lane)"

When you first saw that, did anyone get the tune of She Drives ME Crazy stuck in their head?

Very good, Freemason.

I have a joke:
Q: What happens when you play country music backwards?
A: Your girlfriend comes back, your dog is revived, and you become sober again.
 

nnndave

Diabloii.Net Member
-Alcohol and Live Ammunition
-If it flies, it dies
-Beer in my cereal
-One for the road (featuring the river)
-Blue skies on a rainy day
-I can fill your canyon
-You rode my bull for 8 seconds
 

CaptJoe213

Diabloii.Net Member
funny thing, a lot of those are close enough to real songs to be scary!

*puts on "she thinks my tractor's sexy" and does a redneck dance*
 

Pierrot le Fou

Diabloii.Net Member
  • Kick me Jesus (through the Field Goal of life)
  • The "I voted for a Democrat" blues
  • Your heart is like an Ice Cube (if I only owned a fridge to keep you in)
  • Left me for my brother (sisters can be so cruel)
 

DurfBarian

Diabloii.Net Member
I think one of those is real, kind of.
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Make me, oh make me, Lord more than I am
Make me a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly tempestion below
I’ve got the will, Lord if you’ve got the toe.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Take all the brothers who’ve gone on before
And all of the sisters who’ve knocked on your door
All the departed dear loved ones of mine
Stick’em up front in the offensive line.

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.

Yeah, Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life
End over end neither left nor to right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.
There are a lot of lists out there of "funny country titles." Here are some that may or may not be real songs:

All I Want From You Is Away

You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat

If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me

Bubba Shot the Jukebox

Are You Drinkin' With Me, Jesus?

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

I'm Under the Table Over You

Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life

Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?

I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink

Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be a Quart Low

Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed

If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It

My Phone Ain't Been Ringing, So I Guess it Wasn't You

I've Been Roped and Throwed By Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral

I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me

She's Acting Single, I'm Drinking Doubles

Is It Cold In Here, or Is It Just You?

We Used to Kiss on the Lips, But It's All Over Now

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?

You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'

I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right

Thanks to the Cathouse, I'm in the Doghouse With You

I Would Kiss You Through the Screen Door But It'd Strain Our Love

I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me

You Were Only a Splinter as I Slid Down the Banister of Life

Did I Shave my Legs for This?

I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me

She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart

I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with a Spade

If Whiskey Were a Woman, I'd Be Married for Sure

I Sat Down on a Beartrap (Just This Morning)

She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?

Mama, Get the Hammer (There's a Fly on Papa's Head)

Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim is Getting Better

If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

Another long list here.
 

Freemason

Banned
DurfBarian said:
Bubba Shot the Jukebox
You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'
Did I Shave my Legs for This?
She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft
Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
I know those are real songs. The others I think are bogus.

Piff, you got it wrong. When you play a country record backwards you get your dog back, you get your wife back, you get your job back, you get your house back and you get out of jail.

~Goes back to listening to Garth Brooks - Cowboy Cadillac~
 

dorcusmalorcus

Diabloii.Net Member
Her Daddy's Shotgun Sure was Shiny (on Our Wedding Night)

Can She Be My Cousin and My Sister Too?

Tequila Can't Make You Better Looking, But Whiskey Makes You Brave

18 Years and 6 Grades (A Graduation Story)

We Strung Him Up from That Big Ol Oak (for Running out of Beer and Bait)

It Won't Pull My Bass Boat if It Don't Have a Hemi

Salons are for Women, Saloons are for Men (Git it Right You Dumb Redneck)

Eating 50 Jalepenos Really Hurts......Twice

All the Beer in the World Won't Fill the Hole in My Heart
 

CaptJoe213

Diabloii.Net Member
DurfBarian said:
His Ford Scratched My Chevy, So I Drowned Him at the Levee

Levee??? You think rednecks know this term? Get it right man, the crick! :lol:

as an aside, I blame you for us rednecks not knowing levee :flip:
 

DurfBarian

Diabloii.Net Member
Do you mean to say that no redneck ever "drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry"?

And besides, this woman won the "Farm Song of the Year" award for a tune on Songs from the Levee.
 

CaptJoe213

Diabloii.Net Member
DurfBarian said:
Do you mean to say that no redneck ever "drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry"?

And besides, this woman won the "Farm Song of the Year" award for a tune on Songs from the Levee.
okay okay, then I blame you for me and my redneck ****kickin friends from north texas for not knowin it lol
 

nnndave

Diabloii.Net Member
If the phone don't ring you'll know it was me.


p.s. durf, your thinking west texas, north texas has water dude.
 

CaptJoe213

Diabloii.Net Member
DurfBarian said:
You don't have levees in north Texas because there isn't any water there. :p
that's sooo true lol


nnndave, ya gotta remember we're not dealin with just texans here. Most natives consider the panhandle 'west', though someone not from here would probably consider it north, since the panhandle is the part that is furthest up, considering a map.

and here in the panhandle, we have like no water anywhere, even during wet years lol. We were nearly 10 inches down last year, rained like 3 drops over a square mile
 
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