Ev is an uncoordinated one, if anyone gets juggled to death then I'll know he wasn't the culprit. I let the hand lay where it fell, it would be peacefully entombed in the sand... *stares intently* There was something off about the sand, maybe Chief Dropeverything over there was on to something with his cardboard obsession, this sand lacked a distinct property of conventional sand. Now those that have run into sand before may have noticed a sort of, grainyness to it, but the ground was smooth, the sand was painted on, on to concrete? rubber? I was too drunk to tell, so I knocked G0su off his stool to see if he bounced.
I was down on my luck, lost my job, wife and my favorite blaze orange Vega station wagon when I received a Job offer to bar tend at a private island for a weekend. The job offer was for 25,000. How could I pass this up.
*fast forward to the present*
A drunk Cajun calls my down the bar to look at the mess the drunk fool made when he slammed a perfectly good glass down on the bar too hard.
As I was cleaning up the mess, I noticed a commotion to my left, and a Californian man (he had to be from California with those flip flops, and poorly matched outfit) wave a hand in the air. The hand had finely manicured nails in a deep red polish.
The commotion was around a body on the ground with a bullet hole between the eyes. It looked like it was a .22. The body was wearing a very nice Versaci silk suit and a pale blue shirt open at the neck. The odd thing was the black socks with dark blue water sandals.
Who has so much money to waste on good clothes, yet fashion sense of a dead armadillo?
In a blinding flash of light, everyone curses Durf as their ears start to hear a voice saying...
"Sorry for not arriving on the plane with all of you, but they were demonstrating instantaneous matter teleportation at the Aichi expo in Nagoya. Durf came with me, but he had a hangover somewhere over the Pacific and may be a while. I hope he makes it here...
"Well, it was made by Mistubishi, and they are known for having their inventions explode, so if he doesn't show up, do we have a lawyer abroad for the lawsuit? A lawyer with a decent rebuttal to 'It's Durf's fault' beyond the Twinkie Defense...
"Anyway, glancing at the contents of this man's wallet, I have a strong hunch that this is Sehpiroth. Something about the GW Bush portrait where his family should be, the membership to the NRA (cancelled for making the organization look bad), and a deck of the Axis of Evil playing cards strikes me as very Sehpirothian.
"I could be wrong of course, it's been a while since I've seen with him having been banned from the OTF for excessive flaming lunatic idiocy and all...
"Anyway, all that matter teleportation made my throat dry, would someone be kind enough to give me some liquor to cure the teleport lag? I don't think my particles like being scrambled and sent so much, but with any luck it will undo some of the damage I had done to my old liver."
Hrm, I judge by the snoring around me that my speech was excessively long-winded. Either that or everyone's drunk. At any rate, I wonder how this will develop without Durf, the usual target of blame, having been in a different country at the time of the murder. I sure hope he does show up though.
Blabby blabberson finally arrived, of course he had his theory; it had occured to me - Sehpiroth had survived alot, but we hadn't tried shooting him in the face before. Of course the suspect would have to be one of many dirty pinko hippie lowlife scum that populated the island, good thing I brought my hippie-repelant/stick. It's a relief to know I was in the clear on this one...
"My pants have been thieved, despite his best attempts at deception, Shinnok is here lurking out of sight with my pants. I would take DC's had he any, but as he has been drinking for some time they found themselves to have a will of their own and made off."
Guess I'll load DC into the wheelbarrow here and cart him to dinner. Hmm, dead guy doesn't need pants and....... he didn't soil himself as he died, which is always a plus.... ah, snazzy. Oops, I forgot G0su... let's just lay him atop DC and cart him away for some humorous poses before dinner.
I finished wiping down the bar where the drunks spilled their drinks. and came back to the other end when I heard the Californian ask for a camera. "Here I have one behind the bar, and these glasses here are unclaimed. Do you think they belong to the deceased?"
The glasses are circular framed with thin edges, and I seem to remember seeing the recently. Maybe with a blue screen of death on a stage behind him. hmm
"Let me see the face before the seagulls get to the body" I said. The victims face was round shaped with thinning hair, kind of like that man from Microsoft. Could this be the same guy?
I wiped the blood from his face and replaced the glasses. The nose pads fit just right and it looked like this.
"Hey Corax a hand is laying on the ground right here, but it is a womans hand. Is this the hand you are looking for?" I shouted as the guests headed towards the main building for dinner.
"I and I proclaim this party is deader than the deadest doornail at the dead convention!
"Where's dinner? The rotting corpse at the bar has made I and I hungry."
I wonder if it actually was Sehpiroth. Ash seems to agree, though that lends absolutely no credibility to his theory at all. Perhaps food will jog some memories, and sober up some spirited spirits spirited on spirits...
As I bend to retrieve the hand, id rather be touched by a womans hand i notice something strange about the deceased, he is covered in yellow feathers and has giant orange legs and feet, who is this strange deceased?
*arrives at the island on a jet ski with StarStageGurl on the back*
Sorry we're late, guys. She was my ride to the airport and her car broke down. For some reason, the airline said they predicted this and gave us these jet skis to go to this island. I admit it's somewhat odd and suspicious, but hey, free jet skis!
*takes off life jacket and walks up to bar*
Could anyone tell me where the hotel is? I would liketo unpack and spend some time in the jacuzzi with my bluepri...err...umm...*pantses self* Hey, who pantsed me!? *pulls up pants, sees Durf point to the hotel*
Anyway, thanks for telling me where to go. Wait just one second. That drunk on the ground, how did he get such a nice, high-class shirt? Drunks don't dress like that.
starts screaming " oh god i ate in the last half hour, curse you bar peanuts curse you" before realising he's laying in a half inch of water, apparently ash was so drunk(or just dumb) that he tossed me down a steep ravine beside the pool
As I watched the delirious corax floundering at the bottom of the pool, the last bubbles of his waning life rising to the surface, I asked myself, what more could I have done? Could he have been saved? Could he have gone on cured with just a bit more compass-I'm hungry, where's the eats?