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A prayer for the new Ghostbusters movie

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by jmervyn, May 20, 2016.

  1. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    I thought this was wonderful, so I'll cite the article but only reproduce the prayer - it's a quote but it'll be swallowed if I use the block quote notation.

    Dear God,
    Lord of all things,
    Ultimate Movie Critic,
    How are you?

    I don't ask you for much, O Lord.
    I did ask you to make Marco Rubio fail
    And you really came through on that one.
    But I think that was already mostly baked into the cake.
    So I kinda don't count that.
    Making Marco Rubio fail is like making
    a dog drool at the sight of bacon.
    It's in his nature.

    So O Lord
    In your great Balcony in the Sky
    With Stadium Seating
    And an audio system that makes George Lucas's system
    Look like George Lucas' face
    I know you hate the Female Ghostbusters
    Because there was something in Leviticus about it
    Something like "Suffer not a female ghostbuster to live"
    Or something
    Leviticus is pretty long
    As you well know.

    This movie annoys me so much
    Not just because looks like neon bukkake
    But because the usual Frenetic Religious Cultists
    Who worship their own vaginas
    Are having yet another Coordinated Group Spazz
    And attacking anyone
    Who says they don't think the movie looks very good
    And that, let's be honest,
    Melissa McCarthy and Kristin Wiig don't have the best track records.

    Yeah they did Bridesmaids
    But, like Noah said twenty minutes after the rains stopped
    and the seas receeded
    and Life and Sun returned to the earth,
    "What have you done for me lately?"

    Bridesmaids was like sixty generations ago.
    You know who really liked Bridesmaids?
    Salome. And also, Ruth.

    So Please O Lord,
    Let the Female Ghostbusters movie crash and burn
    As I know it must
    For it looketh like the leavings of many dogs
    scattered upon the dry and dead earth
    and crawling with pestilent worms
    and bad SNL catchphrases.

    Let the movie just totally befoul the bed
    Just let it totally die at the box office.

    Let there be wailing, and gnashing of teeth,
    and rending of garments, and cries that salt the earth.
    Let's face it, O Lord,
    There will be wailing and gnashing and rending anyway.
    Might as well give them something to really cry about.
    While they're busy crying about that,
    It might allow someone to not get scalped and lose his job
    For calling a dude who looks like a dude "Dude"
    Instead of hixr preferred casual reference term of "Dudexir."

    Please O Lord,
    There are so many of these freaks
    And you know they're freaks, come on, let's be serious,
    praying to you right now
    even though they believe in you not,
    because all that matters to these goofy clownpuddles
    is their Scarlet Witch, and Black Widow, and their other
    geek culture victories.
    All of their self-worth is poured into whether Black Widow
    gets her own limited-run comic book.
    Seriously, they make heterosexual male geeks
    look like the reasonable ones.
    I mean really.
    For Your sake, O Lord. For Your sake.

    Sometimes a continent must fall into the sea
    and sometimes a wave of tears must crash upon the earth.
    And sometimes, O Lord, You let it happen,
    and only provide succor to the victims.
    I'm saying -- don't even provide that.

    Just let them suffer. At some point, O Lord,
    You just have to let the Babies cry for their Ba-ba,
    until they burn all that babycrying out of their system
    and can focus on more important things
    like Hillary Clinton's coming indictment.

    Thank You, O Lord,
    For not lending Your grace or fortune
    to this terrible movie
    and letting it just be as awful as it must be
    So that Women can get on with their empty lives
    and Fat Acceptance Tumblrs
    and Men can get back to Busting some Ghosts
    As You always intended
    Because if You wanted women to bust ghosts
    You would have given them penises
    By which to practice aiming their Proton Packs.

    Annie Potts answered the phones
    and that should really be enough.


    Amen.



    If you're not aware of the context, read this article too & then watch the AVGN clip (below).


     
  2. krischan

    krischan Europe Trade Moderator

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    I don't know how bad it is, but it doesn't catch my interest well enough to make me pay for watching it. It also adds a lot of people to my list of those which I feel superior to, without having to achieve or justify anything :)
     
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  3. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    Yeah, but there's many ways to accomplish that.

    There's some show here called something like "Honey Boo-Boo" starring overweight white "trailer trash" or people similar to the "People of Wal-Mart".

    Or there's "Survivor".
     
  4. krischan

    krischan Europe Trade Moderator

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    We have pretty epic "from dumbasses, for dumbasses, by dumbasses" TV broadcasts as well here. I totally avoid private TV in the morning, afternoon and half of the evening.
     
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  5. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    There's a small number of fiction shows I have on the DVR (Vikings, 12 Monkeys) & I'll probably watch Game of Thrones outside of HBO.

    There's only one non-fiction show I ever bother watching, called "Red Eye". It's always been qualitatively superior to The Daily Show, and uses the old "Tough Crowd" / "Politically Incorrect" guest format so you get multiple viewpoints with the jokes.
     
  6. Elly

    Elly Administrator

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    I'm looking forward to it.
     
  7. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    I hate to ask... but why?

    I can think of only one sequel/reboot that was better than the original, and that was Dredd.
     
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  8. Glurin

    Glurin IncGamers Member

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    Sequels and reboots aren't so bad if they are at least a decent movie in their own right, even if they aren't as good as the original. But with the trailers for this one being this bad, I'm not holding out any hope that the movie will be any good at all. Frankly, the trailer makes me think this will be one of those very, very few movies that I would actually walk out on if I ever had the unfortunate experience of seeing it, and I've sat through some real stinkers before so that's saying something.

    Maybe it's deliberate though. Maybe they are going for a "4D" effect and hoping that you'll think all the boos you hear in the theater are ghosts.
     
  9. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    Well, one must draw lines between "sequel" & "reboot" & whatever other 're' names H'wood comes up with. There's been plenty of good sequels and some few are better than the initial movie (Ep V comes to mind).

    I'm thinking of the 're' concept, which I consider flawed. You're creating a story built on the acceptance of the old story but pretty much trying to rewrite that old story in the process. Lazy writing, for starters. It's what leads to movies like Avatar (no, not The Last Airbender one which I thought was superior in comparison).
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2016
  10. LozHinge the Unhinged

    LozHinge the Unhinged IncGamers Member

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    I'm not going to apologise for really enjoying Cameron's Dances with Big Blue Samurai. As a movie spectacle, it was breathtaking. The main characters were very likeable, in a cookie-cutter kind of way and I was thoroughly entertained and visually spellbound. Plus - Michelle Rodriguez ... need I say more?

    I see no need for an Avatar sequel though. Simply no point to it, as far as I can see. Colour me surprised (and bright blue) if I am wrong.

    ****

    Oh. A re-boot of Ghostbusters you say? No kidding? Huh.
     
  11. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    You know you really should though.
    So pretty CGI colors & the hell with anything remotely worthwhile makes Lozzy happy?! Dances with Smurfs really was a giant crap taken on the movie-goer, but apparently Cameron knows how lowbrow they truly are...
    Yes, because she's neither terribly attractive (and me likey the Latin beauty genre ver' much) nor great actress plus a rather nasty piece of work in the bargain.

    Actress Michelle Rodriguez: Being a woman in Hollywood is like slavery
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2016
  12. Ariadne

    Ariadne IncGamers Member

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    The problem with this seems to be, as usual, nostalgia. They've taken a movie that a lot of people have strong nostalgic feelings about and adapted it to the world as it is today, so it is suddenly featuring women.

    The idea of a female sort of ghostbusters isn't the problem here. It's trying to remake Ghostbusters with women that's not going to work. You either have to be completely nostalgic and repeat the same thing to please the fanboys, or change the entire setting and idea.

    Same as with those smurfs a number of year ago. Smurfs live in mushrooms in a wee village, hidden. They do not take a stroll into a big city.
     
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  13. Elly

    Elly Administrator

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    Because I like the ghostbusters concept and like a couple of the actresses in it and the trailers were decent. I'm pretty sure women can be ghostbusters, don't think a willy is mandatory for the job.
     
  14. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    The reason I enjoyed the "prayer" making the opposite point in such a hyperbolic fashion was that by the same token, neither should the lack thereof be considered enough to make a movie. It's beyond lazy; it's shallow & sexist. Of course, Hollywood has never been known to be lazy, shallow, & sexist.

    Particularly, as Ariadne points out, when it's a beloved, classic movie. I think the claim of fanboyism is probably excessive; I don't think many people are still wearing "Slimer Lives" t-shirts and what not. But if her point was that they should have gone with a completely different concept I'd agree.

    We're going to see fairly soon. Early reports have indicated maximum suckage (though those may still reference the trailer), which accounts for the conspiracy theorists claiming that Sony deliberately ginned up the Social Justice Warrior Wummin brigades to make a scene.

    EDIT - speaking of reboots, 12 Monkeys is the way it should be done, and it's almost surprising that it's a SyFy product. Admittedly, conversion from movie form to TV episodic cliffhanger allows a lot of leeway, but I'm enjoying it (last season slightly more than this season). Plus on balance there's more strong female characters than males!
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2016
  15. Elly

    Elly Administrator

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    The women angle that I see on the internet regarding this movie doesn't interest me. It's tedious.
     
  16. kestegs

    kestegs D3 Monk Moderator

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    I'm a bit torn on this one. I expect it will be very cheesy and slapstick, but then again so were the originals.

    I would probably see it, I think my enjoyment of Wiig and McKinnon should outweigh my dislike of McCarthy.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  17. Ariadne

    Ariadne IncGamers Member

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    Did you just - sort of - agree with me?!

    I honestly think the problem here is fanboyism and nostalgia - I'm not saying original Ghostbusters is rubbish, but half of the love people have for it is for nostalgic reasons. I'm not saying that's wrong - I do think it hampers seeing things in the now. Female ghostbusters are fine - women still have a lot of catching up to do Holywoodwise - but remakes are rarely a good idea.
    I've not seen many Slimer Lives shirts recently but there's loads, loads of people who really deeply love Ghostbusters and in that group there's a subgroup who really, really believes it can never be women doing that.
     
  18. LozHinge the Unhinged

    LozHinge the Unhinged IncGamers Member

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    And yet ...

    Light switch on. Light switch off. Light switch on. Light switch off.

    Why are people even slightly concerned with the politics of actors ... rock stars ... writers ... I could hardly give less of a stuff of what an actor stays about anything whatsoever.
    The important thing is when they are on-screen, delivering their lines ... and looking hot, like Rodriguez. Similarly, I could care less about the views of sportsmen, guitar players, best selling novelists, etc. What they do is important, not what they believe. Amazing how the Cult of Personality (and its opposite) infects virtually everyone I know.
     
  19. jmervyn

    jmervyn IncGamers Member

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    It keeps you on your toes.
    Equally honest, I have no awareness of such a group, and made up the "Slimer Lives" though I'm sure someone already had that idea. Then again, I had no awareness that there were still people who oppose miscegenation that weren't in nursing homes.

    Which indirectly brings us back to Ms. Rodriguez
    It's the simple things...
    The reason I do is to react to the contrary to so many stupid people that do. Jon Stewart's "clown nose on" schtick is a fine example, given the percentages (particularly Leftists) who treated him as a primary news source.

    Happily that problem is far less outside of the U.S., whereas great efforts have been taken in the past to prevent advertising starring popular actors & actresses from being seen, less they decrease the cult of personality.[/QUOTE]
     
  20. krischan

    krischan Europe Trade Moderator

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    As long a certain amount of people hav to explain their point or parts thereof with the fact that the main actors are women, the issue of "playing the gender card" isn't over, just like accusions of doing that (aka playing the "play gander card" card) or of sexism or accusations thereof. It's not just a a matter of committing it, but also of suffering from it, both real and imagined and feigned.

    I don't care if it's about female Ghostbusters and I'm not skeptical about the movie because of that. However, if the movie shows emphasis on the gender question (and I guess that is the case), then it's fair to adjucate the movie on that base.
     

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