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A Warriors Quest

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Arkuss, Jun 10, 2005.

  1. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    A Warriors Quest

    This is a story i am currently making. I will post chapters 1 2 and 3 right now. There will be about 14 by the time im done. Please only take the time to read these if your interested in adventure / action pacted. So here it goes Chapter 1
     
  2. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    Chapter 1: A Hero Like No Other

    Chapter 1: A Hero Like No Other

    One afternoon in the Goblin Encampment Throg, a ruthless Goblin leader was preparing his army of 200,000 Goblins to attack a Monistary held by ancient Amazons. Kaysha, the leader of the Amazon tribe had the vision of for-sight and could see what will happen if the Goblins were to attack. The Monistary would be set in flames and the Goblins would over run the Amazons destroying the ancient civilization. Kaysha knowing this would happen had sent a rider out to the Necromancer Temple . The rider made it 40 kilometers away from the Monistary when a Goblin Scout had detected her and immediatly attacked.

    The Goblin was in persuit of the Amazon rider for atleast 3 kilometers until he was knocked off his Warg by a Holy Warrior. The Goblin got off the ground and immediatly charged after this Holy Warrior. The Warrior pulled out his Crystal Sword and the battle began. The Goblin using a one handed axe with a large shield swong wildly at the Warrior but missing every swing. The Warrior grinned as the Goblin tryed to hit him. At last the Warrior was fed up this Goblins lack of skill and he simply swong and took off the Goblins left leg. The Goblin let out a loud war cry and fell to the ground bleeding. The Warrior walked up the crippled Goblin and kicked his sword away from his hand.

    " Why did you attack this ancient female?" asked the Warrior.
    The Goblin just looked up at the Warrior's face and spat on it.
    " I will tell your filthy kind nothing", " In 50 days all the Amazons will die and then the rest of your pathetic human race!" yelled the Goblin.

    The Warrior just looked at the pathetic and helpless creature and stabbed him in the heart killing him. The Warrior looked for the Amazon but she was long gone less then a kilometer away from the Necromancer Temple. The Warriors face went pale knowing of the evil that lies there but their was nothing he could do now she had to be atleast 20 kilometers away. The Warrior put his Crystal Sword back in its holder and his Tower Shield on his back and continued to walk towards the Monistary.

    Two days had passed since the Goblin encounter and the Amazon rider. The Warrior had walked over 50 kilometers without rest and finally had the Monistary in his sight. It looked like it was about 30 meters away but it was actually over 2 kilometers. The Warrior was half way there when he heard a loud cry. He turned around to see what it was that he had heard and he noticed the Amazon was running down a small hill. The Warrior had his hand on the handle of his sword and ran towards the Amazon.

    " Whats going on why are you running and where is your noble horse?" asked the Warrior.
    " The Necromancers!" yelled the Amazon rider. " They're attacking me!"
    " Hmmm... run to your Monistary and make haste" demanded The Warrior. " I will handle this Necromancer issue."
    " NO!" yelled the Amazon. " We need there Dark Magic to help us against the Goblin assault!"
    " I never said I was going to kill them, I said I was going to deal with them" The Warrior said. He smiled and then ran off up the hill to confront the Necromancers.

    The Warrior had reached the top of the hill and his face went pale and his eyes grew wide. For what he saw would scar him for ever. A Goblin platoon had ambushed the Necromancers. Lord Von, the Necromancer leader was fighting off 5 Goblins at the same time. The Goblins were out numbered but still had the element of surprize and managed to have quite a successful attack. The Warrior ran down the hill and charged himself right into the Goblins. Having no mercy The Warrior would cut off their heads, arms, legs or anything that would cripple the Goblin enough to make him useless and uncombatable. After a good 20 minutes all the Goblins lay dead along with half of the Dark Magic Necromancers.

    " Thank you brave warrior for your help against them hidious green creatures " says Lord Von
    " .... Why did you attack that Amazon who had came to you for your help against them? " asked The Warrior
    " Well you see its like this, we were all travelling to the Monistary when we got ambushed by Goblins." " The
    Amazon did not notice them attack us for she was a good 100 meters away." " One of my men shot a
    Bone Spirit near her to get her attention and she ran off thinking we were attacking her."
    " Lets just get to the Monistary. "
     
  3. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    Chapter 2: The Great War

    Chapter 2: The Great War

    The Warrior and the Necromancer's walked into the Monistary from its back enterance. A small door able to fit 2 people at a time and no more then 7 feet high.

    " Greetings!, welcome to our Monistary" greeted Kaysha.
    " I'm just passing through."
    " A Warrior like yourself would be useful during this time, the Goblins are planning to attack our ancient Monistary and we could use all the help we can get"
    " Hmm, I will tell you what, you tell me where Diao The Dragon King is and I will aid you during your war with the Goblins."
    " You must go to The Temple of Life from there you head east to Hyun a rune city." " I'm not sure where to go from there but Kane, an eldery Wizard will tell you where to go from there." " Now will you help us?" asked Kaysha.
    " Heh, don't worry about the Goblins they wont survive the night." assured The Warrior

    Lord Von and his Necromancers went around the Monistary looking for a dark place where they can begin their dark magic abilities. The Warrior went straight to the Monistary gate with 100 Amazon spear warriors.

    2 hours later a loud crackle sound spread throughout the Monistary. The sound of Throg's Devilkin Horne. The Amazons immediatly ran into position. All window openings where covered with 3 Amazon archers and an Amazon reloader (adds more arrows into there stack). The Necromancers after practising there dark magic had began to walk around to any location where they can cast their most famous spell Specter Spear and still be a safe distance away.

    Roughly 5 minutes after the horne the Goblins were in sight. Without hesitation the Amazon began to fire and Goblins fell down dead left and right. Throg came in riding a warg, the only warg rider there. The Goblins just began to charge full speed at the Monistary, growling and yelling like the ruthless beasts they are.

    The most unusual thing happened. The Warrior demanded the Monistary Gate to be opened. The Goblins were half way at the gate by the time it was open and they knew the gate would not be closed in time. The Warrior had drown out his Crystal Sword and ordered his 100 Amazon spear woman to charge into the Goblins. They met 100 meters away from the gate and the first melee battle of this war would begin. Slicing and dising his way threw The Warrior was heading straight for Throg. The Amazon's were being overrun and ran away back to the Monistary with over 60 casualties in under 10 minutes. Left alone on the battle field The Warrior would slice threw the Goblins like butter. After realizing his Amazon squad had retreated The Warrior cut off a Goblins head and ran back for the Monistary. Jinku a Goblin General stepped infront of The Warrior and ordered the Goblins to keep on charging and that he would take this warrior alone.

    " Foolish Goblin, you will need your men to help you against me."
    " Pink skin, you will fall before me, for I Jinku have not lost a single battle!"

    The Warrior just smiled and took his tower shield off his back and was ready for a harsh battle. Jinku ran recklessly into The Warrior and swong his Giant Axe attempting to hit the Warriors face hoping to kill him quick and easy. The Warrior grinned and put up his shield to block the axe. After blocking he stabbed Jinku in the leg causing a deep gash.

    " AHHHHHH, my leg, you stupid pink skin brat you will pay for that." "Consider that a lucky hit"
    The Warrior just smiled and went on attacking. He swong his Crystal Sword with lightning speed but the powerful Goblin General could block it easily with his axe. The Goblin General swong his axe at The Warrior multiple times missing every one until finally he connected against The Warriors armor. The hit had not pieced the armor but had only knocked the wind out of him. The Warrior fell to his knees almost instantly hoping to regain his breathe.

    " I told you pink skin, ?I told you would be no match for my power." " Now look at you lying at my feet." " Pathetic little creature this is your end!"

    The Warrior got back up on his feet and swong high up aiming for the Goblin Generals chin. The hit was direct and the Goblin General began to bleed at a rapid rape. The Warrior smiled and charged at the Goblin full speed. The Goblin General holding his Giant Axe one handed swong at The Warrior and knocked him flying about 3 meters high and 4 meters away. The Warrior hit the ground with a thunderous impact. Wounded and supremly injured The Goblin General began to walk towards The Warrior lying on the ground. The Warrior got up to his feet again before the Goblin had made it to him and he charged the Goblin again this time catching him off guard and smacked him in the face with his tower shield. ( This attack style will now be referred to as Smite for the rest of the story ). The Goblin General fell to the ground dazed and stunned. The Warrior walked over to him and stabbed him in the left leg where his previous wound was and spun his sword around making the wound wider and wider. The Goblin General screamed loudly and almost passed out but The Warrior stopped.


    " You put up a good fight Goblin but your time is over "
    " You may have defeated me but Throg will kill you and all the Amazons and then he will target the Necromancers and then the Ancient Guardians then we Goblins will rule the world!"
    " Don't get your hopes up Goblin, now that I have dealt with you I will kill your leader Throg and the rest of your pathetic Goblin race."
     
  4. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    Chapter 3: The War Continues

    Chapter 3: The War Continues

    The Warrior stabbed the Goblin General in the throat causing a fatal wound. The Goblin General would die bleeding to death not instantly. The Warrior ran back for the Monistary knowing that it will fall if Throg brings his Maulers. When the Goblins noticed their General was dead they all retreated back to there encampment 10 kilometers away from the Monistary. The Amazons had won the battle but not the war. Lord Von and his Necromancer brethern walked back to their set up where they continue their dark arts. Kaysha approaches The Warrior.

    " Thank you warrior for your aid during the battle." " The death of Jinku will have helped us greatly."
    " How many Amazons were killed?"
    " About 400."
    " And the Goblin casualties?"
    " Well over 2 thousand."
    " Hmmm we will not with stand another attack." " Throg will bring Maulers and knock down your Monistary gate and Goblins will come pouring in." " We will lose the Monistary 10 minutes after the gate falls maybe less"
    " What are Maulers?" " Giant Trolls?"
    " Maulers are a mix of a bear and ogre." " They are 20 feet tall and there arms are strong enough to knock down a castle wall with 7 hits"
    " My Amazon archers will take them out by shooting their head and torso while the Necromancers cast Bonetic Wall at our gates." " There magic wall may only survive one hit but with over 1000 Necromancers here to help us I'm sure we will be able to take out all the Maulers before they get to our gate."

    The Warrior and Kaysha seperated and headed for their positions. 700 spear Amazons and 100 Combat Necromancers awaited The Warrior at the gate entrance. An Amazon leader named Mala approached The Warrior.

    " Many sisters have died from our last battle." " But we seen your combat abilities and we will fight with you on the battle field until every last one of us has died."
    " Take your Amazons and equip them with bows." " I'm going out alone this time to face Throg and end this battle."
    " ...... You will die out there!" " Almost 200,000 Goblins and you choose to go out alone!?"
    " Trust me."

    The Warrior ordered for the gate to be opened and he walked out alone. He stayed outside the gate until it was fully shut then he ran off for the Goblin Encampent.

    2 hours had past since The Warrior left the Monistary and he finally arrived at the encampment. But somthing was wrong. The guards were not at their positions and the encampment gate was wide open. The Warrior walked in with his hand on the handle of his sword at all times and his tower shield drawn out and ready to block if anyone had tried to charge him. After walking about 20 meters in the encampment he seen over 100,000 Goblins dead lying on ground. Curious, The Warrior looked at one of the Goblin corpes to see what weapon had killed him. His body had been slashed by a Matsamune, the longest sword ever made and it is 7 feet long, specially made to slice the torso and break the rip cage so all the organs fall out. The Warrior studied the corpse and ran off to the fortress where Throg the Goblin King was located.

    The Warrior was surprized to see there was no guards at the entrance to the Fortress. When he got to the Fortress door it was locked but made out of thin wood sticks. The Warrior took about 20 steps back and ran full speed at the door breaking threw it. He got up instantaniously and heard the sound of 2 swords hitting eachother.
    The sound was coming from down the hall which lead to the throne room where Throg ly. The sound grew louder and louder as The Warrior walked towards the throne room. When he opened the door he seen Throg fighting against a man wearing a black hooded robe and black metal boots with spikes at the cafe and black metalic chain gloves with a spike at each knuckle. He watched at Throg used his Crystal Sword and Kite Shield against this hooded mans very long sword. A sword to long to be normal. The Warrior took 2 steps to get a closer look and without a doubt it was a Matsamune!

    " IT'S HIM! ITS DIAO THE DRAGON KING! " yelled The Warrior

    Diao kicked Throg down to the ground and looked over at The Warrior. He smiled and turned his attention back to Throg.

    " Stupid Goblin, you betrayed me and my Dragoon Minions." " Your punishment, DEATH."

    The Warrior walked up Diao and looked right into his eyes. Throg lay on the ground wounded from previous blows and had been cut severly in the chest. Diao and The Warrior just stood there looking into eachothers eyes.
    Diao smiled and swong his sword upward at The Warrior cutting his armor from the stomach to the upper chest but not piercing threw it. The Warrior knocked his sword away before it got to his chin and smited him. Diao went back about a meter and charged after The Warrior at a speed no living creature could run. He swong his sword aiming for The Warrior's head but missed it and cut off the top of his helm. The Warrior ducked and kicked Diao in the ankle making him fall forward and landing on his hands. The Warrior swong down at Diao but Diao rolled out of the way and cut The Warrior in the leg. Throg got up off the ground and ran at Diao. Diao thinking Throg was still on the ground looked into The Warriors eyes and pulled his Matsamune over his head.
    " This is Drogn, This is your fate!" said Diao
    Right after he said that Throg had ran into him. Throg picked him up and ran him right into the wall knocking himself and Diao into the Barracks. Both Throg and Diao got to their feet at the same time and began to fight once again. Drogn (The Warrior) got up to his feet and started to walk over to where Throg and Diao were fighting. Drogn walked slowly for his leg had a deep gash and caused him to have a major limp in his movement. Throg swong his Crystal sword recklessly and his eyes were blood red. Diao blocked every swing Throg swong until Throg smited him back.
    " Your pain will be legendary Diao!" " You killed all my men and my family!" " I will not let you leave here alive! "
    " Foolish Goblin, I havnt even begun to fight you with half of my skill." " I recommand you exile yourself before I am forced to kill you."
    Drogn walked into the room and swong his sword at a metal pole causing an extremely loud sound. Both Throg and Diao looked over at Drogn. Drogn picked up one of the wooden sticks and threw it at Diao. Diao sliced the stick in half and swong at Throgs head. Throg tried to get his kite shield up but did not get it up in time and had been decapitated.
     
  5. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    A Quick Comment

    These chapters were not all typed back to back to back. I copy and pasted them from my website I have made with these chapters. My website also has chapter 4 but its not completed yet so i'm not going to post it on this forums yet.
     
  6. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    hey

    feel free to write your comments about these chapters. ideas for the story would also be nice. if u got somthing you want to say then say it i dont really mind.
     
  7. RevenantsKnight

    RevenantsKnight IncGamers Member

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    Erm...this needs work. To be honest, this read a lot like an off-the-cuff first draft, as there were a lot of mischaracterizations of the Diablo game world, and my attention kept drifting away from the plot to focus on side issues of the story, such as grammatical errors. Some suggestions for Chapter 1:

    There was a lot in this sentence that I found awkward or incorrect; as this is the opening sentence, I’m afraid it biased me somewhat heavily against the rest of the story. First off, “Goblins†aren’t Diablo creatures; Diablo was explicitly designed to not use the classical, Warcraft-type races, so your inclusion of them is jarring, to say the least.

    Secondly, the “Monistary†(which should be spelled “Monasteryâ€) in the game belongs to the Sisters of the Sightless Eye, or the Rogues, not the Amazons. While the two groups have somewhat similar fighting styles, they have radically different homes, cultures, etc. and are actually rivals of sorts. Both of these issues come up again repeatedly; I suggest you do a find-and-replace to fix the misspelling. As for the plot error...well, I can’t see how you could make this work without drastically changing the story.

    Next, “200,000 Goblins†really didn’t read well, mostly because the emphasis on numbers made this seem less like a story and more like a combat report. Also, since the Amazon islands aren’t very large (assuming you did mean Amazons,) 200,000 goblins would probably end up in the Twin Seas at some point.

    A grammatical hiccup: there should also be a comma after “leader.â€

    Finally, the tone of the sentence itself sounded off to me; leading off with “One afternoon...†makes this whole thing seem like a commonplace event, which it is most definitely not.

    I’m assuming you mean the Diablo II NPC “Kashya†here. If that’s the case, please, please make sure you spell the name correctly, ‘cause if you don’t, you’ll drive people nuts. And by the way, she leads the Rogues, not the Amazons. Believe me, the distinction’s important. Also, “what will happen†is in the present tense, and most of your narration appears to be generally in the past tense; therefore, this should be “what would happen.â€

    There should be a comma after “Amazons,†“monastery†is misspelled, and “overrun†is one word, not two. Additionally, “set in flames†sounds wrong to me; I’d just leave it at “would burn.â€

    First off, it’s “Kashya.†Next, you need commas before and after the phrase “knowing this would happen.†Lastly, there’s an extra space between “Temple†and the closing period.

    Does it really matter that the messenger put 40 kilometers of distance between her and the monastery before this happened? Frankly, I couldn’t care whether it was 4 or 400; either way, it doesn’t seem to affect the plot. Additionally, the fixation on a number makes this sound too scientific, just as the 200,000 bit did earlier. Also, “had detected her†should be simply “detected her.†Misspellings: other than “monastery,†“immediately†is also misspelled, as you’re missing an “e.â€

    Again, the number really doesn’t matter, does it? If it’s not vital to the plot, you’re better off axing it and just saying “for a distance†or something. Misspellings: “persuit†should be “pursuit†and “at least†is two words.

    More importantly, this is getting dangerously close to rote hack and slash, if it isn’t already there. Notice how this sentence shares the same structure with pretty much every other sentence in the paragraph; it’s “Combatant 1 did this. Combatant 2 did that. Etc.†The problem here is that this does nothing to work in extra details or description on pretty much anything; it’s just the bare minimum of the punches thrown, if you will. Very few people want to read essentially a list of the blows struck in a battle, so if you do decide to write in a fight, take it beyond that. Far beyond that. Throw in some imagery and extra description so it’s not just stick figures bludgeoning each other, at the very least. Once you’ve got that, start working on the characters’ mental states and such during the battle, and juggle, rewrite or add events as needed to keep up a dramatic pull on the reader.

    That should be “immediately.â€

    “...and the battle began†is unnecessary and breaks up the flow of the story; if you just dive into the melee, the fact that the battle started should be apparent to the reader.

    A general note: don’t use capitalized letters so much. Standard usage for capitalization is for proper names, which in a story tend to be just a bit more important than random nouns; therefore, they’re meant to convey a sort of emphasis or special importance. Capitalizing as much as you do takes that element away. In my opinion, “Goblin,†“Holy Warrior†(both words,) “The Warrior†(both words,) “Crystal Sword†(both words,) “Necromancer Temple†(either both words or just “Temple,â€) “Tower Shield†(both words,) and “Dark Magic†(both words) should all be in lowercase.

    You need commas after “Goblin,†“shield,†and “Warrior.†Once you’ve got that, rewrite “but missing†to “missing with.†Finally, “swong†should be “swung.â€

    That should be “tried.†This is kind of a nice touch on how highly the warrior thinks of himself, though.

    This should read “At last, the warrior grew fed up with this goblin’s lack of skill and he simply swung and took off the goblin’s left leg.†Note that the possessive form, “goblin’s,†is used in the revised sentence to denote that the goblin owns things, in this case a lack of skill and a left leg.

    That should be “...walked up to...†As it is, it sounds like he walked up him like one walks up a flight of stairs.

    Erm...why the heck would an elderly woman be used as a horseback messenger? Either the warrior’s wrong on her age, she’s ridiculously spry for “ancient,†or Kashya’s a moron.

    That should be formatted as “...kind nothing. In 50 days...†Also, there’s an extra space after the first opening quotation mark.

    You need a comma after “heart.â€

    Personally, I’d delete the part from “less†to the end of the sentence, because the warrior has no way of knowing that. If you do want to clue the reader in on this, do it in a separate sentence, because this one’s focused on the warrior. Even after that, you need a comma after “Amazon.â€

    *takes deep breath*

    “Warriors†should be “warrior’s,†because you are not talking about multiple warriors, there should be a comma after “paleâ€, “knowing†should be “as he knew†since his face per se doesn’t know of the evil, “lies†should be “lay,†“their†should be “there,†there should be a semicolon or period after “now,†“at least†is two words, not one, and the exact distance between the warrior and the Amazon (or Rogue) really isn’t necessary.

    Whoo...

    Instead of “holder,†I’d use “scabbard†or “sheath.â€

    That should be “Two days passed...â€

    I think you know what I’m going to say about that number and why...

    This could be nice, except for...well, I think you can guess what. It’s an interesting visual effect, but the numbers just make this seem way too technical. There’s a beauty to something like “It seemed like he could reach out his hand and touch it, but if he had tried, all he would have felt was air†that numbers just don’t even approach. Yes, this isn’t incredibly specific. But you know what? In a story, I’d take it over a surveyor’s report any day.

    I’d just make this “...and he noticed the Amazon running...â€; I don’t see a reason for this to be in the passive voice (was running.)

    “Whats†isn’t a word and should be “what’s,†which is the contraction of “what is.†Also, there should be a question mark after “on,†with “why†starting a new sentence within the quote. Finally, there’s an extra space between the opening quotation mark and the speech; this seems to be an overarching problem that you should fix, so I’d advise checking all your speech for this.

    There should be a comma after “haste,†inside the quotation marks.

    That should be “their dark magic.†“Their†indicates possession of something, such as in this example. “There†is an adverb used to denote a place, manner, moment, etc.

    The comma after “kill them†should be a semicolon, and you need a comma after “with them,†inside the quotes.

    That should be “The warrior reached...â€

    You need another comma after “leader.â€

    That should be “outnumbered†and “surprise.â€

    I’d rephrase “having no mercy†to “mercilessly†and add a comma after that. Also, “the Goblin†should be “a goblin.†Finally, “uncombatable†is not a word; I’d say “...and unable to fight†instead.

    You need commas after “minutes†and “dead.â€

    You mean “hideous,†not “hidious.†Also, you need commas after “you,†“warrior†and “creatures,†and “says,†which is in the present tense, should be in the past tense, or “said.†Lastly, you need a period after “Von.â€

    By the way, the formatting of the rest of this paragraph is a bit messed up; you should start a new line of text each time the speaker changes.

    “...who had came to you...†should be “...who came to you.†Also, you need a period after “warrior.â€

    The first quote here should start off as “Well, you see, it’s like this: we were...†The second quote here seems unnecessary; I’d suggest deleting it.

    Without the context of the Diablo game engine, this makes no sense. Again, while it’s not necessary to assume that your reader has no knowledge of the game, that knowledge is best incorporated into the story in a way that doesn’t bash the reader over the head with a reminder that this is all based off a computer game, because written works and electronic games are drastically different in terms of what is considered “good.â€

    In the instance here, I’d argue that “Bone Spirit†doesn’t sound natural because there’s no reason that the Necromancers would call the spell “Bone Spirit,†other than the fact that it’s what the game calls it. Heck, they’d probably call themselves “Priests of Rathma,†not “Necromancers.†And anyway, I sincerely doubt that they’d bother to standardize the spell’s name so that every Necromancer calls it “Bone Spirit,†even if that was what some called it. I know one weapon out of a very old computer game called Marathon Infinity was either “the Spanker,†“the majorly explosive cigar,†“the rocket launcher,†“R-L,†or “that *bleep* piece of *bleep*,†depending on who was talking about it and when.

    The alternative that I’d suggest would be to describe what the spell is or does. If Von says “One of my men sent a wraith of bone after her...,†I’d bet that most former Diablo players would know what you were talking about. And for those who don’t remember what Bone Spirit is, they at least have some sort of idea of what happened.

    (Portions of this text are from or adapted from my third reply to Leviticus Darksyde’s first “Tracking the Dark Wanderer†thread.)

    That should be “Let’s.â€

    Honestly, this needs a stiff dose of editing and revisions; I don’t think there’s any getting around that fact for this story. With any luck, what’s here should help you go a ways towards accomplishing those rewrites, but I’m not going to kid you: this is beyond a quick fix. I would strongly advise that you work on revising this chapter and the others you have (I took a cursory look over them and many of the same problems exist) before you create new material. I don’t think at all that it’s impossible to sit down and hammer this stuff into a strong story; if you’ve got the will to work at it, you’ll get there, because the more you get done, the easier the rest gets.
     
  8. Raith

    Raith IncGamers Member

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    spellchecker is your friend... its not horribly bad but hard to read.
     
  9. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    Hey

    Im not using WordPad or n e thing this is purely off the top of my head . And RevenantsKnight this story isn't sapose to be Diablo its Diablo related. I say related because of Necromancers and Amazons. Personally i think it would be so darn boring if everyone just did Diablo. And back to me not using Wordpad im doing this on a website. For some reason my WordPad crashed. :confused: . Any ways I will be posting chapter 4 soon. I plan to make this go all the way to chapter 14. RevenantsKnight please dont post a reply with all corrections i'm a 15 year old guy trying to write a story that I think is cool not a 18 year old guy trying to become an author for a career. But i do appreciate it and I no your just trying to help. I just kinda like to keep it the way i type and such. Nothing personal or n e thing. Chapter 4 5 and 6 will be up and going within a couple weeks.
     
  10. Clarke667

    Clarke667 IncGamers Member

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    Hi Arkuss,

    Just thought I'd chime in on a few things.

    The first thing you should know, is that Revenantsknight is actually a robot. I try to make it a point to tell all new members that. Nearest I can tell, he's some sort of half-evil machine that needs grammar to survive.

    I'm kidding, of course. Now, it's totally cool that you're just writing for the fun of it, without a lot of regard to correct spelling or grammar. Nothing wrong with that; everyone's allowed to enjoy themselves. Just don't expect too many people to actually read what you're writing.

    Okay, that came out a bit harsh. I don't wanna insult you or anything. Think of it this way: let's say you come up with a really ****ing awesome story, great characters, great plot, the works. Now, say that story is just filled with spelling mistakes and broken sentences. In a way, that story's like a lobster dinner with a turd sitting on top of it --- the lobster may be delicious, but nobody's gonna dig-in because there's that huge ****ing turd on the thing's head.

    Another, less disgusting way of thinking about it, would be like this: perfect spelling and grammar can't MAKE someone like you're story, but it can HELP them like your story. A lot of people will look at something with a ton of errors and think, "Well, if he didn't even take the time to spellcheck it, I'm not gonna take the time to read it."

    Of course, no one is perfect. Even after I mine-sweep one of my stories for mistakes, Revenantsknight usually still manages to come up with about a page worth of corrections per chapter. And even Rev's stories have the odd misspelling here and there.

    The trick is (even for someone who doesn't want to make a career out of writing) to keep the errors at a low level, just a few here and there. And yeah, you're only 15, so no one expects the world from you... but you can at least put forth an effort.

    Now, you mentioned that WordPad crashed-out on you like a heroin junkie. That sucks. So if you can't get your hands on a spellcheck, here's what I suggest: print out the story, sit down at your desk/table/wherever, and read the story out loud. That's what I used to do when I was stuck writing on a bombed out PC without a decent word-processor, and I found I could usually catch a bunch of spelling/grammar errors that way. Not only that, but every once and awhile, I'd go, "Gee, that sentence doesn't have any errors... but it ****ing sucks. It sounds like refried horse****, actually. I should rewrite it."

    Maybe give that a shot. Hope it helps.


    Cheers, Ark.
     
  11. Arkuss

    Arkuss IncGamers Member

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    Good idea

    Thats not a half bad idea. But how im doing it now is just i type it all together without even re-reading the sentence then post it. Thats why it has so many errors. I think im going to fix chapters 1-3 then re post them. Maybe i'll grab a few more viewers. Also I do have chapter 4 and 5 done just i been really busy and have not been able to get working on chapter 6. And that Rev is the most pickiest robot I have ever seen. I understand what you mean with the lobster and stuff. Lol a piece of **** just somehow on its face. Anyways i'll take your ideas into consideration.
     
  12. JR Farwell

    JR Farwell IncGamers Member

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    Story

    I'll have to agree that my attention on the story wasn't quite there through some of it.

    I would use Office XP or Office 2000 (Office XP if you have XP obviously and Office 2000 if you have Windows 98 or ME). If you can't buy it, just download it from Kazaa Lite or something. Its about 395 megabytes. I'd just rather download it myself, it aint worth 50 dollars, waste of money, it should come automatically with Windows.

    Anyway...on your next stories, before submitting them, maybe you outta have several people from this website read over your chapters before submitting it to them. Thats what I did with one of my stories on StarCraft.org before I posted one, and worked out fairly well, quite a few people actually liked the story, and I usually used "spellcheck" or looked at the green squiggly lines and fixed sentences. (I still have no clue how that whole operation works with Word, it's a mystery in its self.)

    I'm way interested in reading Diablo (or 2) stories. Can anyone point me to a really good story on this site?

    I really do suggest the "read over" suggestion, it's a good idea, you'll see how well it works out when all those errors are fixed and corrected. You'd be amazed at how many people will choose a story over another when it comes to spelling/sentence errors.

    JR.
     

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