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Another night...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Lord_Helmet, Apr 1, 2004.

  1. Lord_Helmet

    Lord_Helmet IncGamers Member

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    Another night...

    Well another night of stress for me, my girlfriend is once again bulrigerantly drunk. Sometimes I hate it so much I want to break things off with her, but then again I do really care about her and i see she has a problem, its just I live an hour away from where she goes to college....thus I can't really help her unless she has self control. Personally i'd rather have someone who doesn't smoke or drink (cigs and weed) but she does both, I believe she's given up the weed, (she promised on our relationship she wouldn't smoke it anymore) and she's attempting to quit smoking, but the drinking is getting out of control. Last week she was really drunk every night...and everynight i'm on the phone with her listening to her say how she doesn't want to drink anymore and how she needs to stop, eventually she gets so down on herself, she just verbally abuses herself and asks me why I put up with her. That in itself is annoying. I certainly don't want anyone running down my girlfriend...even herself. My only problem with her smoking cigerettes is it sucks to kiss her, i hate the taste of cigs...so i rarely want to kiss her when she's been smoking, even if she brushes her teeth it doesn't matter because the smoke is sill in her lungs and anytime she breathes I smell it. I know this is a useless rant but I'm just looking for some advice on how to talk to her about this, i don't want to break up with her but I can't take many more of these nights of stress and worrying about her health.

    Thanks
     
  2. m1rage

    m1rage IncGamers Member

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    Sounds almost like she is an alcoholic, or just playing you for a fool. If I were you, I would suggest getting her some counseling or help. If she is sincere about her problems, she will be open about her problem and likely seek help. If she is just playing you for a fool, then she will probably just play it off. From there, you can probably tell if she is even worth your time and stress.
     
  3. Ting

    Ting IncGamers Member

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    Don't get stuck on the train of thought thinking "oh but I like everything else about her, it would be shallow to be bothered by something like her smoking." Tell her that, that you like everything about her but her smoking, and her smoking would taint an otherwise perfect relationship. Usually smoking and drinking are correlated, so you could kill two birds with one stone...
     
  4. DurfBarian

    DurfBarian IncGamers Member

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    It sounds like a trite phrase from a 12-step program, but "the first step is for her to admit she has a problem." No progress will be made until that happens. Your relationship with her is the thing that will decide how hard you will push for her to reach that step. But that's the step she's got to take, whether you're the one helping her take it or not . . .

    Maybe you could suggest going to an AA meeting together. Don't know what to suggest about the cigarettes . . . as PLF will tell you those aren't an easy thing to give up, especially when they aren't as visibly destructive to her life as the drinking.
     
  5. Geeno

    Geeno IncGamers Member

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    Shes not an alcoholic till she puts alcohol in her cereal.
     
  6. MixedVariety

    MixedVariety Banned

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    Are you just going out with her for fun, or with the possible intention of eventually marrying her?
    If just for fun, then have fun and help her out however you can. Realize, however, that you can't change her, and whatever personality traits she has now will most likely be with her forever in one form or another.
    If you're going out with her for the idea of eventual marriage, well then, it's time to get real. Is this the type of woman you really envision spending the rest of your life with? Is this the type of woman who would make a good mother for your children? Is this really the type of woman you deserve?
    She's trouble, it seems to me, either way. Good luck.
     
  7. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    I don't know. If I was going out with a college girl who drank a lot and lived an hour away, well, I'd be wondering what's going on when she gets drunk and passes out. But maybe that's just me.

    I say have your fun and get out.
     
  8. Lord_Helmet

    Lord_Helmet IncGamers Member

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    she doesn't go out and get drunk, she just gets drunk in her room, but she gets really bad. I mean, i don't think she goes aday without drinking, and its not even at night, its in the morning, before class and after class. I sometimes go out for lunch when she's down on the weekend and she's already got a beer or a mixed drink going. Its almost constant. Its all she talks about, like I wanna be with her on the weekends and go do stuff or cuddle and watch movies and she just talks about getting drunk. I'm done with getting drunk, it doesn't do anything for me.
     
  9. Dutchman

    Dutchman IncGamers Member

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    She is a young woman in college who is enjoying her new found freedom and letting loose. She could have a problem, but I personally think it more likely that she is enjoying her lifestyle and has no real desire to change right now. The remorse after the fact could simply be because she knows you don't approve.

    Trying to change someone is a recipe for disaster in my opinion, you either accept it or you don't. Any change must come from her, anything she does only to please you is doomed to fail in the long run.

    She will change or she won't, you can certainly support her if she tries but she needs to do it for herself, not you.

    This layman's opinion.

    Dutch
     

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