Bored? 3 words story's here!

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Once upon a time in a land far away a man walked into a bar and winked at a emo boy that wanted to get him drunk and suck his venomous snakebite wound which hurt like ice cream cones on a hot summer's day with peanuts and bananas. Then the man took out his wallet and asked how much for all that bacon? Said the pig who left the bar nude, abandoned and smelling like manure. With great aplomb showed of his manly chest outthrust. Wait, a girl! His eyes meander from the top to her chin all 6 of 'm. His first thought was to run but he tripped over her chins. He decided that love is blind, but lust is even more blind. Meanwhile, at the strip poker game a man broke a woman's left-handed corkscrew with black nylon tights. She then proceeded to lick her big, soft, round Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles, then suddenly the ICBM said, "Hello, you are mine" then it exploded. But she's alive and still licking her wounds. Subsequently, her blood tasted different this time, like lemon juice which reminded her to buy lemons. "But Wait", said some ICMB shrappnel, you havnt tasted my uncle, Bob. Bob magically appears "Hi, I'm Bob." He smells like peanuts, yeah, peanuts. Bob likes peanuts. "i like peanuts!" He said exasperatedly. Now for something other than peanuts. In other news ICMB's are headed straight towards the factory of peanuts. They plan to destroy the factory. "NOOO!" bob yells. "This is really horrible, we must save the peanuts!" With great foresight, legendary Solid Snake "to the peanutmobile!" with three whores and a bottle with delicious milk. Realizing the peanutmobile is not equipped with tires or several machine guns or any gasoline. "I am gonna see that the jelly jar is equiped with peanuts and chocolate chunks and chewy caramel and a spoon." Therefore bob is just someone who like to eat more then he initially bargained for. Unfortunately for him, gluttony is a difficult word for toddlers to say. Still, Bobs wife is a toddler that is sick and so is Bob's wife who also likes large spicy salami in a codpiece where it belongs another person came today but they didn't like the toddler's naughty words. "Too many toddlers!" quoth the raven, observing the situation. The raven left. "Bye Bye Raven," nevermore did the raven speak so sheepishly and remorseful. As the raven flew away into the nearby wall nevermore... did the quote get repeated. "Hark!" Bob proclaimed, "Shut up, Bob!" was the reply from the other person with the dead raven clasped between her teeth. "Try some raven" implored the pelican to bob's wife. Meanwhile, across space aliens spotted earth with polka dots and watched it for signs of hot womans with large squishy boobies and found many peanut flavoured, green miners with pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconeosis. The End Period. And then the kiddies fell asleep.
I'll just put a giant sic on all of that. I fixed some of the worst punctuation, there's nothing anyone can do to save the grammar though.
 
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