Acts of Gord

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Aw man, that's like a Monty Python skit... that guy who wanted him to order in a used Playstation...
 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Heh, there's lots of great ones but this one I love:

"Do you sell mod chips?"

"Go ahead, ask me what I sell."

"What do you sell?"

"I sell video games. What a stupid question."

"What does a mod chip cost?"

"Apparently one of us isn't keeping up."

"What do you mean?"

"If I sold you a mod chip, then you would never buy a game from me ever again. And that would be very much in opposition to my being able to run a profitable business."

"I just want one to play copied games."

"What? Do I look like an idiot? What the hell did you think I thought you wanted it for?"

"err…"

"Exactly. Now look, if I were to sell you a mod chip I would lose you as a customer. Now, if I were going to lose you as a customer I'd rather do it on a high note like setting you on fire. At least then I would have some satisfaction of a job well done."

"I'm leaving!"

"But I haven't set you on fire yet!"
 

P2blr

Diabloii.Net Member
I read it years ago, then read it recently, then read it recently again, and I'm pretty sure I'm about to go read it. I like how they updated it with the book of apocolypse.
 

Yossarian

Diabloii.Net Member
I know Gord. He was in Korea for several years and we were in touch. I actually had no idea who he was (internet fame) until after I'd known him for a few years. He is a really good guy in RL. Very standup. He now runs and internet gaming room in B.C. and is doing well. He got the idea for it in Korea but thought they did it too poorly so he sooped his place up. He's got some classically funny arguements on daves esl message board from back when he was a teacher. His drawings always were worth a laugh.
 

Lord Nyax

Banned
I had to share this...I knew it'd be way funnier once the word filter had its way with it.

Note: Gord's comments are bolded.
Gord said:
Ten year old child brings Grant Theft Auto to the counter and asks to rent it. Gord speaks to the father.

"Sir, might I suggest a different game? This title isn't really a title for children due to inappropriate material."

"Why is that?"

"Substantial violence and swearing."

"Holy ****! You're ****ting me! I can't expose my son to god damned swear words at his age. That sort of **** will **** him up. That's bull**** they make games with swearing. What son of a ***** would make a game like that?"

<dramatic pause>

<Gord types into the computer> Note: Nathan can rent mature games - so says his father.

"Here's your game. See you in a couple days."
 

SaroDarksbane

Diabloii.Net Site Pal
This one is my favorite so far:
"What does this game cost?"

"$49. Just like the sticker says."

"But what was your cost on it?"

"That's a question you're just going to have to figure out on your own."

"I don't want to pay more than what you paid for it."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"It's not fair that I should pay a higher price just because I don't own a store."

"Assuming I were to sell everything at my cost, that would mean that I would have a greatly reduced income. And with this reduced income, I would be unable to pay for the little things like rent, power, and food."

"Welfare doesn't pay much. If your games were cheaper, I could buy more."

"Want to hear my idea? It's just crazy enough to work. How about you just get a job and stop spending my money on video games."

"I don't think I like your attitude."

"If you weren't on welfare I might care what you thought."

"I'm never coming back!"

"Oh no! The guy who only buys games at my costs isn't coming back! Say it isn't so! Door's to your left."
I'm very predictable aren't I. >_<
 

Lord Nyax

Banned
Just wait until the Book of Wrath. I find it far more entertaining than 50% of the Book of Annoyances. This stuff is gold, pure and simple. Not cheap gold either; it's the 24 carat stuff.

EDIT: I've spammed enough in this thread, so I won't spam again, but you guys seriously must read this. It's amazing. Especially the end...some guy was apprehended in school by Gord and his buddy, and they went to the principal's office. This is what the principal said after the would-be thief said that he would have kicked Gord's arse:
"How about you shut up or I'll leave this room for a few minutes, and when I come back I'll hear how you fell out of your chair and into the desk and floor a few times? Look at him! He's a gorilla compared to you!" the principal spoke concerning the demi-Gord.
 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
This was gold:

Nintendo Makes You Stupid
"I'd like to buy this game."

"Very well then, that will be $45.60 with tax. Also, do you have a memory expansion for your Nintendo 64? Perfect dark requires it."

"I do."

"Are you sure? It's one of these units that plugs into here."

Gord proceeds to show the customer what he's talking about as the customer doesn't look so bright by holding a Nintendo 64 up and pointing to the memory expansion slot.

Customer leaves, returns with parent. Speech repeats with mother.

They leave content.

Next day, the customer returns.

"This game doesn't fit my machine."

Gord plugs it into his Nintendo 64.

"Seems to fit into mine. Does your machine work with other games?"

"Yes, see?"

<Dramatic Pause>

"Sir, that is a GameBoy Advance."

"Perfect Dark didn't fit!"

"Well, yes, I suppose it wouldn't. So when I held up a Nintendo 64 and pointed out things on it, you didn't say 'that doesn't look like my machine' because…?"
 

SaroDarksbane

Diabloii.Net Site Pal
Just wait until the Book of Wrath. I find it far more entertaining than 50% of the Book of Annoyances. This stuff is gold, pure and simple. Not cheap gold either; it's the 24 carat stuff.
Indeed, this is just awesome:
Once upon a time Gord had a friend named Mike. And this friend named Mike had been given a Gameshark. Only this GameShark was not a normal Gameshark, it was evil and possessed dark spirits within!

It had a curious gift. This particular GameShark would blow out the PlayStation motherboard micro-fuses rendering the expansion port inoperable.

At the time, no thought was given to harnessing this power for evil.

A few months later a customer had brought in a GameShark that did not work. Gord tested it, found it did not work and in fact blew our the micro-fuses like the Mike's GameShark did.

This time, an evil idea was born!

"I'll give you $5 for it."

"Uhm... sure."

Gord buys the GameShark.

Then Gord left it on the counter begging to be stolen! Far from the computer where Gord completed his transactions, and conveniently hidden from his sight by a flyer folder. Would-be thieves would count their lucky stars at how tempting this target was.

And finally a couple weeks later, it was stolen!

Gord was a happy Gord. Not only would it not work, but it would blow out the expansion port of any machine it was plugged into.

Over the next three weeks, Gord went from fixing no expansion ports for customers ever to more than ten during that time. Gord's retribution was at hand, and the GameShark was doing its job well. This exercise was very profitable for Gord.
I need to meet this guy sometime. He rules. ^_^



 
I know Gord. He was in Korea for several years and we were in touch. I actually had no idea who he was (internet fame) until after I'd known him for a few years. He is a really good guy in RL. Very standup. He now runs and internet gaming room in B.C. and is doing well. He got the idea for it in Korea but thought they did it too poorly so he sooped his place up. He's got some classically funny arguements on daves esl message board from back when he was a teacher. His drawings always were worth a laugh.
If you still have contact, you should get him to stop by here, he'd be a riot. He shouldn't be that hard to contact, especially with his forum. One of my favorite parts was him 'smuggling' Cherry Coke into Canada.



 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Unbelievable. I wish.

I Can't Read Your Crazy Moon Language!
"Could you order me in a copy of Final Fantasy 9 from Japan? I don't want to wait till it comes out here."

"Uhm, sure. It'll be about $95 for a new copy imported from Japan, and it'll take about two weeks."

Game arrives, customer buys, and customer returns.

"Hey! I can't read the game! It's in Chinese!"

"Actually, it's in Japanese. Being it's a Japanese game, for Japanese gamers, in Japan."

"I can't read it."

"Well, just what did you think the game would be in? English?"

"They should be."

"I'll let them know."
 

Yossarian

Diabloii.Net Member
If you still have contact, you should get him to stop by here, he'd be a riot. He shouldn't be that hard to contact, especially with his forum. One of my favorite parts was him 'smuggling' Cherry Coke into Canada.
I havn't talked with him for maybe 6-8 months. This thread actually got me thinking of getting in touch with him again. His writing is endlessly entertaining. He used to debate with this one guy Grotto all the time about Korean labor law. I used to work at the labor board and I could see: Gord's setup...Grotto falls for it and enters head first...Gord makes an *** out of him. It happened a dozen times. One thing about Gord, he doesn't enter many discussions. But when he does he is very rarely wrong. He's usually done lots of research and is very sure of his position.

My own post inspired me. Here is one of there debates.

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=55875&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=gord&start=0

For those of you that don't know what Gord looks like. Here is a happy Gord.

http://aog.2y.net/korea/seoul auto show/silly.jpg

And a classic Gord drawing. (some naughty words)

http://aog.2y.net/korea/seoul auto show/history.png



 

Dondrei

Diabloii.Net Member
Heeheehee:

Note To Self:

Talking to a person about being into the hardcore gaming scene is completely different than talking to them about the hardcore anime scene. In future, I must find a new adjective.

And do not, I repeat, do not say "if she is really into the hardcore anime scene, I can get import DVD's from Japan and Hong Kong" when I'm talking to a 14 year old girl's mother.

Further notation: Do not attempt to salvage this by then saying "I mean, I can get DVD's from Japan that you can't get here."

Next time, say "really likes anime" and "can get DVD's not on sale here yet."
I'll have to check out Yoss' links when I can find time to not do any work again. That is, very soon.
 

Lord Nyax

Banned
MC, you are an evil bastard. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep this night (I'm going to be an irritable bastard all day because of you) while reading Gord's works.

Of course, this post wasn't made entirely to whine at MC. I also felt I had to share a very special quote from Chapter 21: Chonicles.
"I want my money back."

"When I dream, I want a pony."

It gets better as I read it more...I fell out of my chair when I first read it. I'm glad I finished my orange juice before I came across that...I understand that citric acid up one's nose can hurt quite a bit.
 

jmervyn

Diabloii.Net Member
I'm pretty sure that I first found this site mentioned <on> the OTF. Can't find the thread any longer, but it was in the same discussion as this.

Probably lost in The Great Wiping...

Edit - there was also a blog by some JET teacher who I thought might have been PLF; one of the mods pulled it because, well, because Japanese Elementary School can be pretty twisted. If you're desperate, PM me and I'll see if I can dig it up.
 
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