Chuck Norris facts

Sergeant

Sergeant

Diabloii.Net Member
Chuck Norris facts

Because I love this sticky booger of a forum, I wanted to share a cool site I found today.

All of you know of the awesomeness of Chuck Norris. Most of you have heard of the Chuck Norris facts. These are scientifically undisputed facts. To whit, check out the site: www.chucknorrisfacts.com.

My favorites:

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law & Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun...and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he used a precision placed roundhouse kick to create a wormhole he then used to go back in time and father himself.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

The first season of Survivor put people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors and everyone is too scared to go back and retrieve the footage.

The real reason human human cloning is outlawed is because if Chuck Norris were cloned, it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to come in contact with another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize this would destroy the universe.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

If harnessed, the energy in one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick can power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting because he's not acting.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you forty-seven times.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
 
Findux

Findux

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. :D
 
pancakeman

pancakeman

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

Superman and Chuck Norris once arm wrestled. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
 
S

stillman

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Woodchucks don't chuck wood. Chuck Norris chucks wood.

Edit: Crap, there's a similar one one the site.
 
Lazer LXXVII

Lazer LXXVII

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

These originated from Vin Diesel facts, which were the same thing but for Vin Diesel.

Then these got really popular, and everyone forgot Vin Diesel facts.
 
Lazer LXXVII

Lazer LXXVII

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. **** you, team.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ****ing another.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
 
S

stillman

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

Vin Diesel sounded like such a tard duffus in the previews for his 2-3 movies that I didn't bother watching.
 
BobCox2

BobCox2

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

Chuck Norris gets a lot of props, good for him but his code is simple.

Norris created the martial art Chun Kuk Do, which is based primarily on Tang Soo Do and includes elements from every combat style he knows. Like many other martial arts, Chun Kuk Do includes a code of honor and rules to live by. These rules are from Chuck Norris's personal code. They are:
  1. I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways.
  2. I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements.
  3. I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family.
  4. I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile.
  5. If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing.
  6. I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
  7. I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness.
  8. I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times.
  9. I will always remain loyal to God, my country, family and my friends.
  10. I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself.
My Sensei focused on the same.
 
Stoutwood

Stoutwood

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

stillman said:
Vin Diesel sounded like such a tard duffus in the previews for his 2-3 movies that I didn't bother watching.
Click to expand...
However, he has acted well in at least one movie, which is more than can be said for Chuck Norris.



 
Amra

Amra

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

Lazer LXXVII said:
These originated from Vin Diesel facts, which were the same thing but for Vin Diesel.

Then these got really popular, and everyone forgot Vin Diesel facts.
Click to expand...
uh, no.

This was going long before Vin Diesel came along.


Tanooki said:
I'd say "Chuck Norris started everything" but I'd hate myself.
Click to expand...
And there I gave you the perfect chance.
 
Lynchgrinch

Lynchgrinch

Diabloii.Net Member
Re: Chuck Norris facts

when chuck norris goes for a swim he doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norris. :D

3 men once claimed to have beaten chuck norris in close combat, they all died shortly after from mysterious roundhouse-kick related deaths. :D

has anyone ever seen forest warrior? its the best chuck norris film...ever.
 
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