Another Murder In The OTF

G0su_Hellbolt

Diabloii.Net Member
*snore*grmmf..z...zzz...*snore*
*wakes up*

"uh...*rubs eyes*...mmf...where did my wallet go?"

*sees wallet in the evOl hands of Ash*

"OI! The least you could do is ask for it, jesus."

*whips wallet out of Ash's hand*

"eh...i swear I had a few bucks in this...hmph. Who cares."

*takes a chocolate from Ash*

*Gosu-Hellbolt
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
rplusplus said:
*Enter's R++ in his freshly waxed Bimmer*

*Steps out amid the Swedish Bikini Team*

"Hello everyone I am glad you could make it"

"Yes it was I who invited you all here to my island, which was purchased after selling all my neopets on ebay"

"There is something I want you all to know, but I will wait until dinner tonight to tell you as there are still some guests yet to arrive"

"Enjoy, as the drinks are going on Durf's credit card that he left at the Gentlemens Lounge after the last party".

*R++ exits*

*Completely oblivious to the body on the ground now drawing all sorts of bugs*
Freshly waxed? What's he trying to cover up?
*examines new tire tracks*
*examines old tire tracks*
*examines bottom of a bottle*

"What the hell was I doing?"
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
masterazn said:
The matter of fact, was, that I was not the one. In fact, I was actually hanging out with this girl at the time which made the best day of my life thus far. Therefore, we conclude that it was not I, but the quite possibly the man on my right.
You're getting awfully defensive considering no one has accused you of murder yet you dirty murderer,
"Bake him away, toys."
 

rplusplus

Diabloii.Net Member
Ash Housewares said:
Freshly waxed? What's he trying to cover up?
Cover up? *Manical laughter*

My life is an open book for all to read my friend.

Here, let me by you a drink while my Personal Doctor and Staff attend to this unfortunate soul.

Strange though. It is my island and I didn't invite him.

R++
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
So it was a man then eh?

If he was an OTFer than we can narrow it down to 98% of the OTF population, we're making progress.
 

Bathmat

Diabloii.Net Member
"It must be around here somewhere, I can *smell* it. I had better get some chocolate soon, or I'll start to get homicidal. AHA!"

*Runs up behind Ash and snatches the chocolate away.*

"MINE!"
 

masterazn

Banned
Ash Housewares said:
You're getting awfully defensive considering no one has accused you of murder yet you dirty murderer,
"Bake him away, toys."
I was in exhibit A! YOU LIARS! YOU'RE ALL OUT TO GET ME! YOU DON'T GOT NOTHING ON ME MAN! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS! YOU'RE ALL GANGING UP ON ME!! AHHH!!!!!
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
masterazn said:
I was in exhibit A! YOU LIARS! YOU'RE ALL OUT TO GET ME! YOU DON'T GOT NOTHING ON ME MAN! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS! YOU'RE ALL GANGING UP ON ME!! AHHH!!!!!
ranting like a lunatic and stealing the chocolate isn't helping your case

*picks severed hand up off the ground and smacks masterazn to stop his babbling*

there now don't you... you... hand... anyone? ...hand?
 

KnightFall

Diabloii.Net Member
*Looks out across the open water*

Now where is R++'s island paradise? The invite says it's at these coordinates...

*CRASH*

Ah! There it is!

*shakes head to clear ringing noise* *Jumps down onto sand from luxuary yacht*

Hello everyone. Hey who's feet are these sticking out from under my ship? Oh look thay dropped some chocolate... *mmmm, tasty*

KnightFall
 
Gripping the bar white-knuckled, I'm determined to get to the bottom of all of this. Guinness on tap, but NO BAILEY'S??? What sort of savages would only provide half the necessary ingredients to carbombs? I snatch glances out of the corner of my eye to the crowd forming behind me, but I suddenly find that the barstool is being pulled out from underneath me and am promptly deposited on the ground, spilling Guinness all over myself in the process.

"SHAVAGES! Who would dare do shuch a thing?!?!" I scream, tearing the Guinness-soaked shirt from my body and stuffing it into my mouth, sucking the godly nectar from the cotton fabric. Clearly these fools have no appreciation for the finer things in life.

Determined to at least discover the culprit behind my unseating, I survey the area around me, but no one is within reach. They all seem to be gathered around something in the sand.

"What's goin on over there?" I attempt to speak, but the shirt still stuffed in my mouth results in an unintelligible string of moans and grunts. Nevermind them. I remove the shirt from my mouth and lean back on the bar. "Bartender! Gimme another coupla pints!"
 

Lord_Shinnok

Diabloii.Net Member
Having received invitation several days before the events currently in action, Shinnok thought it all some freaky love in and would have no part of it.

During all these occurrences he was thousands of miles away, sleeping.
 

skihard

Banned
Noticing that the bar being so nicely polished with that green stuff and also noticing that a bottle of Kentucky’s finest is missing a stopper I wonder if perhaps the “bullet†wound is indeed a bullet wound. Perhaps our assailant slid the bottle down that bar in true 007 fashion causing our guests demise.


**Walks away with remainder of the bottle without mentioning my thoughts to anyone.**
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
"Is anyone missing a hand? Check and make sure you have two."

Damnable business, the body has both his hands, I really hate red herring body parts, I should just chuck this in the ash tray and forgot I ever found it.

Wait... could it be... my long lost evil hand? Is that you 'Sparky'?
 

Freemason

Banned
Everybody looks up to see a man walk in looking the part of an Old West poker dealer.

"Guiness", he said. Looking around he noticed green goo on the bar, blood on far too many people.

"Piss on you all, I'm goign to go find me some boobies". And I walked out.
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
I watched as the odd man with the handlebar moustache left, he was a strange one, looked like a barbershop singer, but he had a point. The boobies had been lacking since we left the plane. My thoughts wandered back to our host, it was beginning to make sense. Flying us in on 'Hooter Air' for just $69 both ways wasn't hitting his pocket book as hard as I first thought, but still, he must have some angle in bringing us here. Why invest the money unless you've got some kind of return planned, but how, I suppose I was just going to have to wait for his next appearance...
 
Through the fog, I hear the magic word and swivel my head to see someone doing a poor John Wayne impression. He mutters something about boobies and stalks off. I pour the last of the Guinness down my throat, letting thoughts of boobies overwhelm my spinning mind, and slam the glass down dramatically, but a bit too hard. *crash*

"Erm. Shorry 'bout that." No one seems to notice.

"Boring crowd anyway." I mutter. "You'd think they'd found buried treasure over there or something." I decide to find these boobies Mr. John Wayne was rambling about, but first I need supplies.

"Bartender! There's shome broken glass over here you should have a look at!" Motioning him over and pointing, I not-so-subtly stalk around the bar while the bartender tends to the glass, and raid the fridge. "5 bottles oughtta do...hrm, how about some liquor for good measure. Don Julio Añejo Tequila? That oughtta do nicely!" I think to myself.

Staggering and with pockets overflowing with booze, I stalk through the sand to follow Mr. Wayne when I'm stopped by some fool waving a hand in the air and blabbering. And the hand wasn't his, unless he had three hands.
 

Ash Housewares

Diabloii.Net Member
"Hey mister, what kinda tequila you got there? Do you really wanna be drinkin that when CuervoNation invades man? You'll be dragged into the street and shot like all the other... um.. gimme some..."
 
"Hey--careful there! This shtuff is the besht! We're talkin ranked by Wine Shpectator and $50 a bottle! Here, take a swig"
 

Ev_

Diabloii.Net Member
We weren't getting anywhere. I think we were now actually farther from identifying the body than when we first started. Ash talked as much in real life as he did on the forum, and Cajun was as drunk as his name implied.

But in all of Ash's seemingly incoherent thought rambling, one thing struck me as odd. "Flying us in on 'Hooter Air' for just $69 both ways..." I whipped my invitation envelope out of my backpack. One ticket stub. Ash has said both ways. I only had one ticket, and I had used it already. Whoever invited me here didn't intend to let me leave.

R++ had claimed it was he who had invited us all here, but I had my doubts. That Bimmer he was driving looker remarkably like a Pinto with a BMW emblem duct-taped on. The duct tape was even sticking out from underneath it. And that Swedish ho-train he had going on looked remarkably like cardboard cutouts with coconut halves duct-taped on. They hadn't even moved from their original position. Although the guise had fooled TurdFergusen, as he was busy hitting on one of them. There's no way R++ could have owned this place. I decided to follow him and get to the bottoms of this.

"Hey man, high five!" said Ash as I walked past him, and he threw the disembodied limb into the air. I kept walking.
 
Top