Application to Become Anakha's Girlfriend Are you lonely? Tired of looking for that special someone and just want to settle for less? Do you have a lot of Karma to burn off? Then apply for the position of Anakha's Girlfriend! Whether the reason you're here is boredom, curiosity or you actually have an attraction to him that can't be medicated, we can help! Apply now and you could be on your way to a fantastic world of highjinks, tomfoolery and wonder! Please fill out the form below and we'll make sure this intimate process is as non-intimate as possible (legal reasons). Personal Info: Gender [ ]Female [ ]Male [ ]I Don't Like to be Labelled Age: [ ]Illegal [ ]18-22 [ ]23-30 [ ]I'm Wearing Adult Depends Where Do You Live? [ ]Canada [ ]Canada - The Ottawa Region [ ]Anywhere Else Ethnicity: [ ]Caucasian [ ]Black [ ]Hispanic [ ]Middle Eastern [ ]First Nations [ ]Oriental [ ]European [ ]I Come From the Planet Kaploop [ ]We're All Part of the Rainbow Religious Affiliation: [ ]Christian [ ]Jewish [ ]Muslim [ ]Hindu [ ]Buddhist [ ]Agnostic/Atheist [ ]Other [ ]I am the leader of a secular cult [ ]I worship the Little People [ ]I believe I AM Jesus Hair Colour [ ]Brown [ ]Black [ ]Blonde [ ]Red [ ]White/Grey [ ]Radioactive Koolaid coloured [ ]I am follicly challenged Hair Length: [ ]I step on it frequently [ ]I can tuck it into my pants [ ]Long [ ]Shoulder Length [ ]Neck Length [ ]Short [ ]I look like Patrick Stewart Eye Colour: [ ]Blue [ ]Brown [ ]Green [ ]Hazel [ ]Yellow [ ]Slits like a cat [ ]Glowing Red [ ]Glass [ ]Can change it at will Height: [ ]Midget [ ]Dwarf [ ]5'0-5'3" [ ]5'4"-5'7" [ ]5'8"-5'11" [ ]6'0"-6'3" [ ]Giant [ ]I Climb the Empire State Building Weight: [ ]I avoid drafts and cracks in the floor [ ]Slim [ ]Athletic [ ]Average [ ]Bigger [ ]Butch [ ]I ate Louie Anderson [ ]I'm just going to lie anyways My Style Most Resembles [ ]Catherine Zeta Jones: Classy and Beautiful [ ]Julia Roberts: Desired By All but is Death for Relationships [ ]Pamela Anderson: Enough Said [ ]Reese Witherspoon: Fun-Loving and a Great Sense of Humour [ ]Angelina Jolie: Scary-Hot and Gets Into Trouble [ ]Rosie O'Donnel: Thinks She Knows What's Best For Everyone [ ]Roseanne Arnold: Just Die Already [ ]I Do Not Resemble Other Humans I Frequently Wear (Check all that apply) [ ]Glasses [ ]Contacts [ ]A Bandana [ ]A Hat [ ]A Giant Hat [ ]A Feather Boa [ ]Mr. T Style Jewellery [ ]My Wedding Ring [ ]An Oversized Foam-Rubber Hand [ ]The Pelts of Past Boyfriends [ ]A Shirt Thats Says "I'm with stupid [ ]Nothing At All [ ]My Heart on My Sleeve [ ]A Trophy Heart Around My Neck [ ]Other: Aspirations Highest Level Of Education Completed [ ]Home Schooled [ ]I'm a product of Bush's education "programs" [ ]I learned on the streets [ ]I kicked *** at toy time [ ]After grade 8 I was all like "screw this ****" [ ]Currently in highschool [ ]Highschool graduate [ ]In College [ ]College Graduate [ ]In University [ ]I have an Undergraduate [ ]I have a Masters [ ]I have a Doctorate [ ]Steven Hawking ain't got nothin' on me [ ]Future Ruler of the Universe [ ]I'm smarter than you In Post-Secondary You Major(ed) In [ ]Nothing [ ]Undecided [ ]Arts [ ]Social Science [ ]Engineering [ ]English [ ]Getting Smashed [ ]Stuffing cheese into your mouth Current Employment [ ]Unemployed [ ]Wait... Thet give money for NOT working?? [ ]Looking for work [ ]Social Work [ ]Public Service (Including Government) [ ]Cubicle Job [ ]Physically Intensive [ ]Model [ ]Drug Peddler [ ]Illegal Immigrant Do you Have Any Career Aspirations [ ]Yes [ ]No [ ]There are people who don't? [ ]I'm living off the government tip! [ ]"Would you like fries with that?" If so, what are they? Your thoughts on children? [ ]They're Adorable [ ]They're Cute [ ]They're ok as long as they're mine [ ]They're ok as long as they're not mine [ ]They're noisy, dribbling, little urchins [ ]Good with toast Have You Committed Any Past Criminal Offences? [ ]Yes [ ]No [ ]He deserved it! [ ]I got out on a technicality [ ]I need a place to lay low for a while Are You Mentally Sound? [ ]Yes [ ]No [ ]I have a doctor's note for you [ ]I'll answer when you undo my straps Your Literary Preferences Include (check all that apply): [ ]Ancient Greek Philosophy [ ]Shakespeare [ ]Any Bestseller [ ]Technical Books [ ]Fiction Novels [ ]Where's Waldo? The Kraft Dinner Box [ ]What Does "Literary" Mean? [ ]I Can Spell My Name! Vices Smoking Habits [ ]Non-Smoker [ ]Occasional Smoker [ ]Casual Smoker [ ]Heavy Smoker [ ]My Lungs Smoke by themselves now Drinking Habits [ ]Non-Drinker [ ]Social Drinker [ ]Heavy Drinker vI have to hold onto the floor [ ]Why else would I be filling this out? When I Drink, I Tend to Drink<option>Rum and Coke [ ]Beer [ ]Shots [ ]Body Shots [ ]Something Pink [ ]Anything, as long as it's fruity flavoured [ ]Rubbing Alcohol [ ]Does it matter? Recreational Drug Use: (All that apply) [ ]None [ ]Smoke Pot Occasionally [ ]Stoner [ ]Dude... Dude... you... are great! I'm Hungry [ ]Any Other Illegal Drugs (including cocaine, smack, crack, LSD, Speed, Heroin, "Rave" drugs and Celine Dion) Relationship Info I Am: [ ]Single [ ]Attached [ ]Married [ ]Divorced [ ]Widowed [ ]Attached to someone I'm stalking [ ]Married to the Sea [ ]Married to Jesus A Romantic Date Consists of: [ ]Walk on the beach [ ]Dinner and a movie [ ]Staying in and watching movies [ ]Breaking the box springs [ ]Staring up at the stars [ ]A monster truck rally [ ]Running from the cops [ ]Pretending to have Tourret's Syndrome [ ]Harassing my ex-boyfriend/husband I Am A(n)_______ Person [ ]Sweeter than a Lamb [ ]Nice [ ]Cheerful [ ]Accepting [ ]Head-Strong [ ]Cynical [ ]Grumpy [ ]Mean [ ]Evil [ ]Demonic [ ]I am Courtney Love! Fear me! You Find Out That My 3 Closest Friends Are All Model-Worthy Females, You: [ ]Think Nothing Of It [ ]Accept Them As My Friends [ ]Try Really Hard to Get Along [ ]Try To Incorporate Them Into Our Doings [ ]Talk Down to Them Because "girlfriend" outranks "friend" [ ]Try to Subvert them Out of Your Life [ ]Wage Full Scale War on Them [ ]Go Into A Jealous Rage Whenever You Mention Them [ ]Dump You, Ask One of Them Out Do You Think The Simpsons Is the Greatest Show on Earth?: [ ]Yes [ ]Hell Yes! My Hobbies Include: [ ]Writing [ ]Reading [ ]Poetry [ ]Watching TV [ ]Sports [ ]Games [ ]Working Out [ ]Running [ ]Running From People [ ]Harrassing the Ex (Again) [ ]Making Fun of People [ ]Calligraphy [ ]Phone Sex [ ]Replacing Bedposts due to over-notching [ ]Anger Management Courses [ ]Various Other 12-Step Programs [ ]Work, Work and More Work [ ]Trying to Take Over the WORLD! [ ]Other: My Reason For Applying is: [ ]I Like His Sense of Humour [ ]I Actually Think He's Hot [ ]He Has A High Postcount. I'm Attracted To The Power [ ]The Medication Isn't Working [ ]Other: Anything Else You'd Like To Add to His Divinely Canuckistanyness? Thankyou for taking the time to apply to be Anakha's girlfriend! Your details will now be picked over with a fine-tooth comb until every possible fault and personal issue you have has been scrutinized and mocked by a committee. Please allow 4 to 6 months for a reply. Do not leave your home during this length of time for any reason. Don't worry, if you took the time to fill this out, it's not like you have anywhere to be. Thankyou!