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Coping with death...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by KnightFall, Jun 8, 2005.

  1. KnightFall

    KnightFall IncGamers Member

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    Coping with death...

    Well it's a very sad day for me today. On this day 5 years ago my best friend Alan died in a car accident. He was the first person close to me that I've lost.

    It hit me very hard at the time, in fact I turned into an alcoholic for 6 months afterwards. His favorite song I still cant listen too, 5 years later! It being played as we carried the coffin from the church probably didn't help this. The song is, 'Living on a Prayer'.

    Since then I've lost both my Grandfathers and another of my close friends too.

    With my Grandfathers it was slightly different in how it hit me, due to the fact that you kind of expect old people are going to die I guess. Please don't think I cared any less for them, I didn't, it's hard to say why I was less upset. Maybe because I've been through it before or because I spent less time, just before they died, with them than with my friend, I don't know.

    I just seemed to have a sense of detachment after hearing the news of their deaths. I only really got upset or even cried at the actual funerals. Maybe because I sub-consciously wanted to be strong for my parents at the time, I don't know.

    So I expect alot of people have lost friends, family or loved ones at some time in their life. But how did you cope with it and has your view of death changed afterwards? Has anyone experienced the same sense of detachment that seemed to come over me after the first time?

    I'm sorry for the morbid topic but I've been thinking about it all day and had to get it off my chest...

    KnightFall
     
  2. Amra

    Amra IncGamers Member

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    I suppose I have about as much experience with it as anyone else. I am not sure how one copes with it except to keep living your own life and honor the people that are no longer with you. Time heals somewhat but only partially. They will always be in my heart and part of the fabric of my life. That is as it should be.

    Has my view changed? I don't think so. Except maybe to understand that I should not take people for granted for they can be gone in a moments notice. I had never openly told my dad that I loved him but after he died I made sure that I told my mom each time I spoke with her (we live far apart).

    I am not sure what to say about detachment. I suppose that it's true that each time you deal with it you know a little more about what to expect. And yes, with older people it is a bit different than someone who was quite young. The important thing is that you grieve in the way that you need to.

    I suspect one day you will be able to listen to 'Living on a Prayer' and remember the good times you had with him.

    This recent thread may help you some too:

    http://forums.diabloii.net/showthread.php?t=350434
     
  3. Arbedark

    Arbedark IncGamers Member

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    Well one of my close friends died from cancer around 3 years ago.

    The majority of my year at school turned up to his funeral to say goodbye. And it was a rather sad affair.

    It hasnt hit me as bad as it seems to have hit you, but i fee for you mate.


    At the moment my grandmother is suffering from alzheimers, so the rest of my family (all 3 members) are expecting her to die soon. And we will be pleased once it happens. Not because we dont care for her, but because it is such a horrible way to live. We already know that the way she acts is not because of WHO she is, but because of her condition, and as such are resigned to her passing away within the next months.







    Arb
     
  4. rykros1987

    rykros1987 IncGamers Member

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    I've had family die or get hurt seriously quite a few times but I never really felt any pain or anything. Everyone else did...and they always seemed to think of me as being the 'strong one' when it comes to death in the family. I guess they assumed I was goign through the same thing?? Maybe its my aspect on death...I don't know but I just basically go with the belief sooner or later people die and that theres really no reason to grieve over it (in my opinion)...I guess I just don't see why people grieve over the inevitable. Seem illogical in my view. :thumbsup:
     
  5. PatMaGroin

    PatMaGroin IncGamers Member

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    I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer's, and though I wasn't especially close to him, it was one of the most painful things to watch I can imagine. He didnt remember who his children were, and only remembered his wife after an hour or so with her. Pretty much the only thing he did remember was that he liked ice cream. When he passed, it was a relief, so to speak. It gives ya closure in those instances. I never thought of it before, but they say AD could be genetic.

    Anyway, when death is unexpected, such as the thread starter's friend, it makes it that much harder. My freshman year in high school, we had one guy flip his truck and die, another guy shoot himself, and another flip his Jeep. The suicide tore the school apart, because you never would've guessed it if you had known the guy. But this year, we had one more die in a car accident, driving recklessly in the rain. I can say I barely knew any of the 4, but the latest one was in my grade. It's gonna be rough man, and it's only natural to grieve.
     
  6. Twoflower

    Twoflower Banned

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    same here

    i think taht you dont realy grieve over the ones that died but about yourself, how you miss them, what you didnt tell them, what you could have done to avoid it etc. IMO those who are dead either made it to a better place ( religious view ) or dont feel anything any more ( scientific view ) so either way, they won t be un happy that they died.

    of course, also, it always reminds us tha we as well are mortal, which can be nasty :)
     
  7. piff

    piff IncGamers Member

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    My grandfather actually just died last Friday. My family has instilled into me the best way to handle deaths, and that's with celebration and fun. We mourn, of course, and we miss the lost family member, but going to the funeral house is a social affair. We laugh, we misbehave, we do most things you aren't supposed to do at the funeral home, but it helps us all cope with the death.

    I fortunately have not lost a close friend, just family that had been fighting off death for months, giving us time to prepare. But you know this is the place to get stuff off your chest.
     
  8. nrabbit

    nrabbit IncGamers Member

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    my grandmother died last december and i felt really bad when i heard about it. however i don't feel that bad when someone close to me dies because i was able to realize that death is a natural part of life for which i am very happy.
     
  9. Beowulf

    Beowulf IncGamers Member

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    My uncle died May 29th in Rio Brasil due likely to doctor error during surgery he was only 52 and lived life to its fullest. We are still waiting for the autopsy results. We only burried him back here in Montreal yesterday due to some major screw ups. I can tell you that I now hate Brasil, the doctor messed up, they lied to us at first about when he died and then when we ask for an autopsy they say no and embaum him, only when the department of foreign affairs became involved did things move forward. They then put him on some flight on a Brasilian airline and set up on connecting flight to Montreal from miami that took off 4hrs before the other flight even landed!!
     
  10. Kaysaar

    Kaysaar IncGamers Member

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    About two years ago, a friend of mine and his younger brother were killed in a car accident. I live in a smallish town, but over 1200 people came to their wake. I still can't see any black Saabs (his car) without any sort of reaction. I can see his house from my driveway, and I still feel wierd when I see his parents, or go in his house. My girlfriend's family is close to their family, so I'm learning to cope.

    The only real way that I learned to cope with loss is to try to go about life as usual while remembering the positives of their life.
     
  11. KnightFall

    KnightFall IncGamers Member

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    Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. The evening was pretty nice really, lots of faces I've not seen for a while. It's great to share the good memories from his life which different people remembered. Like was said by someone, celebrating his life is better than mourning his death.

    I visited his grave on the way down there and had a quite talk to him about whats been going on with our group of friends (I do this on a fairly regular basis). I'm not sure if this helps me get over it or not really... it brings back alot of memories.

    It was a blessing when both my Grandfathers died I guess as they were both suffering towards the end. One had Parkinsons and the other had suffered a few strokes and couldn't speak and didn't seen to know us. They hopefully are in a better place now.

    Regards,
    KnightFall
     

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