TheOgreMan
Diabloii.Net Member
another relationship thread, serious help only please
It seems like the only time I post here nowadays is when I'm having some kind of relationship issue. Luckily the last post was a year ago. This time...not so lucky.
I started dating this girl over a year ago; it was a year at the beginning of Feb. We have had a (mostly) great time together. Like with all relationships we've had some downs but 95%+ has been good. This past Jan, the last week, she went to study abroad in Argentina. She is due back the first week of May.
I haven't taken too well to her being gone and this has led to a whole host of issues. I have a few jealousy issues but I'm over those (for realz). The main point of the story comes now.
She has been enjoying the city a lot. She loves the city, the people, the atmosphere, everything. Yesterday she told me that she does not want to come back (she has to, though, for graduation, family, etc. at least temporarily). That little statement through me for a loop. Now, I am normally a very calm, thoughtful person. Her exact words: "to tell the truth I dont even want to go back. its not you, though, its me". Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.
Like I said, I'm normally calm and thoughtful. I flipped out as much as I could, seeing as how I was at work. I went uber-emotional, like post-pregnancy emotional. Not in anger or anything, but in frustration, guilt, all that crap. Luckily we were only chatting via IM client but I had to quit. I had to take a walk, etc. I ended up taking a sick day and leaving work where I really broke down.
I calmed down later that night. This was yesterday. Today, I regained my normal composure, thought it all through, and got ready to talk with her via Skype. Unfortunately this wasn't until after I sent a stream of emails her way being accusatory of her not loving me, guilt towards me, etc. I can honestly say that I was not mean or hateful, but very accusatory (this was done during emotional onset, I regret ever writing those).
Today we finally got to talk. The gist of everything is that now she says she still loves me, but is not in love with me. She doesn't feel anything between us. She said that I have been irrational lately (I have been occasionally, not nearly always) and that I've been driving her away. People have been talking to her about leaving me, that she is young, etc. This was by far the worst pain I've ever felt. She told me that she has met someone while there but that nothing major has happened yet, not even to a kiss. Her thoughts are that if she still had a strong love for me that not even that little bit would have happened...I can forgive her for faltering. But she says that she doesn't even think that she wants to fight for what we have.
I know that all of this is sort of rambling and I'm leaving out details (for obvious reasons) but the thing is this: I'm madly in love with her. I'll do ANYTHING for her and to keep her with me. But she seems to have given up. It's only been one day since this ordeal, and her confession came to me less than an hour ago, so things may calm down and she will think through things for the better.
But what if she doesn't? I don't want to give up on her. I love her more than anything. But she is stubborn in that she doesn't really want to try any more. There are only 6 more weeks that she is in Argentina. I'm asking her to think things through carefully, to think on what we have and what we could have together, and to be patient. That distance is clouding our judgement and together we are perfect.
What am I doing wrong? Is there anything I can do? Or do differently? I refuse to believe that there is no hope. I will fight for her to the end. I trust much of the advice given by the OT forum. Some is good, others troll, but right now I need several perspectives on this issue. I need ideas, encouragement, advice, realistic views, anything. I need to get through this and I want to come out of it with her in my arms.
I'll go through PMs if someone seems especially wise and I can give more details then. I know this is TLDR but thanks in advance for any help or advice you can give.
Ogre
It seems like the only time I post here nowadays is when I'm having some kind of relationship issue. Luckily the last post was a year ago. This time...not so lucky.
I started dating this girl over a year ago; it was a year at the beginning of Feb. We have had a (mostly) great time together. Like with all relationships we've had some downs but 95%+ has been good. This past Jan, the last week, she went to study abroad in Argentina. She is due back the first week of May.
I haven't taken too well to her being gone and this has led to a whole host of issues. I have a few jealousy issues but I'm over those (for realz). The main point of the story comes now.
She has been enjoying the city a lot. She loves the city, the people, the atmosphere, everything. Yesterday she told me that she does not want to come back (she has to, though, for graduation, family, etc. at least temporarily). That little statement through me for a loop. Now, I am normally a very calm, thoughtful person. Her exact words: "to tell the truth I dont even want to go back. its not you, though, its me". Those words hit me like a ton of bricks.
Like I said, I'm normally calm and thoughtful. I flipped out as much as I could, seeing as how I was at work. I went uber-emotional, like post-pregnancy emotional. Not in anger or anything, but in frustration, guilt, all that crap. Luckily we were only chatting via IM client but I had to quit. I had to take a walk, etc. I ended up taking a sick day and leaving work where I really broke down.
I calmed down later that night. This was yesterday. Today, I regained my normal composure, thought it all through, and got ready to talk with her via Skype. Unfortunately this wasn't until after I sent a stream of emails her way being accusatory of her not loving me, guilt towards me, etc. I can honestly say that I was not mean or hateful, but very accusatory (this was done during emotional onset, I regret ever writing those).
Today we finally got to talk. The gist of everything is that now she says she still loves me, but is not in love with me. She doesn't feel anything between us. She said that I have been irrational lately (I have been occasionally, not nearly always) and that I've been driving her away. People have been talking to her about leaving me, that she is young, etc. This was by far the worst pain I've ever felt. She told me that she has met someone while there but that nothing major has happened yet, not even to a kiss. Her thoughts are that if she still had a strong love for me that not even that little bit would have happened...I can forgive her for faltering. But she says that she doesn't even think that she wants to fight for what we have.
I know that all of this is sort of rambling and I'm leaving out details (for obvious reasons) but the thing is this: I'm madly in love with her. I'll do ANYTHING for her and to keep her with me. But she seems to have given up. It's only been one day since this ordeal, and her confession came to me less than an hour ago, so things may calm down and she will think through things for the better.
But what if she doesn't? I don't want to give up on her. I love her more than anything. But she is stubborn in that she doesn't really want to try any more. There are only 6 more weeks that she is in Argentina. I'm asking her to think things through carefully, to think on what we have and what we could have together, and to be patient. That distance is clouding our judgement and together we are perfect.
What am I doing wrong? Is there anything I can do? Or do differently? I refuse to believe that there is no hope. I will fight for her to the end. I trust much of the advice given by the OT forum. Some is good, others troll, but right now I need several perspectives on this issue. I need ideas, encouragement, advice, realistic views, anything. I need to get through this and I want to come out of it with her in my arms.
I'll go through PMs if someone seems especially wise and I can give more details then. I know this is TLDR but thanks in advance for any help or advice you can give.
Ogre
