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And now, a serious post on my part.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by GIR, Mar 8, 2004.

  1. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    And now, a serious post on my part.

    About 2 1/2 years ago, someone who was very important to me disappeared. It was very strange. She was someone I was supposed to get married to at one point. Just some minor background on what happened, this was when we were both about 18. Some minor teenage infidelity occoured on her part. Depression had me pretty hard before that, so I took it a lot harder than, if say, the same thing happened now. I had a friend at the time that it happened, who had been rather infatuated with me for quite some time, and eventually convinced me to leave my fiance for her. As much as it really hurt me to do it, all of my so-called friend's talking and her telling me that I'd be better off without my fiance, I left her, and eventually persued a relationship with this friend. (As *that* turned out, she was so much much worse than my fiance had ever been. ****ing /insert creative bad names here/) But, over the years that followed, me and my fiance still talked, even though we both kind of went our seperate ways. We had promised each other that we'd always been in each other's life in one way or another. You could tell there was still a lot of love there.

    I could write a lot more, but I'll speed it up a bit for you all. About 2 1/2 years ago, she called me one day. It was nothing unusual, just a "hey, what's up" kinda thing. We shot the ****, as the saying goes, for about 20 minutes and we hung up. There was nothing weird going on. There was no fight about anything, just normal friendly conversation.

    That was the last I ever heard from her.

    A few weeks after that, I tried to give her a call, just to see what was going on. The number was disconnected. I found it odd, so I emailed her. They all went unread.

    That's when I started to worry. I thought something had happened to her. For 2 years I searched for her, to no avail. About 6 months ago, I assumed the worst. I said goodbye to her, alone in my room in the dark, with a bottle of Jager.

    Last night I got off of work early. I came home and pretty much fell right asleep, which is odd, since I'm usually up for many hours after I get home. About two hours after I had fallen asleep, I woke up. I had a strange dream. It was weird, because I wasn't actually awake. I was somewhere in between being awake and asleep. It's not the first time it's happened to me, but I've never actually got up while it's been happening before. I came in here and got online. As much as I can remember, I did a search for some very specific things. After that is when I really woke up and realized what was going on. I browsed through the results.

    I found her.

    I ****ing found her. After all this time, of assuming the worst, and thinking she was dead.

    She's in Waialua, Hawaii.

    She's getting married on June...
     
  2. Deadbolt'd

    Deadbolt'd IncGamers Member

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    Are you going to try to contact her? If that happened to me, I would be scared freakin' ****less to call her. Bad blood there? ( I don't think so, the last phone call seems pretty normal) Anything you can remember her being annoyed about during your engagement? Was she quick to get mad? Would she consider it intruding? And also, would you want the possibility of hate in your "relationship"? I use that in quotes because of the disappearence. What I would do- call her, ask what happened, why she ran away ( obviously). If she's mad, and takes offense, try to think of it as before when you thought she was dead. This, I would guess, would be hard. And now enough of my rambling- I told you what I would have done, and I'm not in this situation. I can't really tell what I would really have the guts to do. Good luck...

    -DB
     
  3. Oberammergau

    Oberammergau IncGamers Member

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    Go to her and make as if it were all a romantic comedy. All should go well.

    No but seriously. If you still have feelings for her get it off your chest before she gets married. Do something about it.
    Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you dont take
     
  4. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    There's no bad blood. No hate.

    There's one thing that I though of a little while ago. It goes back to that last phone call. Before that even. I had always assumed that we were only going to remain friends, so I moved on with the occaasional relationship. Was I wrong? I remember something now about that last phone call, that didn't really register before. She seemed to be stalling before she hung up, like she used to when there was something else she wanted to say, but she hung up before I could ask about it. Did she want to tell me she loved me? Was she waiting for me to say it? I wanted to, but didn't know if it would be right.

    God... did I hurt her?
     
  5. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    That's why I can't just sit by and let this go.

    And you know, this does seem like some movie plot.

    I feel like... Westley, from the Princess Bride. Seriously.

    I don't even get out of bed for people, and here I am ready to give up everything and go halfway across the world for the chance to even see her again.

    Heh... just call me the Dread Pirate Roberts.
     
  6. Anakha1

    Anakha1 Banned

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    I disagree with Ob. She's getting married. Despite your past, I don't think it's your place now to complicate her life and happiness with the past. Let her get married and be happy with the direction her life has gone.

    Frankly, and completely honestly, I think it would be selfish and it would disregard her own welfare for you to go and confess all. She's getting married. Which means she's in love with this man. She's not going to throw that away and come back to you. You'd only make things more uncomfortable between you. It's time to accept friendship.
     
  7. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    Really, I just need answers as to why she chose to leave without a word. If I have that, I can move on.

    This either needs to get blown wide open, or come to a close, one way or the other.
     
  8. MixedVariety

    MixedVariety Banned

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    No, you don't need answers, you just want them. That's selfish. She has a life, leave her alone and find your own.
    You listened to a bunch of other people instead of being your own master, and left her in the dust all those years ago. She recovered and is fine without you.
     
  9. Deadbolt'd

    Deadbolt'd IncGamers Member

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    I think that she's the only one that can give you answers. Settle for friendship? Maybe. Or try sending her a wedding gift. Just thought of that and I figured you could do that pretty safely. Now that I think back about the last posts, I really don't know what I would do, despite being confident before.

    -DB
     
  10. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    For those that say I'm selfish. Perhaps. Most likely even probably.

    And is that really so bad? To do something that I feel needs to be done? I don't think so.

    If it's so wrong to think of myself for once, and that makes me a horrible person, well, then so be it.

    To often have I sat and let things in life pass me by. I can't do it this time, then this is what's always been most important to me.
     
  11. EEJ

    EEJ IncGamers Member

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    Is she hot?
     
  12. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    It is very true that she's the only one that can give me the answers I need.

    There's so many things that have gone through my mind on what to do.

    What will I do? Heh... that's the hardest question of all. I believe that no matter what I do, it will affect her, but doing nothing simply will not do this time.

    On a slight humourous note, what's the worst that can happen... I go to Hawai'i for nothing?
     
  13. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    How'd I guess this would be asked?

    I'm actually surprised it took so long.

    But, to answer, she's the most beautiful creature in the world to me.
     
  14. Choogy

    Choogy IncGamers Member

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    Follow the heart...and either say what you ahve to or dont
    But are you gonna regret that for the rest of your life? Ask yourself that...then decide
     
  15. GIR

    GIR Banned

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    Am I going to regret it if I do nothing?

    I know I will.
     
  16. Anakha1

    Anakha1 Banned

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    So you go, tell her how you feel, get shot down because she's already in love with someone, getting married and hasn't seen you in years. What's the point? All you're going to do is make things uncomfortable for both you and her and ruin any potential friendship you have. Not to mention the fact that you're not only being selfish, you're potentially doing harm to this girl that you supposedly love by trying to mess up her engagement and playing with her emotions. That doesn't sound like you're that fond of her to me. You're not just thinking of yourself, you're thinking of yourself to her detriment.

    We all have regrets. Doing everything you want just because if you don't you might regret it in the future is ultimately self defeating. What matters is whether we can live with those regrets and whether we do the right thing at the time. Sometimes that right thing is sucking it up and doing something that will make you regret it later but is for the greater good. That's part of maturity.
     
  17. Steel_Avatar

    Steel_Avatar IncGamers Member

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    Anakha is right. Yes, you're being selfish, and no, it isn't always bad. But here it is. You're going to potentially ruin what is supposed to be the happiest day of her life.

    You made a mistake in the past, but it isn't your right to correct it at the expense of her happiness. She's moved on, and it's no one's fault but yours; you let her get away. Well, now someone else has that heart, and you've no right to mess her up.

    Be a man, and get over her yourself.
     
  18. DurfBarian

    DurfBarian IncGamers Member

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    She left in a way that wasn't kind to you. But she left. And over the intervening time, you got over her, to some extent.

    I might send her a letter at a later time. Just to let her know you haven't vanished from the world just because she tried to purge you from hers, and to let her know that her acts hurt you. But it's like Steel says: This isn't the time to pry your way back into her life.

    I'm sorry it still hurts . . . the OTF is here for you to rant and rave if it helps. :)
     
  19. {KOW}Spazed

    {KOW}Spazed Banned

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    That needs to be stickied.
     
  20. Pierrot le Fou

    Pierrot le Fou IncGamers Member

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    If I were you, I'd send a letter and a wedding gift, a congratulations, current contact information, and then do nothing. Non-intrusive, non-confrontational, and a kind gesture at that. What kind of love would it be if you were willing to put her happiness on the line for your own self-gratification? Where's the love for her in that?
     

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